I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, but the “What Killed Your Dream” thread cinched it.
All my friends with kids all say the same things. When they’re not saying “Oh, they’re the best thing that ever happened to us” they’re saying “I love my kids, but if I’d known what I was getting into…” and “Given the choice we would have waited until we were better off financially…” and “We were thinking about breaking up, but then one day the stick turned blue…”.
I myself had a scare when I was twenty one and it undoubtedly it would have changed my life entirely. Chances are I wouldn’t have had the money, freedom, and lack of obligation it took to get me into school, and I’d be framing pictures to this day.
Absolutely. But then, we waited until we were 29 and 30 years old, respectively, so I think we got all the youthful hijinks out of our system and were ready to settle down.
Oh, ho ho—I DARE any of you parents out there to say “Nah, I wouldn’t have had little Moomie,” even if you meant it with every fiber of your being! It’s just not one of those things you can come out and say—certainly not in writing!
Like Duck Duck Goose, we were older (in our 30s) when we started our family. Yes, my children have been a factor in my life decisions since then. But looking back on it, I don’t think I was ever going to be CEO of anything, and I like my kids.
I think it’s people had children earlier, like right after college, who have the most regrets, because they didn’t have much opportunity to live without the encumberances. Anyone want to discuss that point?
Yes I can. Don’t misunderstand, I love my kids, both of them. I wouldn’t give them up now, or even as newborns. But if I had never gotten pregnant the second time, I would never have felt I was missing anything. But I DARE anyone to try anything funny now…
Yeah, I was thirty-one when I had Skirmie married to the woman I thought I’d be with forever. 'Twasn’t to be though.
And by driving tough decisions, I mean really tough decisions. Early on in this deployment I realized I hadn’t been spending nearly enough time with my son. It showed when I did see him.
I broke up with a dear woman whom I loved deeply, because of him. Leaving the country for six months, I knew I would have to spend more time with him when I returned. That meant more and more time away from her. It would have been quite caddish of me to have let her believe things would be the same in our relationship upon my return.
It wasn’t the best decision for my happiness or my girlfriend’s happiness. But it was a tough choice I had to make.
Now I get through the days, waiting to play again with my son.
**Inky-[b/] –
I’ve posted this before, but for your benefit:
My son never liked to be held when he was an infant. He twisted, rolled and bent nearly in two. If you weren’t extemely careful, you’d drop him.
I began calling him “Squirmie the Wormie.”
Which got shortened to “Squirm the Worm.”
Which got shortened to “Squirmie.”
Then “Skirmie.” (When being affectionate.)
Now “Skirm.” (When he’s in trouble, “Skirm, get down here!”)
Often when talking to the ex, I refer to him in the third person: “Annette, do you think The Skirm would like to see a movie?”
Then there’s the “Squirmie the Wormie” song – but there’s no need to go into that…
I was just barely 21 when my son was born. I had to drop out of college because the pregnancy was extremely difficult, and afterwards there just wasn’t the money or time.
It’s been damn tough, and truthfully there have been many times when I doubted that we would make it. Yeah, I’ve had my regrets, but what keeps me going is always trying to look at the bright side. I might be saddled down now, but I’ve got lots of time left. Who says middle aged people can’t have fun?
The actual parenting part hasn’t really bothered me. This sounds incredibly corny, but I honestly believe that I was put on this earth to parent the little guy, and everything else I accomplish is just gravy.
I could say that we would have been better off waiting, but would things have been the same? Things are going great for our family right now; I’d feel silly complaining.
I was 17 when my daughter was born. She’ll be twelve in July. Together, her and I have been through hell. I had to finish out high school while doing 2 am feedings. I plugged my way through University while she was in diapers and daycare. She was in the hospital with a kidney infection through one of my midterm weeks. We’ve gone through three broken bones, various illnesses both real and imagined, my first marriage and divorce, both when she was too young to remember it.
But here’s the thing. Before I found out that I was pregnant, I had already dropped out of highschool. I had left home, and was living on and off the streets. It was because of her that I went back to school, straightened out my life, went to University, etc. Had I known how hard it was all going to be at 17, I would not have done it. Had I not done it, I do not think I would still be alive today, with the path my life was taking. My life now is happier and more successful than I ever thought was even a possibility for me while growing up (child and teenhood sucked, but that’s another story).
So, had I been given the choice to not get pregnant then, I’d have jumped at it. And it would have been a huge mistake.
I love my babies. After they were born, I told my husband we could have 10 more. Once they were 2 I was very glad I didn’t jump right in with a few more.
Now they are 13 and I’ve been yearning. . … I don’t think it’ll happen as I seem to be broken.
I wouldn’t give my kids up for anything in the world and I don’t regret them one little bit. Sure there are times when I’m stressed and I wish I could get away from them for a while but I can’t imagine what my life would be like without them!!
I had my daughter when I was 22 and my son when I was 24. That may seem young to some people but I’m glad I had them when I did. As for being able to live without encumberances before having children… I have been on my own since my 18th birthday so for 3 1/2 years I did nothing but party so I got that out of my system. I would take my kids over that having that kind of life again.
My kids influence every decision in my life… everything I do affects them in someway. I have to be very careful to make the right choices for myself and for them. That’s a lot of responsibility for a 25 year old woman to take on… and take on alone for that matter… but it’s definitely worth it.
