If You Give A Bear A Vodka...

In My Humble Opinion
1

For reasons unexplained I found myself reading the Wikipedia page for “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.” It listed several other titles inspired by the original story, one of which got me humming the old Sesame Street song: “One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others…”

After a bit of Googling failed to turn up the relevant text, I decided “If You Give A Bear A Vodka” is probably a joke yet to be told; and that The Dope is the bestest place to get it told.

Now, the elephant in the room is of course, “What do we mean by ‘Bear’?”
Are we talking about a large, hairy omnivore? (You know, Ursus _____)
Are we talking about a Russian? (Cuz the bear is often a symbol of Russia)
Are we talking about a stocky, hairy gay man?
Or maybe our story is about a gay Russian Grizzlie? Or maybe we don’t have to be clear?

I’ll start:

If you give a bear a vodka, he’ll probably want another, and another, and another…

2

If you give a bear a vodka, he’ll want to make a drink. When you get out the martini glasses, he’ll need to go to the store for some olives. The store didn’t have any olives, (picture of bear juggling limes in the produce section, they’re small and green, right?) so we’ll make gimlets instead…

3

Oh God, the ads on this page…

4

He’s more of a beer man, but there is Wojtek.

5

The three ads for microwaves?

Maybe you’re seeing different ones than I am (although I can’t imagine why microwaves).

6

If you give a bear a vodka, he might ask you for olives.

7

I love Wiki. I often find wiki-ing (is that a word? LOL) often takes you to the most wonderful places. I’d love to find this story.

Not to totally hijack.

If you give a bear a vodka, he’ll go into hypernation faster. :wink: