I sometimes kill chickens.
I’m a telemarketer…who works from home…in a quiet rural town…and nobody knows.
If you were arrested for a high-profile crime, what about you would the media have a field day with?
I’m a 45 year-old virgin. I can see it now: “Sex starved killer…”
A lifelong involvement in radical political movements. I was a young hothead and was involved in the Socialist Workers Party and also got involved with a Nigerian resistance movement that in hindsight was a bit sketchy. Currently seeking work with the State Department and I don’t think these things will help.
The whole “breaking a politicians nose” thing.
I think they’d play that up for weeks; one side for the “danger to America” and the other for [del]jealousy[/del] comedy gold. Imagine Steven Colbert reporting in a catchers mask or Jon Stewart even trying to keep a straight face… which are themselves intriguing visuals and totally beside the point.
Being banned for life from a golf resort. They didn’t like the under age drinking. Or having condoms under age. Or disruption of a national organizations events in their main hall. Or the stapling of flyers to trees along golf links (unauthorized use of their copy machine was related).
Or firing Polish Cannon down their hotel halls at 2AM. Or playing bumper cars & “mow down the flag” with golf carts on the greens. Yes, it was a busy weekend, but to be fair the things you do before you’re 18 shouldn’t really count.
(They do sound good to “Heatwave” by Linda Rondstadt though…)
Quiet
Mentally ill (depression)
Doesn’t have a Facebook page.
Plays computer games
Oh… and I rung up a mental health crisis hotline when I was getting obsessed with blowing up my school (I had a reaaaaaaaaaaaallllly bad reaction to a new antidepressant).
This is a joke, right? (Around here you never know)
The Aurora shooter isn’t on Facebook, and the media did make something of a deal about that.
They certainly didn’t have a “field day” with it. They’re having a field day with him being an apparently brilliant scientist, but no one gives a fuck about his facebook.
Some of this stuff here is pretty lame. Yes, I could see the media clowns throwing a circus over a mass killer having a history of mental health issues, or owning many guns, being a Sunday School teacher, or being a vet, but nobody gives two shits if you LARP or play video games.
Except for #2, this.
I’m not so sure that’s true. Maybe for somebody like this guy who had a lot of other bigger things for the media to get their undies in a twist about, but for an average boring citizen who didn’t have his background, I think they would probably latch onto things like excessive video game play (especially if the games were controversial) as interesting bits of data.
Involvement in fringe politics both right wing and left wing. Involvement in Paganism and ceremonial magic. Fascination (almost obsession) with Lovecraft. Fascination (almost obsession) with the films of Sam Peckinpah. Fan of *The Stand *mini-series and novel. Suspect in a murder investigation years ago. History of ADHD and bouts of severe depression. History of alcohol abuse. Owns several hundred horror comics, mostly EC reprints. Published a pretty gory swords and sorcery novel and several horror stories on the net.
Damn, they could really have a field day with me.
That I own firearms and ammo. I can’t stand how every time someone is busted the media has mention any firearms that were found in their home. How about waffles? What’s the correlation between waffles and crime? What about salt and pepper shakers? One set per room should be plenty for anyone.
And I might have an extensive collection of crack pipes for their artistic value, but if I get arrested for using crack then I still would expect people to take note of that.
Yes, the talking heads noted how strange it was that someone of his generation wasn’t on facebook. I guess being weird is a risk factor.
It’s also a little like that phrase invariably seen after small airplane crashes: “No flight plan was filed”. The media like to make it sound ominous even in the many situations where no flight plan is required.
Oh, and I forget to mention, I’m also a pilot – I’m sure the media would spin that into something suspicious in this post-9/11 world.
Every last person they interviewed about me would, unanimously and to a person, just say “She was always weird”. But not a one of them could state exactly HOW or WHY.
Actually, the fact that I’ve never had a manicure would probably be the most interesting thing in the article.
I agree that the media will, if nothing interesting comes up, cling onto whatever they can find out of need to create a compelling narrative, but video game playing isn’t a compelling narrative. The killer’s gaming would have to be so excessive that it consumes the him, elsewise he’s just every other guy on the planet.
Not a good analogy. Crack pipes correspond to crack, but firearms don’t correspond to crimes that don’t involve firearms.
Okay, then I have a large collection of crack pipes but I get arrested for using heroin.
But I didn’t know we were talking specifically about crimes not involving firearms.
Where do I begin?
First and foremost, I belong to a gang. Or at least according to the FBI I do. I’m a Juggalo you see. Probably the only Juggalo you’re ever going to see in dress pants, a polo shirt and glasses but I’m fully down with the clown. It occurs to me that I could actually get hassled at the border over this and that’s without committing any crimes at all!
I got busted for shoplifting as a kid. They said the record goes away after X years but does it? Does it really? (Also, was busted for shoplifting Star Trek novels- now if that isn’t a fucked up kid!)
My writing, which features a lot of unimaginative sex. Okay it’s kind of weird that every female character is wearing a little black leather skirt but it’s much more weird that it’s the same story with every… single… one. This dude is obsessed!
Some of the Youtube videos I’ve linked to on Facebook. EpicLloyd’s Dis Rap’s For Hire features him sometimes kicking a baby or a puppy or something similar. It is all in comedic fun of course but could easily be read as violence fuel.
I have a fascination with the Israeli military and special forces. I figure if you know what Sayaret Matkal, Krav Maga and Namers are you’ve got to be in someone’s database as a potential troublemaker. I also posted an OP here about the Secret Service (hey guys!) and I’m fascinated with the security apparatuses around world leaders. A day or two after I posted that Assad was in the most danger from his own bodyguards, a bodyguard blew up four of his ministers.
I had an Anarchist’s Cookbook back in the day. Even then I was paranoid that it was compromised, which is to say that the government got their hands on it and changed all the recipes to the “blow your naughty fingers off” variety.
I have much porn. Some of it is categorized and organized in what is obviously serial killer fashion.
I have some violent video games.
I like some violent shows and movies. Alien Vs. Predator? Sick muthafucka! The Boondock Saints? The Matrix?
I have every one of Tom Clancy’s books and I’ve read them all many times.
I was unpopular in high school and sometimes bullied. I also had depression and my parents split up when I was young. I took prozac and a few others I can’t remember. I also wrote a lot of things that probably would get me arrested today.
I was fired from my last job. That’s always a good homicidal rage inducer.
I was a Mormon a long time ago. I mostly joined the church to meet girls, dated a couple, didn’t like where it was going, left so I could masturbate and drink coffee in peace.
I don’t think I’ll ever run for office. But I might, just to see if they find any of this stuff.
You never forget to mention you’re a pilot.