Oh yeah, and if I married my first kiss, I’d be in the same situation. Except with the other guy’s brother…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by magdalene *
From the people who brought you “Baby Monitor: Sounds of Fear” comes "What if Tomcat had married that one girl way back then?"
From [Daily Variety (Imaginary Edition), August 29, 2001:
HOLLYWOOD – Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Affleck and Matthew Lillard have been signed to appear in the Farelly Brothers’ next feature, “American Spermbank”, based on the best-seller “Tomcat’s Complaint” by Magdalene Smackdown.
Smackdown’s original screenplay is now in its seventeenth rewrite, following rejected drafts by John Logan, William Goldman, Scott Frank, Ted Tally, Kevin Smith, Callie Khouri, Quentin Tarantino’s cousin Ed, several former Los Angeles hairdressers, a security guard on the Paramount lot who happened to be walking past the production office at an opportune moment, and my mother’s cat. Production on the eighteenth draft, to be penned by David Mamet, begins this Friday.
Let’s see…if I’d married my first lover…
We’d be approaching our 16th anniversary. I’d have two kids and another on the way. We’d have our ups and downs, but generally be happy and still in love.
If my hubby had married HIS first lover…
They’d be approaching their 16th anniversary. They’d have two kids and another on the way. They’d have their ups and downs, but generally be happy and still in love.
That sounds like…wait…it IS! It’s the same scenario! Yes, it’s true–both my husband and I were the first for each other. Sounds like something for Ripley’s doesn’t it? 
Amazing! My first and I just got back in touch with each other!!! Of course, he’s keeping it a secret from his wife even though nothing is happening. Makes me realize even more how lucky I am not to be in her shoes but if I were…
I would be living in a beautiful house on the lake and spending my days decorating the house and playing with the baby. He would be a great dad and we’d be very amicable. Our sex life would be good until I found out that he was cheating on me… He’d apologize & swear it would never happen again & that I was the only girl for him and I’d believe him and our sex life would even better ever. He’d get a promotion at his job and we’d buy some new toys and maybe have another baby and we’d be happy until I found out he was cheating on me again… and the story would go on and on.
Hah! Thanks Mags! I needed a laugh today. And you probably aren’t too off with that…
While it was a great coming of age story (real long, plus I think I already posted it in one of those “So what was your first time like?” threads) the sluttiness was hilarious. As I was taking off her clothes and rounding third she said “Can you feel? I shaved it into a mohawk.”
Oh yeah, she was a punk-er. Had sex 'cause her par-ents told her not-to.
:Cut to the middle of the following week:
Went to her school and looked for her. She was in the library with some friends when I walked up behind her. I caught a glimpse of a piece of paper she had in front of her with a list of about 20-odd guys names on it. Some had stars by their names. Some had check marks. My name was at the bottom of the list. With a star. She turned around and saw me and quickly hid the paper.
:cut to the next weekend:
Some friends and I snuck into her basement after a party. By then she had given me the cold-shoulder. A few of us were in the far corner of the basement falling asleep. One guy named Bret had started making advances towards her, but I didn’t think that they would do anything right there with me in the room. As I was dozing off, waiting for them to either have sex or not so we could leave, what did I hear?
“…shaved it into a mohawk.”
Am I allowed to call her a slut? I think so.
-Tcat
Great thread.
If I had married my first kiss/sex…
If I didn’t die of either a cocaine overdose or at his hands, he would have left probably when I was twenty five and stopped looking like a teenager. Of course, he would have been cheating on me with high school girls during the entire marriage.
I can say this because he first approached me when I was thirteen and too young/dumb to know any better. He weaseled his way into my pants two days after my fourteenth birthday and got me addicted to cocaine.
He’s now serving time for ten counts of statutory rape.
I’d be a happy man. In fact, though her and I are now 6 hours apart, and we don’t stay in constant communication, when we do communicate the topic still comes up.
I ometimes think that, in the end, we will get married.
(I’m 18, not married, though some of the people I graduated with are soon to be!)
I’d married the first guy I kissed right out of high school, I’d be going to college like I am now. However, he’d probably force me to screw him at least once a day, no matter how tired I was. I’d refuse to have children with him, he’d get mad, curse at me, throw things, and then get over it. By the time we were 25, he’d have already discovered the “fun” of extramarital affairs. He’d probably become an alcoholic and abuse me. I’d leave him at age 29 and go live with a more stable, more loving man.
Thank God I’m not getting married. I can’t fathom what some of the couples I know are thinking.
That is, “IF I’d married…”
Carry on.
I did and we’ve been married over 30 years. Looking forward to retirement together in a few years. 2 children in their twenties whom I hope will provide grandchildren.