How to play a flute:
Well, you blow there and you move your fingers up and down here.
Next post: how to be a gynecologist!
Won’t it be pretty much the same post? 
That was absolutely hilarious. Thank you for sharing it.
Jim
How to Photoshop an image, so that the foreground (or any object) is in color, and the background is in grayscale:
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Start with an RGB (or CMYK) image, in one layer.
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In the Layers pallette, click on the “Create a new layer” button. You now have two identical RGB layers.
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Select the new (bottom) layer.
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Go to the pull-down menu “Image,” and go to “Adjustments” and then “Hue/Saturation.” Turn the Saturation all the way down (to –100). Your bottom layer now appears to be in grayscale.
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You may need to adjust the Brightness or Contrast in this layer.
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Select the original (top) layer.
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Remove everything that you don’t want in color. Depending on the image, you may use the Lasso, Magic Wand or Eraser Tools. In some complex images, this can be very time consuming, but worth it.
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Stand back and admire your artwork.
You can use this procedure to create other effects, like giving the background less contrast or reversed hues or blur, etc.
I’ve heard that you can remove a broken light bulb with a potato.
How to remove a broken light bulb with a potato:
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Get a potato. Potatos work well for removing broken light bulbs.
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Get a ladder (if necessary to reach broken light bulb).
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Make sure you have your potato handy.
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Climb up ladder with your potato in hand.
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Push potato into the broken light bulb.
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Twist potato in the proper direction to unscrew the light bulb.
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Remove broken light bulb from potato. Throw it away. (The bulb, not the potato).
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Cook potato.
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Eat potato.
Now you know how to use a potato to remove a broken light bulb.
How to checkmate with King, Bishop and Knight versus King:
Drive the lone King into a corner square of the same colour as the squares the bishop moves on.
(yes, it is more complicated than that - but the above is essential…)
You forgot two important parts: Shut of the power first. DOn’t cook and eat the potato unless you are sure there is no glass in it from the lightbulb.
:smack: Of all the things to forget to tell you, I forget to tell you to turn off the power. Err, that should be:
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Get a potato. Potatos work well for removing broken light bulbs.
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Get a ladder (if necessary to reach broken light bulb).
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Make sure you have your potato handy.
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Climb up ladder with your potato in hand.
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Go back down the ladder and turn off the power.
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Find potato again, climb back up the ladder.
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Push potato into the broken light bulb.
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Twist potato in the proper direction to unscrew the light bulb.
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Remove broken light bulb from potato. Throw it away. (The bulb, not the potato).
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Cook potato.
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Eat potato.
Now you know how to use a potato to remove a broken light bulb.
and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one is?
These are to be used as evidence against somebody.
You forgot the circles and arrows.
I was just practicing my newfound whistling skills too. Now I can harmonize with ‘Chopsticks’.
How To Make A Tuffet
(As in, that thing that Miss Muffet sat on.)
SUPPLIES:
1 sheet or half sheet of plywood.
1 yard of fancy fabric
Fancy fabric trims (tassels, braid, silk cord etc…)
1 package of baby quilt batting, or 1 yd of regular batting.
5 Super Large Economy Size Food Cans (those big juice cans work great, but good luck finding those anymore).
Duct Tape
Staple Gun
Jig Saw or a buddy that has one and knows how to use it.
Epoxy
Small amount of fabric glue
INSTRUCTIONS:
Open both ends of each can with a can opener and make sure they’re clean.
Take the food cans and bunch them together, It will be kind of a flower shape with 4 surrounding 1 in the middle.
Take the duct tape and strap them together good.
Set the can bundle on the plywood and trace the shape with a marker, twice.
Cut the shapes out with the Jig Saw.
Measure the can bundle from top to bottom and in diameter, add 1" for both mesurements.
Cut a piece of batting and fabric according to measurements.
Wrap some batting around the can bundle. Use a little tape to hold the begining and ending edge down.
Wrap can bundle again with fabric. Let it overlap 1". Fold the ending edge 1/2".
Pin in place while you use fabric glue to hold it down.
Tuck the excess fabric/batting down into the cans. Tape it out of the way.
Cut fabric in a circle that is about 4" bigger than one of the plywood shapes.
Place plywood shape on backside of fabric circle. Going around the shape, fold fabric around and staple to plywood. Pull the fabric tight as you go. If it starts bunching up, cut the excess.
Apply epoxy to the top edge around the cans. place fabric covered plywood onto the epoxy .
Repeat the fabric covering of the other plywood shape except add batting between the fabric and plywood. Use lots of batting so your muffet won’t get sore. 
Trim the edges with fancy stuff.
Gee. I’ve always thought that the tuffet was a body part.
Yes, and though Ms. Muffet was little, she had an enormous tuffet (from eating all those kurds and whey).
How To Swaddle A Newborn Baby
Lay a receiving blanket down on the floor diagonally (with a corner pointing up). Fold the top corner down to make a straight line. Place the baby on the blanket with the head halfway over the edge of the straight line. Take the left corner of the blanket and tuck it into the right side of the baby. Take the bottom corner of the blanket and place it over the body of the baby. Take the right corner of the blanket and wrap around to the left side of the baby. Just like a burrito!
Pick the baby up and snuggle it.
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Complete pre-landing checklist, make any necessary radio calls. Reassure passengers that you have done this before.
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After established in the downwind leg, check for drift and perform a crab into the wind.
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When abeam the landing point reduce power and engage flaps as per operator’s manual.
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Account for the wind as you turn onto the base leg; establish another crab to cancel drift. Monitor speed and altitude.
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Turn to final approach. Use more or less flaps as per operator’s manual (many suggest using fewer degrees of flaps in a crosswind). Crab to cancel drift. Monitor airspeed.
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Assure passengers that it is indeed OK to fly sideways.
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As you approach short final, transition to a sideslip: aileron to the windward side to cancel sideways drift, opposite rudder to keep the nose pointed in the direction of travel. Monitor airspeed.
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Maintain the sideslip through the roundout and flare, touching down on the windward main wheel first. Keep feet off the brakes until after touchdown.
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Maintain wind control inputs and transition to ground handling. Apply brakes.
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When clear of runway accept congratulations from any passengers still capable of speech.
How to give a cat a pill. Minus the ER visit
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Get out a large towel, the bigger, the better, and spread it on the floor. Place the cat in the center and wrap the towel around the cat, tucking in the edges around the cat’s neck. Kneel behind the cat with it(towel and all) between your knees to prevent it backing out.
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Using your thumb and forefinger, cupping your palm over the cat’s eyes, quickly and firmly pry the mouth open and shove the pill as far back as possible.
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Hurriedly shut the cat’s mouth and hold it shut and elevated. Keep gentle pressure on with your knees and make sure the towel isn’t coming loose. If the cat isn’t struggling you can stroke the throat to coax it to swallow. Don’t let go until it does. You can tell because the cat will lick its nose.
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Release cat and expect it to be furious and hold a fierce grudge, hiding whenever it sees you from then out. =)
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A pill-shooter is helpful if long-term medication is called for.
How to give a pill to a dog.
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Wrap the pill in American cheese.
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Give the cheese pill to the dog.
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Pet the happy dog.
Yeah, I know, but I thought “the identifying number” took the place of that part. I was just trying to carry on from there.
Why did you stop?
How to light a cigarette in your room with no matches or lighter:
You will need:
[ul]One toothbrush (with small hook hole in end of handle)[/ul]
[ul]One pencil[/ul]
[ul]Small amount of toilet paper[/ul]
[ul]One electric wall light switch[/ul]
[ul]One cigarette[/ul]
Procedures:
Extract about a 1" piece of pencil lead from the pencil;
Loosely wrap a small amount of toilet paper around the pencil lead, leaving the ends of the lead exposed;
Place the lead wrapped in toilet paper halfway through the hole in the toothbrush handle. It should form a little ‘t’;
Remove cover plate from wall light switch;
Holding the brush end of the toothbrush, place one end of the pencil lead on the positive wire screw, then touch the other end to the metal switch housing.
This will cause a large spark which will cause the toilet paper to ignite. Quicky light your cigarette, taking care not to move the flame too quickly as you may cause the flame to go out. As you may have just blown a fuse somewhere, you may not get another chance to do this right away.
Don’t try this at home. Don’t try this at your friends home. Don’t try this at all - just accept that it works and move on.
Don’t ask me where I learned that.