“If you think about it” – just fuck right off dumpbrain, what kind of fetid ring piece ever uses that phrase in any kind of normal discussion.
So there we were in a design review, and after a short presentation that junior squirrel has given, some feedback is provided to which dearest rodent retorts “well if you think about it …….(insert justification for thinking process that would have a precambrian mollusc rolling frigging eyeballs skywards (if it had eyes, well ok large sabre teeth then)”
This reply is basically positing that, no the other party has not thought about it at all and maybe does not posses the mental faculties to gasp the apparently simple concepts that even a terminal syphilitic monkey with the mental agility equivalence of a 3 legged donkey with a hard on strapped down to its hind leg could comprehend.
“if you think about it” of course I fucking thought about it.
OK so I can understand that you may beleive I don’t possess an iota of a clue and others of my ilk are so closely related to decapitated reptiles as to be unable to grasp the finer points of your astoundingly poor work, I can accept that, got thick skin, part of teh teritory and all. However WTF, WTF, WTFinginallthatissacredF how did you even think that this was a good phrase to use to the other 3 engineers there? 3 People who have experience, intelligence, minds just oh so sharper than yours and above all, just so stratospherically and incandescently high above all, grace and respect.
“How so?” you may ask with that “I just graduated from “totalfuckingliabilityengineer” status to “fabulously dangerous if left unattended” status” superior look on your face.
Allow me to try to explain. After you finished you exposition they paused, thought and then rather than say , “oh dear god you mindless twerp did we really have to sit through an hour of this shit to find out that either;
A) you had suffered a rectal prolapse and are trying to pass the deposits off as a design study,
B) that you actually are a bushy tailed vermin, I know we call junior engineers squirrels in a friendly fashion, but is it possible that the apparent alert look in your eyes and all the dashing around you did that we thought were signs of intelligence and keenness, were in reality, just indications that you had forgotten where you had put your winter store of nuts.
or
C) you failed to review basic engineering principles and clearly in your universe the laws of physics have stepped out for a long smoke of something heavy and did you even bother to do a literature search to find out that others with significantly more intelligence have tried similar approaches, and found that success popped out to join the LOP for a hefty toke.
Did they say these things, no they did not. Suggestions to work through some of the numbers out side the meeting, perhaps they have missed something, yes, pointers to some similar papers that you may find relevant, yes, attempts to public humiliate you and suggestions and similes involving your mental capabilities, donkeys erections, amputated limbs and duct tape? Notably absent.
So in the name of all that is untainted by your gross crassness why oh why do you feel the need to call everybody a fuckwit with 3 mentions in dispatches and a bar with that one little phrase “if you think about it”.
The only thing you are demonstrating is you don’t have the mental capacity to pause for a minute and actually consider what was said, outside of your limited grasp of the situation on hand and you could not escape from your rigid and limited view of the world to understand that maybe, just maybe what was said had merit, perhaps it is another way of approaching or describing the issue, maybe you should consider who they are and take on board and idea or two, perhaps in there, there is an inkling of a clue. Even of the person you feel the need to say this to clearly has got the wrong end of the stick or clearly has not appreciated the full scope of the problem, how the hell is calling them a total fuckwit to heir face going to motivate or help in the situation? If you want to call someone a rectocrainially inverted lobotomized ferret, then just out right with it, don’t dress it up in a pathetic attempt to feign politeness. “if you think abut it”, a phrase as tactful as squeezing the pustules of my ingrown toenail into their cup of coffee
One day chipmunch you may be useful, hell you could shortly rise to, as the great man puts it, “mostly harmless” status, and one day you may make it to be a good, nay I predict excellent engineer ranking.
That is assuming of course you learn some of the grace, tact and politeness demonstrated by your mentors and peers. Should you chose to use the phrase “if you think about it” again I swear I will make a paper mache 10 inch dildo out of a shredded copy of the field engineering design manual and force you to deep throat it until you gag and expire on the knowledge contained within.
I understand that this is not an appropriate motivational technique to enhance certain desired behaviours, Drucker, Roach and all the other gurus probably disapproves and adult learning specialist may question the effectiveness of ingesting the pre worked examples contained within, hell HR may even make me undergo “motivationg the employee for excellence” training agian but help me please dear pit, help me understand why in the name of all creatures that have opposable thumbs do people need to be told that this phrase is just simply not ever, not even fucking maybe ever, a good phrase to let past ones lips.
Then, oh then just too soon later, what the hell did the goat abusing, bile felching rectal mucus lining of a sales manager say in a discussion with 3 client experts? There we were, just trying to work through a particularly intractable problem that we may or may not have had a solution for, and what does the spongiformed enchepelitic brained rats woody say to them…. I could have leapt across the table, tore out his wind pipe and poured burning oil down his throat. This would have helped two fold, by providing some recompense for the recently insulted clients and secondly by serving as a human torch to be used to light our way through the dark corners of the problem.
“If you think about it” a phrase with fewer redeeming values than a Wookies furry cum repository, and applied in professional situations by people who deserve to spend eternity sucking the marmite covered scrotal sacks of some of satans less hygienic little helpers.
If it would please the court of the pit, I request admission for the phrase and those that use it, may they be sodomized by rabid goats for eternity. That or I better shuffle of to MPSIMS
The case for the prosecution rests.
