I’m torn between trying to be the “better man” and just trying to be happy.
Most of you know of my sordid tale of separation and divorce. Some of you might even have read my announcement of the new engagement to a woman who makes me much happier than I’ve been in a very long time.
We, my fiance and I want our respective children involved in the wedding. Therefore, it’s a sure thing that my ex-wife will know the details of the wedding: place, time, etc. My internal debate is if it’s correct to invite her, and I suppose her live-in boyfriend, to the wedding, too.
It’d be nothing more than a gesture of good will. I really don’t want to celebrate this great event with the woman who caused me so much pain (although she should get credit for allowing me the freedom to meet somebody so much better than herself).
The other hand says that making trouble with her bleeds into my relationship with our kids. I want to take the high-road here - appear to be fully accepting of the situation - even though I still occasionally wish a piano would fall from the sky onto her.
It’s an invitation, not an obligation. She’s not entitled to an invitation to your wedding even if your mutual children are invited and/or participants. Nor is an explanation as to why she’s not invited required.
Given your history and how relatively recent your divorce is, I’d say no. Do not invite her. It’s not being malicious, it’s keeping all of your energy focused on your bride, as it should be.
I’ve seen this question asked in several etiquette columns, and the consensus is that it’s rarely a good idea to invite an ex-spouse to a wedding. Even if you’re good friends, it makes things awkward for the other guests. What do they say to her? “Gee, I hope he’s much happier with her than he was with you!”
My ex and I are the best of friends. My ex and my fiance even like each other. Yet, I’m not inviting him to mywedding this January. Even though it is a very low key wedding - six guests total.
I have asked him to be my kids godfather, and he has accepted that gladly. I feel that the kid is a new leaf, but the weddin is just mine and my fiance’s business.
My SIL was with her ex for a really long time before they broke up and she met my brother. The ex was invited to her house-warming party (pre-engagement - not my brother’s house) and everyone was like “woah!” I think my brother told her that it made him uncomfortable - they can still be friends but geez, don’t invite him to your parties.
So, he wasn’t invited to the wedding, and it was good.
I wouldn’t do it. Let the kids be involved, but she’s a whole separate issue. It’s just asking for discomfort all the way around. Make a fresh start with your new wife and let it be a day just for the two of you.