“How did you break your foot?”
“I dropped some tomatoes on it.”
“Tomatoes?!”
“They were in a can!”
Banana peels might help. If you can eat fast enough.
In order to use that though, you’d have to get within kicking distance of a ninja.
I will use psychological warfare. I’ll pluck one tiny little grape from a bunch of green grapes, hold this between my thumb and index finger, and then charge straight towards those ninjas while screaming “I’m holding a green grape in my right hand and I know how to use it!”
I would, very carefully, pick up a pineapple and hold it horizontally, so the leaves are pointed toward the attackers. One encounter with those sharp objects would convince them to seek another victim.
If there is a tropical fruit section go for the durian. Those sharp spikes will kill you. In fact people have died by having a fruit drop off the tree and clobber them. Here is a list of durian deaths from 2012
Corn. It’s really dangerous. Can go right through you.
Very cute.
Ninja-throwing-star fruit.
I’d squeeze lemons in their eyes.
I would beat them to death with a Kroger™ chicken breast.
You crack me up, Carni*
A chicken breast left in the produce section would not be a pleasant cudgel to get whacked with.
*nickname
Meanwhile, I’m still wondering about “a very pleasant produce section of my grocery store”. How many produce sections do you think my grocery store has?
Ooh, those little jars of garlic? I bet I could chuck one of those hard enough to at least cause a distraction.
Well, mine has at least two. One for the normal produce, and the other for the very pleasant produce.
I would grab the weighing basket, rip it from its moorings, and fling it with deadly accuracy and force like the nascent death Frisbee it was made to be.
Sorry…
“The very pleasant produce section…”
And now my cursed fuzzy brain wants to make it “The very pheasant produce section”
Pheasants have their own produce section? You guys shop waaaaay upscale from me.
I also want to provide an additional option against the ninja! At one of my more upscale stores, the produce section fades into the “fancy” cheese section, so a few times a year there’s a large, 80ish pound wheel of Parm just right there (no so slowly being sectioned off). Though I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to pick it up and chuck it at the ninja, not being built like He-Man.
But, as shown on this wonderful site:
The cheesemonger is heavily armed! I’m sneaking over there and (very, Very politely!) borrow some piercing instruments that the happen to have on hand!
I’d definitely fight ninjas with an aged parmesan, not because of its weight, but because it’s so… [takes off sunglasses]… sharp.