On further review, it seems my reading comprehension took a bit of a nap today. I agree with you and astorian. His wife may be a jerk, but she’s still his wife, and being left off an invite like this is pretty much an insult, even if it is deserved.
You don’t know why the wife excludes herself from functions involving your cousin. Excluding herself does not automatically make her bitchy.
My husband’s high school friends are very nice people. However, when they all get together in a group, they do nothing but talk about high school all night long. It’s great fun for them to reminisce about John Smith and Bob Jones and hoardes of people I don’t know. But it isn’t long before I get a glazed over look in my eyes and start yawning. Finally, after the fifth “reunion” party where they rehashed Prom 1983 for the 5th time, I asked my husband if he would mind terribly just going alone. He didn’t. I suppose his friends think that I’m being snobby, but it’s not that I feel like I’m better than them; I just have nothing in common with them. By excusing myself, I’m actually trying to honor their friendship by giving them the space to enjoy it. My husband is okay with it, so that she be all that matters. We’re not joined at the hip, after all.
Bottom line: Your cousin should take the high road. Invite the wife and let her decide if she’s going to come. That also means not insinuating motives on a person you’ve never even met.
Gotta disagree here. I think that this would come off as trying to do an end-run around here, and that would not go over well. Assuming he accepts, how does that differ from a written invite to only him? Assuming he declines, he’d better hope that she never finds out you invited him, or else there’ll be hell to pay in his house.
I say invite them both. If she doesn’t want to come, she won’t.
btw- any ideas why she decided to cut herself off in the first place?
Thanks for all the responses. I’ve already passed on the link. Maybe we’ll get two new members out of this.
FWIW, I like post #11 the best, but then again, it’s not my decision to make.
Also, in my haste to write the OP, I misrepresented the situation a bit. It’s not that the wife will have NOTHING to do with them. She will attend other events, e.g. birthday parties, Xmas parties,within the circle of friends and BTW she acts civilly. She won’t do a foursome for dinner, etc., with them.