Thank you! It seems your username and your dog knowledge go hand in hand.
Atticus the cat: “I will scratch you and draw blood at the slightest provocation and would just as soon kill you, if I could.”
Dewey the dog: “I shed incessantly and like to lie on the couch even though I know I’m not supposed to.”
Percy the cat: “I know I’m not allowed on the kitchen counter, but I inspect it thoroughly every night after you go to bed and if you leave a package of bread or rolls on the counter I will chew on it, drag it through the hallway, and then leave it in the bathroom.”
Ella the Hellcat (11 yo dilute calico): “Fuck You; I regret nothing. Is that cheese?”
Chase the Mutt : “I refuse to poop unless I’m off my leash”
“I catch rabbits for my Mommy, and I only eat the head saving the rest for her. I even place the rest on her shoes so she can find it easy.”
“I pee here and there”.
Explanation: This would be the sign worm by the dog of my friend in Sri Lanka. While American dogs are prone to hyper-exaggeration (“I pee all over everywhere”) , the Indian subcontinent is characterized by understatement. So, my friend in Sri Lanka warned me, with a delightful Bollywood lilt, that if let in the house, his dog “pees here and there”.
“I’m just trying to warn you about the potential bad guys who might hurt you. You know, anyone who goes near, opens, or comes in the door whether they live here or have visited often. All those potential bad guys.” Apparently she hates the world. --the beagle
“I will ignore you or glare at you all day long every day except for those random moments once a week where it is imperative that you pet me. I will also completely refuse to ever do anything cute that could potentially get on the internet.” --the tabby (she is completely forgiven though because she’s an excellent mouser.)
Ginger the Cattle Dog Beagle mix: I steal bread off the counter and hide it either in the couch or under your pillow.
Oreo the black and white cat: I love to buttface people.
Cobie the generic striped cat: I’m not that interested in anyone unless I need someone to sit on.
Mischief (flat coat retriever) “Pet me! Pet me! Throw the ball! Pet me! Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Pet me! Throw the ball! Pet me! Pet me!..”
Adie (Great Dane) “Geez! I’ll just lie here until it’s food time. Don’t hit me with that damn ball.”
Velcro (Maine coon) “Y’all enjoy your frivolous nonsense. I’m going out to the Florida room to torment the cockatoo. He thinks he’s so cool, showing off with that crest! So I just sit right by him and pointedly look the other way. Drives him nuts!”
Slink (spitting cobra) (Do you know how hard it is to hang a sign around the neck of a cobra? Even just a regular cobra?) “They come near me and I try to drive them off. I spit and I spit but they ignore me. So I spit some more! I’m running out of venom. And try as I might I cannot smell them. My eyesight isn’t good, but they look like predatory mammals. They’re close, I should be able to smell them. It’s almost like there’s something in between us. Oh well, keep spitting!”
Crookshanks: “I like to wait until everyone’s asleep, then start meowing like some kind of tortured banshee or something because I want to go outside even though I’m an inside cat. Oh, and sometimes I like to jump up on the bed and run over the faces and chests of humans.”