“I’m Toby the Lhasa Apso and I pee on everything. And thunder makes me hide under the bed.”
For the current pets, all birds:
One of the cockatiels: “I’m Sunny. I have a suicidal fascination with electrical cords.”
Another cockatiel: “I’m Sydney. I poop on work clothes 5 minutes before you leave for work if given the chance”.
The Conure: “When angry I will seduce you by looking sweet and cute and be all nice to you then BITE YOU REALLY F***ING HARD!”
Dogs
Anna - “I only bark at/stalk the cats when my person is home. Why doesn’t my person appreciate all I do to keep her safe from the cats?”
Cocoa - “Why can’t you pet me all the time?”
Cats
Ernesto - “That goddamn dog ruins everything. Except dinner. Is it dinner time?”
Elliott - sneezes and spews snot everywhere “Sorry, not sorry”
“I steal the used wash cloths from the side of the bath tub. I don’t know why, or why I drop them where I do (could be anywhere). But I looooooooove you.”
“Give me a break. If you could lick your privates, you would.”
“The moment you enter my domain, I will cower under the sofa at you until I’m certain you’ve left! That’ll teach you!!”
Coco the kitty-cat:
“I have a problem with doors. I like to miaow near them, but when they’re opened for me, I suffer a sudden-onset dementia about what I’m meant to DO”.
Or maybe I’m just a bitch who likes to watch my minions dance in the cold.
“We, the household cats, destroyed a brand-new rug in less than a week. Haha, your tape strips did not work. Now we are working on that new couch.” --the cats
“I ate a bumblebee and now my tongue doesn’t fit in my mouth.” --the dog
Former dog (German shepherd X)
“I understand what ‘out’ means. But it’s winter so I’m going to wag my tail, look cute and pretend I don’t. Maybe Ill “understand” the ninth or tenth time”.
My cat, after 5 years, has learned that tummy rubs are actually kind of nice. Until the last 4 months or so, she protected her belly even against “Daddy”.
She now should wear a “Slut” sign.
Utterly shameless.
Gotta leave, she beckons…
The dog - I like to beg for treats. Then when mom tries to give me one, I eye it suspiciously while backing away so that she almost falls off the couch trying to reach me.
The cat - I’ll eat your food, drink your water, and let you clean my litter box; then I’ll hide when you walk in the room.
[QUOTE=Loki]
My dad [del]has[/del] had a $3,000.00 hearing aid
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Ella]
I put up with Loki’s hijinks.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Kali]
Yeah, what Ella said.
[/QUOTE]
…
Velcrosays:
“I love potato chips, especially Pringles. If anyone around me has them on their plate and lets their guard down, I will steal one and run into the bedroom with it to eat every bit, then sneak back in to try for another.”
(one reason why chips are rarely in my house any more 
)
You may have seen this on the Post Office wall.
“We pee only on the rugs while mom is gone.”
- Gracie the Chi-Weenie and Zen the Mutt
“I’m usually laid back, but I get so hyper at the Vet’s that they don’t think I ever get any exercise or attention”
Other dog: “I love eating used Kleenex”
“Bad owner”
Warning: I bark at hallucinations. And I am pretty sure you are a hallucination.
Regards,
Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup]
“Purrs In Ears At 2AM”
All cats.
Caelan - “I love my sisters. Really. <pounce!>”
Havoc - “Look, if I had more fiber in my diet I wouldn’t be dropping little easter eggs outside the litter box.”
Pixel - “Just because I want to slap Havoc’s face off doesn’t mean I don’t love her.”
Brindle - “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!”