This is a new development to a thread located here. As you all remember, I have been ahving a bit of, um… relationship problems. Everything has been going pretty well, and I was just about to kiss her 2 nights ago. It was pretty smooth, but last night I learned something new.
Mandy is still planning on going with “Ross” to the prom. Why? Beats the hell outta me. Last night, however, Mandy called me asking me to take her cheerleader friend, Tara. I suppose I could do that, but I really want to wait it out and take Mandy if Ross blows over. I am not too sure that I could do that if I have already made the commitment to Tara. Help me straightdope cruisers, you’re my only hope. Should I…
[list=a][li]Take Tara reguardless of the Mandy status []Wait for Mandy to be free for Prom (no gaurantee that will happen) []Just blow off Tara because I don’t really know her, and I would have to take her on several dates before I would feel comfortable taking her. [/list=a][/li] Thanks
First, I guess, you need to decide what you want “going to the prom” to be:
A. Go, do some dancing, see your friends, have fun.
B. Go with someone you care for rather deeply, do some dancing, and launch a relationhsip.
C. Go with someone you care for rather deeply, (ditto the dancing), and have a mind-blowing, out-of-body experience that you’ll be savoring your entire life and more than likely turn into a story that you’ll bore your grandkids with ad nauseum: “Did I ever tell you about the PROM?” as the young 'uns scatter…
If you find yourself leaning towards B or portions of C, two things: (1) you’re setting yourself up since the real prom is not going to meet your expectations and (2) you need to tell Mandy exactly how you feel, in no uncertain terms, and see how she reacts.
When I was in a similar situation, the young lady “Beth” flirted with me, invited me to parties, etc., while dating another guy long distance. I never had to deal with the prom thing (thankfully) but now realize that Beth knew I had a thing for her and was flattered by having me hang around her just waiting for her to go out with me. I should have cut my losses sooner. Much sooner.
After the talk, if Mandy shows signs that it’s still going to be “Ross” and she still thinks you should take her friend, etc., I’d put some distance between the two of you. If she’s really interested in you, she’ll make contact with you.
Final thoughts: Is missing the prom worse than going w. another Mandy’s friend and seeing Mandy and Ross together?
Try to kiss her the next chance you get. Then you’ll know for sure.
Your fabulous babe who you totally love offers you a cheerleader to take to the prom and this is a problem?
Maybe, just maybe Tara has a crush on YOU and has her friend trying to hook her up. Did you think of that?
Personally I would arrange a group date with both girls. A get to know Tara sort of thing. If you can’t stand Tara thne privately tell Mandy that you couldn’t possibly take Tara because your feelings for her are too strong. If Tara seems OK take her and have fun. Trust me, I know that you have very strong feelings for Mandy but I have been around the block a few more times than you so please listen. There is a stong probability that Mandy is not the love of your life. I know I thought LaTrecca was mine for a while and she loved the attention from me but did not even like me. So give Tara a try. Do something with Mandy and Tara and then do something alone with Tara and then sit back and decide.
Or I could suggest something that the A-Team might do…
At this late date, even if you kiss her, it goes wonderfully and you two throw sparks like the fourth of july, it is entirely possible that she will decide she’s lead Ross too far along to back out now and still go with him to the Prom.
Either A) Kiss her, or b) Tell her that you’ve been thinking very strongly about it and why. Do this the very next time you two have a private moment.
OK, you’re in junior high, and the odds of your falling into and keeping a lifelong relationship are pretty low, but all you can do is try.
On the other hand, you need to play this honestly and openly. If she is just being excessively friendly and you’re misreading the signals, is there time to take Tara out on a few dates to get comfortable?
Be prepared for the worst, and be ready to handle it in as mature a fashion as you can. Then when something better happens you can be happy about it
ok, I have read these replies and I realize I must’ve left to o much info out to get a good answer.
I am a junior in high school…
It normally wouldn’t be, but Mandy is a cheerleader also…
I am really attracted to Mandy, and I want to be with her. I want her because of her personality, smile, and the way she is around me. We are totally open with each other, and we can both be ourselves at all times. However, I have taken a lot of advice from you guys, and a lot of my peers. I think I am going to need to tell her, possibly tonight. She and I will be together, virtually by ourselves, for about 6 or 7 hours…I’ll let you guys know.
Dude, here’s the question that you should be asking yourself: what can you do to have the most fun at the prom?
Now I know you really like Mandy, and that’s great. But it looks like this Ross guy is going to take her to the prom. I don’t think you should let it eat away at you. There’s no point worrying about what you can’t change. Maybe she’ll break up with him before the prom, but there’s the strong possibility that she won’t. I know, it’s not nice to admit that, but you may as well.
If you do admit that, you can think about what you can do to just have a really fun time at the prom. Perhaps you can have a fun time with this Tara girl. If not Tara, then perhaps there’s another friend you could go with and just have a fun time (I’d still advise against the third-wheel option from before).
However, this doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on Mandy. Right now you’re putting your love-life with Mandy on a schedule: if you don’t go to the prom with her, then that’s it. That’s simply not the case. You can still get together with Mandy, just at a different time. Plus, large social gatherings (ie. proms) aren’t necessarily the best place to show your intimate love for someone. The next time you’re in the previous situation you mentioned (the basement thing), would be.
Give your relationship with Mandy time (don’t put it on a clock), and just have a fun time at the prom.
Fuck man there are 2 threads tonight that made me come out of my complete lurker status. I’ve been in your exact situation before.
Basically the same scenario I really liked a girl she had this other guy she was with. I waited for the break up. It happened me and her went to the prom. Problem is the other guy was there too. She spent the whole night with him. I guess it was my fault for thinking she’d pay attention to me. I had 3 other offers for prom from nice attractive females that wouldn’t screw me over and I went over all them just because of me waiting for this other girl. Did it feel good for me to nab her after waiting? Sure as hell it did, but it turned out horrible man. Absolutely fucking horrible. Looking back on it now I wish I would have picked one of those 3 girls that wanted to go with me (hell one didn’t even go to prom because I didn’t go with her).
So this Tara girl how well do you know her? Casual acquatience? Friend? Barely know her at all? Get to know Tara. Hell man you could end up liking her alot more than Mandy. People may say that this is only a prom but let me tell you if you have a bad one it’ll stick with you for a long time.
Well I’ll try to close this ramble off with some advice you can actually use. Your young buddy, your a junior in high school. I honestly doubt Mandy would be someone you’d spend the rest of your life with. With that said yeah it sucks not to get the girl but it sucks even worse to not get the girl, be upset, and watch her have a fun time at the prom with another guy. Your better than that. You owe it to yourself to have a good time at the prom. Sure it’s coming up soon but I’m sure as all hell that there is some nice guy that’d be dying to go with you. I mean you already have another female willing to go with you. You don’t have to go out on a couple of dates with her to know if she’s someone you wanna go with. Have her come over your house or go over to hers to get to know each other. If that works out well then go on a date. If that works out good then I’d say going to prom with her would be your best bet.
Bottom line don’t wait for the Mandy and Ross thing to blow over. Good luck.
Of the five proms I attended, the only one I remember well is the one I took a female friend to. We had a blast dancing all evening, without worrying about how much we liked one another (or didn’t). After the prom, everyone went to the hotel we had all booked rooms for. A large group of my friends and I went running around from room to room doing Gladys Knight and the Pips impersonations (my date was Gladys, we guys were the Pips). These days, I would never be caught dead doing backup on “Midnight Train to Georgia”, but I’m damn glad I did it back then.
Ask someone else to the prom; anyone that you’ll have fun with. For this to be successful, you’ll have to see Mandy as nothing but a friend, albeit a damn fine one. If Mandy changes her mind between now and then, just explain that you made other plans, but you’d be happy to have some dinner, see a movie, etc., on another evening.
If that doesn’t suit you, try this line on Mandy: “My life, my love and my lady, is the sea.”
I have been out of town for quite some time…so please forgive the long time between updates.
I really couldn’t care less about the prom…I want Mandy…and I have decided that the best way for me to tell her is to just go ahead and kiss her, so I am gonna try that.
You, my friend, are obviously shit-hot high-school magma. Just go in there bad-ass, payin’ all the attention to your own like I tol’ you before, and sooner or later the gals are gonna decide that Ross-boy is gonna have to run back home for more ice, and maybe he should put himself on it. You got 'em, man. Just play it real cool, like Samuel L. Jackson with that ivory-handled .45, and you’re in there.
