This thread got me wondering about peoples habits as regards to safe sex. I have heard it said that “truly safe sex can only be performed by you and you alone” (Maybe that would be a good sig?) In the real world, however, people do take risks. I am curious what other people’s acceptable risk is.
To elaborate, using a condom every time is still a risk, because condoms can break. Even if you limit you sexual activities to mutual masturbation, you could still get crabs of ringworm or something of the kind. (unless you just masturbate in front of each other.) The spectrum of risk that people find acceptable has always intrigued me. Some people use condoms or dental dams when perfuming oral sex. Some people Swallow. Some people don’t have sex until marriage, and some (IMHO stupid or suicidal/homicidal) people regularly bareback with strangers.
Many people, certainly most straight married people, dispense with safe sex precautions (other than to avoid pregnancy, if not desired.)At what point is this decision made? Is an AIDS test performed?
In my case, I recognize that I am incurring some risk. I involved in a relationship for two years where we started out using condoms. (Other than for oral sex, I never understood the point of a blowjob with a condom.) After we became monogamous, we continued to use condoms until we had been monogamous for three months, after which we were AIDS tested together, and both being negative (and trusting each other implicitly in this regard) we discontinued using condoms, until we broke up a little over a year ago. Since that time, I have had sex with only one other person, and that was oral only (no swallowing.) Before that, most of my sexual partners have been oral only, and I have used condoms with most of those who were more than that. (exceptions to this include some partners when I was a teenager, and at least two occasions under the influence of large amounts of alcohol. (Yes I do realize that it only takes one time to be infected)
So what about you guys/gals?
I’ve been monogomous with my boyfriend for a little over 16 months. All my encounters have been with virgins (I suppose they could have lied … but what teenage boy pretends to be a virgin?) and I’ve always used condoms. With my current boyfriend, I don’t swallow with oral sex. We use condoms, and the biggest risk factor would be that he puts the condom on when he is nearing orgasm (not on the brink, but can feel it coming).
On preview, I just thought I should add that I can hear my parents having sex at the moment.
When my husband was my boyfriend, he asked me to get an AIDS test before we had unprotected sex. I was stunned and a little put off, actually, but he’d had one done and wished the same of me.
I put it off and put it off, but I finally had one. I have had no partners since him, so I guess we’re fairly safe as couple.
When I got married, I had an AIDS test done. My wife didn’t need to.
Since then it’s been the pill all the way, which is nice, but I know it has a small but existing failure rate. Since we don’t want kids, I have offered to have a vasectomy, but she hasn’t wanted me to do that just yet. I suspect that even if I got it she’d stay on the pill, because she likes the convenience.
If it means that they get laid by an experienced older woman, all of them would.
For me, I’ve been in an exclusive monogamous relationship for 16 years. Started out using condoms/foam, then after we had our kids we switched to sterilization as our birth control of choice.
The only tests involved were when my wife was pregnant; our assumption was that if she came up negative, I was probably okay too.
If I understand you, that’s a pretty big risk - from a
disease standpoint, the sex may as well be unprotected, and
from a pregnancy standpoint, it’s also pretty risky. Small
amounts of sperm ‘trickle’ out of the penis well before
orgasm.
About as safe as it gets, I’d say. We both waited until we got married (6 years ago). I’ve never had a moment’s worry.
Some would point out that I still can’t be sure, since mr. g could always have an affair, but I’d like to know when that would be–he rides his bike to work in an office populated entirely by married guys.
I second that. If you’ve both tested negative for HIV and have been monogamous, then the disease risk is probably low. HOWEVER, you are NOT protecting yourself from pregnancy with this method. I speak from experience here; I got pregnant by a guy who did not come (we got interrupted, if you absolutely must know). For effective contraception, the condom must go on the penis before it gets anywhere near the vagina!
I’d have to say my most important action toward safer sex is choosing partners I can trust to be honest with me. The last guy I dated came to me soon after we started seeing each other and told me that his ex had just tested positive for genital warts, and he had to get checked. He was really shocked that I wasn’t upset with him, but even more amazed that I was happy with him for telling me.
I’ve made some regrettable choices in my life, but I’ve pretty much accepted that if I choose to have sex, I may catch something from it; just like if I ride in a car, I may be in a wreck. I’ll do my best to minimize risks by being honest, encouraging honesty, and having frank, wild demonstrations of how to keep body fluids on separate sides of a barrier. Condoms aren’t enough for me…I’ll take it wild enough to require sheets o’latex, gloves, and a squirt bottle of lube. I’m well aware of the risks of playing naked, but I feel like the best tool for safe sex isn’t made of latex, it’s the words coming out of your mouth.
