Things Ninjas Don't Say

Myself and some of my brilliant students were wasting time last Friday after school, when we began a serious intellectual discussion about Ninja etiquette. Those of us who know Ninjas (human, not automotive) can attest to the following rule: Ninjas do not say certain things.

Here are a few of those things:

  1. Ow, I cut myself!
  2. Whaaaassszzzzzzupppp!
  3. Yo, hold up, Fireshadow. I gotta take a leak.
  4. Do I look fat in this thong?
  5. I want my baby back baby back bay bay bay baybee I want my baby back…
  6. Hold me.
  7. Rollin on da low mack wit my homiez…
  8. Dude, throw one of those 5-point thingees.
  9. Now that you’re tied up and secure, I’d like to tell you about Jesus.
  10. Jiggle the handle.

What else do Ninjas not say?

How do you like me new 7 inch spike heels???

Damn, I got a run in my stocking.
So, whaddya say, Mickey D’s for lunch?

“Watashi wa KAWAII!”

Japanese, meaning “I’m So CUTE!”

Also, “Let me tell you my secret plan before I kill you.”

  • Check out my new minivan.

  • <ring> - Yes, I love you too, snooky-wookums, but stop calling me while I’m at work.

  • You know, Hints from Heloise might have something about getting rust off a blade.

  • Sorry, can’t make the raid tonight - PTA meeting.

  • The drycleaner wouldn’t take a check and I didn’t have my Visa card.

  • E-mail me -

  • Aieeeeeeeeeurk, cough, cough, cough…

  • Sorry, gotta go: they charge a buck a minute per kid if I’m late picking them up from day care.

  • Found a book you might like. It’s called Dianetics

  • The wife had to go to a bridal shower, and the babysitter was sick. I didn’t think you’d mind, so…

  • Black is soooooo last-season. Khaki.

I dunno…I’ve seen some anime ninja that I wouldn’t put it past. :slight_smile:

And ‘Kawaiiiiiiiiii!’ could be a pretty good battle-cry…would certainly confuse the enemy. :slight_smile:

Anyway, to continue on the OP’s thread:
[li]Duuuuuuuuude[/li][li]Hot pink is SO your colour.[/li][li]Man, why are you so damned QUIET![/li][li]Have you taken your Imodium?[/li][/ul]

Yes, I’m still breast feeding.

How do you like my new poodle, “muffy”?

Is this going to take long? I’ve got a hair appoinment.

Damn. 3rd street!?!?!? I’m sure I said 33rd street!
Who’s your daddy?

Thstop it, thilly!

“Don’t worry; it happens to a lot of guys.”

“Ha look at me, I’m doing cool ninja kick thingies!!!”

“Ah. The eternal mystery…as the yin has its yang, why must the doughnut have its hole?”

Dammit hold still!

(while apparently poking at target’s back) lemme seee… third and fourth rib, third and fourth rib…

Now where did I leave that dagger…? Oh yeah, in Shogun Zho’s back!

Did you see Survivor last night???

Do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?

[li]Gomen nasai![/li][li]<ding-dong> Ninjas calling[/li][li]Ooh! Look! Tabi boots with Hello Kitty![/li][li]Hi, Opal.[/li][li]You have failed us for the last time, Regis Philbin…[/li][/ul]

[ul][li]You want fries with that?[/li]
[li]Where’s the secret chicken salad recipe?!*[/li]
[li]Have you tried the Brie yet?[/li]
[li]I’m out of ammo![/ul][/li][sup]

  • Extra points for anyone who gets this.[/sup]
  1. Do you want fries with that?
  2. AAAAH! Spider! I HATE spiders! Getitoffmegetitoffmegetitoffme!
  3. Using my special ninja powers, I will steal the toys out of EVERY specially marked box of Lucky Charms in this ENTIRE Safeway!
  1. Oh, butternuts.
  2. Tallyho!
  3. Hi Opal
  4. Cramp!
  5. Dude, this is so trippy.
  6. You know, I’ve been thinking. This whole “ninja” thing is just wrong. I mean, BLACK? Come on! Navy blue is harder to spot. And, look at this thing. Do any of YOU know how it works? Why the hell do we carry it? And THESE. These damn stars NEVER go straight! What were we thinking! And these hoods are HOT!
  7. That’s it! I’m on strike!
  8. Wait, is it heel-toe heel-toe, or toe-heel toe-heel?
  9. Ow! That hurt! Don’t hit so hard!
  10. Take THAT you big meanie head!
  11. Bill, I have lung cancer.
  12. So, I was getting my prostate checked, and I swear that doc’s done time…
  13. Does this gui make my ass look fat? Tell the truth…
  14. Do me. Now.
  15. Seriously though, Renoir is far overrated as a sculptor.
  16. Shit! Stubbed my toe!
  17. Hwaaaa!
  18. Mommy?
  19. We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
  20. Ninja. N-I-N-J-A. Ninja.
  21. Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap, clap-clap-clap-clap, GO NINJA!
  22. This is my nunchaku! This is my gun! One is for killing! One is for fun!
  23. Oh, fuck.
  24. So, how was your weekend?
  25. Damn electric bill bounced this month. I’m so screwed.

Can I show you my Mary-Kay catalogue?

Damn car won’t start.

  • … so I was talking to Toshiro and I was like “Does Tomoko like me?” and he was all “Well, I don’t know.” so I was all like “Well could you ask her?” and then he went like “Ask her what?” and I mean really, so I was all “Ask her if she likes me!” and he’s all “What if she doesn’t?” and I’m like…

  • Wait, before I kill you… do you think peace in our time is possible? I do, and I can tell you how…

  • sniff I can’t help it… sob that’s just so sad…

  • Ah, Mr. Tristan, you lucky white guy you, here, let me teach you alllll my secrets…

What’s Up, Tiger Lily? Or maybe that was egg salad–if not, that’s an abnormal number of ninja movies with salads.

“Kill myself to prove my loyalty? FUCK YOU!”

“These pink flamingoes I bought in America will add perfect harmony to the garden.”

“We apologize for the atrocities Japan committed in World War Two.”

“Wouldn’t just shooting him be a lot easier?”

“Are those nunchuks in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

And a well deserved Dope Slap for Zenster! (Line forms to the right…) Yes, it was egg salad. Duh…

At least I beat Snooooopy with the fries.