…would you sleep with him/her? If condom use is the safest method to protect yourself, would you consider it safe enough to have sex with your mate?
Nope. Sorry. In fact, (sad to say but) I think her having AIDS would prevent me from faling for her.
HIV? Maybe. Not intentionally, but who knows until it happens, right? But full blown AIDS? No. Why would you involve yourself in a relationship with someone who is terminally ill? I’m sure I could love somebody with AIDS, but not in a romantic sort of way.
Fair comment. Worth expanding the question to include, “would you sleep with them if they were HIV positive, but did not have full blown AIDS?”
Nope
Depends on the person’s viral load - if they’d managed to get it down so low as to be undetectable, I’d resign myself to a perpetually latex-coated sex life and go for it. Otherwise, I think I’d be too freaked out to WANT to do anything.
All this is presuming I was madly in love, of course.
I work with patients who have AIDS - not just HIV-positive, but the syndrome. A good number of them have extremely low viral levels. One even bounced back from sub-100 lb weight and near death, to the point where he looks muscular and healthy. Many have been infected since the '80s.
Of course, not all of them are so lucky, but AIDS isn’t necessarily automatically a sentence of wasting away within months or even years.
I don’t know. There is a patient I’ve seen who is seen by a number of my coworkers as being so kind and sweet that he’s caused some questioning on this topic among them. If I really fell in love with someone, it would definitely be something I would have to think about - but I think most any serious disease could also cause this kind of questioning, transmittable or not. What if you met someone with cancer that’s hard to cure, or the early stages of MS, etc. Dealing with any illness like that can cause stress in a relationship.
Define “sleep with.”
The thing is, there’s all kinds of sex which doesn’t involve penetration. Would I engage in receptive anal intercourse with a partner with AIDS? No. Would I engage in mutual masturbation, jack him off, suck him with a condom, engage in full body-to-body contact, etc.? Yes. Would I top him? Theoretically yes but I would, should the situation arise, discuss it with him and his doctor further and take every possible precaution if we made that decision.
If I was truly in love, yes. I would of course use condoms, and the female-to-male transmission rate is so low that I could have unprotected sex with her every day for a year and only have about a 50/50 chance of catching it, with properly used condoms the odds are about 100 times better for you not getting it.
I would take that risk for love. I probably wouldn’t have sex every day, though.
I dont really agree with your statement of having a years unprotected sex with an HIV positive person, and only having a 50/50 chance of being infected?
Can you explain?
I agree with Otto. It may take a little more work, but a satisfying sex life CAN be achieved with lower-risk activities.
So my final answer is: relationship, yes, lower-risk sexual activities, yes, actual sex, most likely not.
But why would you take any special precautions that you would not take for a trick from a bar? As far as I am concerned, every trick, every person I am with (not that I am these days, what with monogamy and all, but just sayin’) is HIV+. With a trick, I always used a rubber for anal, I did minimal oral (enough to arouse, but always stopping at the first hint of pre-come), and concentrated on full-body stimulation with manual release.
One should certainly be cautious, but luckily HIV is hard to catch if you follow simple safety protocols.
I’ve slept with guys who were poz, yet I always stayed negative by playing hot yet safe.
I always practice safer sex. I have made the decision based on the best information available to me that sucking without a condom is an acceptable risk if I don’t know the person’s status. If there is pre-cum, I stop and clean it including cleaning any that’s in my mouth, and I don’t let the guy cum in my mouth or swallow. I clean the area before rimming and never engage in penetrative anal sex in either direction without a condom. Maybe I’m being stupid in sucking without condoms at all but I believe the risk level is acceptable. I’ve only had sex with one man who I knew was HIV+ and I am HIV-.
FRom the info at gay.com (I’m at work, so I’m loath to link to the site) and at thebody.org, current studies say that the risk of infection from oral contact is extremely low. And if you stop to think about it, if oral were a high-risk transmission route, there wouldn’t be a gay man alive today. That doesn’t mean you can swallow with abandon, but on the other hand you don’t have to gargle with bleach after a BJ.
Rimming is just about a zero-risk route of HIV infection, BUT (or “butt”) it’s an extremely high-risk route for shigella, amoebiasis, and other GI tract infections, so only do it with someone you know and who is freshly showered (and I mean just stepped out of the shower).
If you fell in love with someone with AIDS…
…would you sleep with him/her? If condom use is the safest method to protect yourself, would you consider it safe enough to have sex with your mate?
Hell no, not in a million years. Not under any circumstances. I’m gonna trust a thin piece of plastic to protect me from death? Whatevah!
What Otto said. I have had dated a few positive men. I have many friends who are in mixed positive relationships. It’s a big deal but not a life threatening one if you are just careful. Overall, I consider condoms safe enough to protect me from HIV transmission. I am not positive now, and hopefully never will be, but if it ever happens that I do become positive it won’t end the world.
I had a pit threat about a friend who died due to not taking his medications and I have another friend and his brother who have been positive for 15 years (friend) and around 30 years (his brother, yes he was among the first wave) who are both healthy and fine. That doesn’t speak of any of my other positive friends.
I top a poz guy - with a condom - on a very regular basis. In fact, we’re getting married next year, thankyouverymuch.
And, for the record, I’m negative.
Ouch!
I would… love isn’t something I have/had a magic check list for…If I fell for him and he said EARLY ON I have AIDS I’d be like OH MY GOD! but I dont think I’d run away…just use caution and common sense and some creativity.*
Now on the other paw if my hubby came home and said I am sorry I have AIDS… he probably wouldnt have to wait for the disease to kill him!
*AIDS can’t POSSIBLY be worse than having my mum in law! And I still married him…
SyncSA, Badtz was referring to female-to-male transmission (very low), as opposed to male-to-female or male-to-male (very high.)
Given that I have friends who have lived with her HIV+ status (at marriage) and AIDS status (~10 years) and who now have two healthy children, I’d say yes. AIDS is a serious disease. No one wants it. But, if you are very good about taking meds and very good about being generally healthy in both body and mind, it isn’t the death sentance it used to be.