Dear Miss Manners,
Given the unlikelihood that Judith Martin will ever answer my question in the Miss Manners column in the newspaper, I’m glad a surefire source of answers to etiquette questions is the SDMB Dopers.
My friend got married today, a big, very ritzy affair at one of those country châteaux, with the string quartet playing, everything. This was a friend from a circle in which my wife doesn’t participate, but she’s met them and at least they know of her existence. When the bride’s mother had called me to confirm attendance, I answered, “Yes, we’ll be there.”
Later my wife called attention to the fact that the invitation envelope had been addressed only to “Mr. Jomo Mojo,” not “Mr. and Mrs.” But I thought it was just an oversight, since how could they invite me without also including my wife? I hadn’t called them back about inviting my wife because the possibility of them leaving her out never occurred to me. To me that would be totally inconceivable, unthinkable.
When we got there, we dropped off the gift and card we had brought, and then found the guests’ place cards set out. Again, the card said only “Mr. Jomo Mojo,” not “Mr. and Mrs.” Uh-oh. That meant there was no place setting for her. I went looking for my friend the groom but I couldn’t find him before the wedding was to begin and there was no one else around I knew whom I could ask about it.
My wife went back to the car. With a heavy heart I joined her, apologized to her for the slight, and we went home.
What should I have done? Somebody goofed somewhere. Was it the fault of the planners for overlooking my wife’s existence? Was it my fault for not calling them ahead of time and getting them to invite my wife? Someone please tell me if it’s considered normal or acceptable to invite only one spouse to a wedding while snubbing the other. I really don’t know how these high-society people function.