If you teach a Doper...

You’ve never met my dog.

How to give a pill to my dog, Bean:

  1. Wrap the pill in cheese.

  2. Give it to dog.

  3. Wait until she seperates the pill from the cheese and spits it onto the floor.

  4. Pick up slimy, wet pill.

  5. Press inside piece of bread.

  6. Wait until dog manages to seperate pill from bread, and spits it onto the floor.

  7. Swear.

  8. Pick up mangled, slobbery pill, press inside hot dog.

  9. Pick up seperated pill from floor.

  10. Lose patience and stuff it down dog’s throat.

  11. Wait while dog hacks and coughs until managing to eject it.

  12. Swear.

  13. Crush up pill using can of peas, mix powder with peanut butter, offer to dog.

  14. Dog leaves room. Follow.

  15. Sweeten deal with more hot dog.

  16. Dog finally consents to swallowing pill.

reads post Are you sure you don’t own my dog?

How To Make The Greatest And Best Dip In The World

You will need:

  • One sachet Maggi Soup Mix (preferably Onion, but French Onion or Bacon & Onion also work very well)

  • One tin Nestle Reduced Fat Cream (Reduced Cream)

  • A teaspoon of Lemon Juice or Vinegar

  • A medium sized bowl (slightly bigger than a dessert bowl is best)

  • Some Gladwrap (Clingwrap)

  • A Fork or Whisk

  • A Fridge

Directions:

Open the Reduced Fat Cream and empty it into the bowl.

Open the sachet of Soup Mix and empty it on top of the Reduced Fat Cream

Add one teaspoon of Lemon Juice or Vinegar (Vinegar works better, IMHO)

Mix all the ingredients together until the soup mix has become one with the cream (ie, no powder left)

Cover with Gladwrap, and refrigerate for at least 30 mins (for best results, give it a couple of hours)

Remove from fridge, and enjoy!

The perfect complement to any chip (but not those heretical “Thin Cut” ones- they break too easily) or cracker! (also works well as part of a canape, too!) :slight_smile:

How To Make A “Pipe” Out Of A Soda Can

It’s been a couple of decades since I tried this so I may be leaving something out. Plus, dead brain cells.

Take an empty soda can and pull the tab completely off.

Poke a hole, about the size of a drinking straw, in the can about 2" down from the rim.

Poke another smaller hole on the other side.

Fill can with about 2" of water.

Take a 1" square of metal screen, or a piece of heavy duty foil with tiny holes poked in it, and put it over the drinking hole of the can. Push it down until it’s deep enough to hold…stuff.

Put some stuff in there.

Hold the can with the big hole facing you, and one finger covering the little hole on the other side.

Set the stuff on fire.

Place your mouth over the big hole and inhale while tapping the little hole to let oxygen in until the stuff gets good and lit.

How to Raid a European Village or Town:

Get two long boats and forty to sixty free men (depending upon the size of the boats) with battle gear.

Sail south, preferably to the lands of the Franks, or Anglo-Saxons.

Find a village or town.

Sail out of the sun into the village or town without warning.

Slay anyone who raised a weapon against you. Slay anyone who attempts to alert those outside of the village or town. Take any gold, silver, or other valuable goods you can find. Take women and/or children as slaves.

If there is a monestary around take all the goods in it after slaying all the monks. Then burn it to the ground.

If there is a local ruler who has previously invoked your wrath cpture him and carve bloody eagles upon his back. Dedicate his death to Odin.

Sail home with many goods.


Next time: How to defeat Sea Rovers wielding enchnted bills.

You will need:
A simple pattern with 3-5 pieces (choose one from one of the many stained glass sites on line)
Glass in the colors you’ve chosen for the pattern
A glass cutter, and cutting oil.
A breaking tool
A glass grinder
Copper foil tape and a fid (something to burnish the tape)
60/40 Solder, flux, wet sponge and a 100 watt soldering iron.
Plaster of paris powder
Car wax

Copy the pattern exactly. Number each piece in both copies. Cover one copy with clear Contact™ paper to protect it from water damage. Cut out the pieces from the other.
Using rubber cement, glue the pieces to the proper color of glass.
Use the glass cutter to trace around each piece, break pieces away as you go along. Sharp curves must be done incrimentally.
Grind the edges so they fit together, and fit on the protected pattern perfectly. There should be no gaps. Once you have the shape close, you may take the glued pattern off, so you’ll be able to see how well they fit together.
Once you’re satisfied that all the pieces fit together, wash each piece, especially the edges, with warm soapy water. Rinse well, and dry. Then wipe the edges with alcohol and allow to dry.
Starting at a place that will touch another piece of glass, wrap the edges of each piece with copper foil tape, being sure that the glass edge stays in the middle of the foil. over lap the end by about 1/4 inch.
Using something fairly hard and inflexible, (popcycle sticks work) rub the tape so there are no wrinkles or air bubbles.
Put the pieces together where it is safe to solder. Plug in the soldering iron, be sure it’s resting on a nonflamable stand. If the iron is new, once hot, coat the tip with solder.
Roll out a foot or so of solder.
Put a small amt of flux on the copper foil at the joints near the edge.
Holding the iron in your dominant hand, like a pencil, and the solder in the other hand, dot solder at the fluxed places. Wipe the iron tip on the wet sponge to remove excess solder and cool the iron.
Put the iron on the stand while applying flux and rolling out more solder stick. This alows it to come back to temp.
Now flux the edge of the entire piece. Hold the iron and solder as described and coat the entire edge. put the iron down.
Now flux a full joint using as little flux as possible.
Now, holding the iron and solder in the same way, run the melted solder along the joint. The iron shouldn’t touch the melted solder, but hover close enough to melt it. At the end of a run, lift the iron and solder stick away from the piece. The solder lines should be smooth and rounded. If they are flat, you may be going too fast, or the iron is too hot. If the solder runs through to the other side, you’re going too slow.
Once you’ve finished the first side, allow it to cool then turn it over and solder the second side.
When finished, you shouldn’t see any copper foil.
Once the piece has cooled completely, dust it with plaster of paris powder. Leave it for about 30 minutes. Using a stiff brush ( a tooth brush works) scrub away the powder and flux. Wipe any excess, off then carefully wash the whole piece with soapy water, don’t submerge the piece, use a sponge. rinse & dry thoroughly.
Put wax on all of the solder lines allow to dry then polish well.

Back to The give the cat a pill.
My vet showed me a very cool, humane and nearly fool proof way.
You’ll need:
A pill
A 5 cc syringe filled with tap water.
A bath towel
A cat

Wrap the cat in the bath towel, so all the sharp parts (except teeth) are secured in the towel.
Open kitty’s mouth as previously discribed. Place pill far back in the mouth and immediately put the syringe in the mouth and squirt in the water. Kitty will swallow the water and pill without a hitch.
Just don’t waste time between the pill and the water.

Choose your own ending:

  1. It gets really sqcky from there on out.
  2. I didn’t want to post something that wasn’t useful.
  3. You have to show me first you know the secret handshake.

Navy method: Significantly safer is find a 6-volt battery and a single strand of steel wool.
Secure one end of the steel wool to one terminal of the 6-volt battery.
Get Cigarette ready, drop the other end of the steel wool onto the other terminal and as it flares up, and burns out, light cigarette.
Of course, you are far more likely to have a match or lighter than a 6-volt battery.

Jim

Jeez, people, just light your cigs with a toaster!

I hear that works well for whistling too. :stuck_out_tongue:

How to convert a tea towel into a chicken:

Step 1: Lay towel on floor flat. step1
Step 2: Roll towel from each end towards the middle.
step2
Step 3: Fold in half.
step3
Step 4: Pull out ends.
step4
Step 5: Pull top ends upwards, bottom ends downward.
step5
Step 6: Keep pulling until it’s stretched out.
step6
Step 7: Tada! You have a chicken!
step7
Step 8: (Optional) See if cat will eat the chicken.
step8

Wow, I’m learning a lot of stuff already! Keep it coming.

Here’s something I’ll teach y’all: how to make the best peanut butter & bacon sandwich ever.

Step 1: Fry up 3 slices of thick-sliced bacon until crispy.
Step 2: While bacon is frying, spread smooth peanut butter on two pieces of bread.
Step 3: When bacon is cooked, move directly to sandwich, breaking pieces in half.
Step 4: Put sandwich together.
Step 5: Eat.

:o :smiley:

This is favored by African violet hobbyists, but it works for other plants, and lets you go away for a week without killing your plants.

You will need, for each pot, one 1-pound margarine tub and about ten inches of “curtain cord,” a synthetic fiber small diameter rope.

In the lid of the tub, make a hole underneath where the pot’s hole will sit, and a hole near the edge big enougn to pour water into.

Using tweezers, poke about three inches of the cord up into the pot’s soil. Thread the rest of the cord through the hole into the tub. Add water to the tub until it is nearly full. Set the pot on top of the tub.

The cord will wick the water into the soil steadily without ever overwatering.