If you purchased the SDMB...

… what would be the first changes you would implement?
With all the talk about CL in chapter 11 and the sdmb going under, suppose you suddenly had the money to purchase the sdmb in a bailout. It comes full package, as is.

It is now yours to keep or change at will. What would stay, what would change?

(this is here in the pit because conceivably, any response could be seen as critical of the administration and this is the place for it)

I’d add lots of animations and flashing things. In fact, I think I’d make the background something extra sweet. Actually, it’d definitely be something classy, like this.

I’d also add pop ups. I mean, what better way to generate a little extra revenue? Actually, I’d only do it if the ads also could be glittery, animated, and perhaps have audio! Oh! That gives me a good idea! I’d embed a midi player in each forum, so you guys could listen to my sweet tunes- something like this.

Man, my forum would be awesome!!!

Avatars!

By which I don’t mean little icon-y boxes, but rather the hiring of the forces incarnate of various deities, the illustrious host of the worlds apart and above, to drum up business. Also, nibbles.

Clever.

Hmmm. Buy the SDMB, or hookers and blow. SDMB, hookers and blow. Tough call.

I would un-ban a few people, ban a few more, and dump a bundle into upgrades. Then I’d fund research into Flying Monkeys for Skald.

There would be a pukey smily. Oh yes…

And instead of ‘moderator’ there would just be a picture of some jackboots under their name.

One change. I’d set up a rule 34 forum.

No political threads in any year with an election. And Free Beer!

I’d set up a TMI forum, for all of the NSFW images, recipes for improving semen flavor, beginner’s guides to anal, labia zit popping fun.

And I’d replace the hamsters with kittens. That way when things get slow, instead of swearing the MPSIMS crowd would collectively go, “Awww. They’re sleeping!”

Would the hookers let you snort the blow off of their asses? That would be a deal breaker for me.

No more Radio Shack servers. Motorola 8086 chips. Fuck that shit.

I would replace the title ‘BANNED’ with ‘Nuked from orbit’.

Rule 34 on Tao’s Revenge. Go.

I’d make a politics forum, not because it matters terribly to me, but just because I don’t see what the BFD is about not doing so.

No sock banning, no troll banning, but still banning for being a jerk. If you annoy us with your sockishness or your trollishness, you’re being a jerk and will be banned for that. Otherwise, I don’t care if you’re Sybil and Sybil II looking to get a rise out of yourself; if you’re not breaking the rules that matter, welcome back!

Within whatever vBullietin allows, I’d increase the customizability of each person’s account. Want to see who’s stalking your profile? Sure, why not. Want to see avatars? Have at it. Don’t? Fine. As long as there’s a way for people to adjust their own settings to see nothin’ but text and blue lines, I don’t care.

Oh, and I’m bringing back Smashie! (And inviting Pukey along, too.)

Snorting is fine. Chopping with the razor blade, well…

Oh yeah, I’d enable polling, so we could decide if the hookers should allow blow to be snorted off their asses. With pictures.

I’d make a politics forum, merge MPSIMS and IMHO, merge Comments on Cecil’s Columns and Comments on Staff Reports. Then I’d implement popular features like polls, avatars, and maybe images (I’d have to think about that one . . . it has a lot of good and bad) and I’d turn post counts off. I’d also offer more and better merchandise.

I’d annex the Sudetenland. No reason, really, just always wanted to.

Well since this question is in the Pit.

I wouldn’t change a fucking thing. :cool: