Now I sit amidst the vapor;
Some SOB done stole the paper.
My date has come, I must not linger.
I’ll wipe my butt with my little finger.
Ghods, the things we learn in elementary school never go away, do they?
Years ago I volunteered at a public radio station (KPFT in Houston, Texas) and one day there was a handwritten note in the bathroom that said
“men, please be a gentleman and put the seat back down”
so I took down the note and wrote on it
“ladies, this an equal opportunity facility so please put the seat back up”
the feminists knew whose handwriting it was and they never looked at me the same again.
Now for the graffiti:
Anyone can piss on the floor, be a man and shit on the ceiling.
Unclviny
I saw this one when I was a child and I think it scarred me for life:
“People who write on bathroom walls
roll their shit in little balls.
People who read the bathroom walls
have to eat the little balls.”
Really makes you think, eh?
The way I heard it:
Those who write on bathroom walls
roll their shit in little balls.
Those who read these words of wit
eat those little balls of shit
“Here I sit,
against my wishes,
Tried to fart,
but soiled my britches.”
“I know
It’s still NBA season,
but if you’re dribblin’
that much,
you should pee
sitting down.”
Perhaps the seat was covered in piss?
I think it was here on SDMB, someone responded to that line with “Welcome to out ‘l’…” I wish I could find it again.
I saw one in West Virginia many many years ago, and I know I’m going to screw this up due to my damn imperfect memory and the fact that I was a kid at the time, but the best I remember it was something like this:
You might as well relax
come in and have a seat
West Virginia crabs
can jump three feet!
And in the “weird toilet habits at home category”…I knew two people in High School (one guy and one girl) who weren’t allowed to shit at their own houses :eek:
Both for very disgusting reasons.
“Please do not eat the big white mint” and “Please do not throw toothpicks into the toilet–crabs can pole vault” were two my brother told me about that were favorite potty poems of his. Oh, and the one on a men’s room machine that said “This is the worst chewing gum I’ve ever tasted.”
My sister told me she saw one that went “ABCDEFG,HIJKLMNOP,QRS,TUV,WXYZ. If you had time to read all of this, you’re taking a shit.” To this day, we refer to taking a dump as “reciting the alphabet.”