Let’s see… I’d be living in Romania. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. Without getting into details, mine was also a “Good god what was I thinking!” story.
I would have wondered where all the money I thought we were making was, as I would see little of it. Some nights, he’d have bitched about the mother of his kid. He’d have kept telling me that the mother was really just an old friend who had a crush on him, and the kid wasn’t his. He’d have reassured me that he’d be getting away from “that crazy bitch” soon enough. He’d have commented, “Isn’t it amazing how the kid looks like me? Her ex-boyfriend and I looked a lot alike.”
Every few months, he’d have had a bang-up argument with her (because she’d still have been living with us) then stormed out of the house, leaving me to cry and pray that he didn’t end up killing himself. He’d have come back every time, but if I asked what had happened, he’d just tell me that he needed to go to bed. We’d go to bed, then I’d wake up in three hours to go to university.
Indeed, I would’ve been alone for a couple of months while he claimed to be off in the Marine Reserves. During that time, he would have been off in some exotic locale feeding a line of crap to some other naive 18 year old. After about a year, I would figure out that I’d been a complete moron and divorced him. He would have harrassed me over the phone for about two weeks, then told me that he was going on active duty. Over the next few months, he’d have enlisted friends and family to tell me all sorts of horrible things (he wants to die, he’s been shot, he’s been paralyzed). When I didn’t buy it, the calls would stop, and I’d be rid of him.
Well, I wouldn’t have married the first person I had sex with for the same reasons I wouldn’t have married the last person I had sex with or any of those in between. Don’t do marriage.
But I’ve wondered sometimes what it would have been like for either of us if we’d had a relationship…MK wherever you are…wasn’t much of a connection, wasn’t much of what you’d call a starting point, but I would’ve hung out with you if I had had any reason to think you would’ve hung out with me…just to see…and thanks for making me a non virgin, no one else before you had seemed to want to be the one to do that…
Yikes! I’d probably still be living in New Mexico, probably leading a more-or-less middle class life, yet somewhat more “countrified” than I’d prefer – you know, with horses and cattle and all, on an exurban “ranchette” lot about 20 minutes outside of Las Cruces.
Meanwhile, I’d be saving for plastic surgery for her. She was otherwise attractive, but has some world class acne scars.
Is it legal to marry a turtle? (just kidding)
If I marry the first person I have sex with…
… well, I intend to! 
Go with the Law & Order episodes – far better than Lifetime movies. 
If I married the first person I kissed, I’d have to go to Vermont to do it… :o 
I did marry my first–both for sex and for a real kiss. Turned out to be a bad idea.
I married the first (and only) woman I had sex with, and I adore her. We’ve been together since 1987, married since 1994 and we are expecting our first child in about a month. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Ditto. I’d rather have JohnT’s experience, but hey, that’s life.
And in the category for “Best Double Take”… :eek:
Reading through this thread, I’m so glad my “my God – what was I thinking” relationship was the “first kiss” one, not the “first sex” one. The girl turned out to have emotional problems I was ill-equipped to deal with. As messy as it was, it could have been so much worse.
I’d be in Chicago. Probably in a grad program at the UofC in something completely impractical. We’d live in a grad student dump apartment in Hyde Park. He’d need an extra bedroom for his instruments. I would have had to learn how to use a Mac. We’d see his parents in Oak Park twice a month. His mother would send us home with casseroles. We wouldn’t have a car. I wouldn’t be able to shop anywhere other than the Salvation Army because we’d be poor and he hates all corporations. Our sex life would have dwindled to once a trimester. I’d be bored and flirting with my professors and other grad students until I had an affair and left him.
Did I mention I’d be bored? Really, really bored. Not that he wasn’t a nice guy, but good grief, after a few months I had nothing to say to him. I always suspected that he was gay, but if he is he has yet to come out of the closet. Plus he’s gotten weird, really paranoid about corporate culture and the government. I saw him a year ago and couldn’t believe we’d ever been together. A learning experience…
Though the chance of it happening would be tiny, I might run into my parents at his family get-togethers. (His mom is related through marriage to my mom.) This would simultaneously amuse me and weird me out.
We’d have weekends fishing or picnicking at a beach, and weekdays playing students and then bar-hopping. We’d get along really well, and we’d love each other, but it’d be a platonic love rather than a romantic love. We could still have hot monkey sex, but we’d be kidding ourselves if we believed it wasn’t a FWB arrangement.
I wouldn’t be unhappy if I was married to him, but I could be happier with someone else.
Well, for one thing my wife would be 43. Since I’m 28 (almost 29) that would be kinda weird, for me at least. I might not be working, though, since last I heard she had married a Chinese immigrant and was supporting him.
On one hand, it’d be ok, cause she really did like me and she liked sex…
On the other, I’d have done time in prison for killing her mother…
[sub]that bitch[/sub]
I’d be friggin miserable as I lived with a woman who continues to struggle with the dichotomy of loving her father, despite his repeated beating of her while she was a child.
Y’know, I’d love to give a long sordid tale with many funny analogies, but I can’t, really. I screwed her to lose my virginity, she screwed me because, well, she screwed everybody (ok, so maybe that would be my story- she’d be sleeping with all of my friends). She ended up dating my brother off-and-on for about 3 years later on, but that was mainly a story of pathetic situations.
-Tcat
Y’know, not to rain on anyone’s parade or anything, but I just thought about what my first would say if asked the same question. Now, while I’m able to say I was spectacular in bed, she might have had a different view. Plus, the person that I am today is far removed from the person that I was back then.
Anywho…
-Tcat
From the people who brought you “Baby Monitor: Sounds of Fear” comes “What if Tomcat had married that one girl way back then?”
Scene 1: Wedding Reception
Drunk white people are dancing badly to a cover band. Members of the older generation are sitting at tables with stern expressions. Cut to:
Scene 2: The Ladies’ Room
THE BRIDE is bent over the sink having sex with a MAN IN A TUX who is behind her. They finish, and the bride fixes her dress and her hair.
MAN IN TUX: We’d better get back out there. Everyone is probably wondering where you are.
BRIDE: You go out first - I’ll follow in a second so that no one will suspect.
MAN IN TUX: Suspect what? That you couldn’t wait til the wedding night? (sarcastically) I’m sure they would try to hide their shock.
BRIDE: (punching him on the arm) Get out there! I’ll be out in a second.
Cut to:
Scene 3: The head table, where THE GROOM (a-ha!) is sitting, idly stirring his drink and watching the dancers out of the corner of his eye. He looks supremely bored, although his face lights up whenever he spots a cute bridesmaid. He is flanked by a GROOMSMAN. MAN IN TUX returns to the table and sits next to the GROOM.
GROOM: Where were you? I thought you might be scoring, but all the bridesmaids are present and accounted for.
GROOMSMAN: (drunk) Dude, he was probably doing your mom. Oh wait, that was me! (He laughs hysterically at his own joke and then stumbles off toward the bar)
MAN IN TUX: Nah, just went outside for a walk. Where’s your wife?
GROOM: I don’t know. (taking a big sip of his drink) Maybe she’s off scoring too.
Enter BRIDE, looking flushed and beautiful.
BRIDE: Tommy, THERE you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! (sitting close to him and whispering) I can’t wait to get out of here and be alone with you.
GROOM: Yeah? Well, they haven’t even played the chicken dance yet. I think we’re stuck here for a while.
BRIDE: Wanna go take a walk with me? Find somewhere private?
GROOM: Nah…let’s wait until we get to the hotel.
BRIDE: Okay, I’m going to go talk to the family. Hey, is your brother around here anywhere?
I’d be sleeping in a one bedroom apartment in the ghettos of Tallahassee, with about 8 other people living there too. I’d be working at McDonalds still probably, and my husband would bring home the big bucks from the local gas station. We’d go to the movies every Friday night and just “chill” out front, and get high about 6 times a day. But oh, we’d be having some damn good sex…