“How did you break your foot?”
“I dropped some tomatoes on it.”
“Tomatoes?!”
“They were in a can!”
Banana peels might help. If you can eat fast enough.
In order to use that though, you’d have to get within kicking distance of a ninja.
I will use psychological warfare. I’ll pluck one tiny little grape from a bunch of green grapes, hold this between my thumb and index finger, and then charge straight towards those ninjas while screaming “I’m holding a green grape in my right hand and I know how to use it!”
I would, very carefully, pick up a pineapple and hold it horizontally, so the leaves are pointed toward the attackers. One encounter with those sharp objects would convince them to seek another victim.
If there is a tropical fruit section go for the durian. Those sharp spikes will kill you. In fact people have died by having a fruit drop off the tree and clobber them. Here is a list of durian deaths from 2012
Corn. It’s really dangerous. Can go right through you.
Very cute.
Ninja-throwing-star fruit.
I’d squeeze lemons in their eyes.
I would beat them to death with a Kroger™ chicken breast.
You crack me up, Carni*
A chicken breast left in the produce section would not be a pleasant cudgel to get whacked with.
*nickname