Putting it in a fireproof container and dropping it off at the appropriate governmental office located closest to my house, to avoid the inevitable “government finds out through dragon-induced misadventure/nosy neighbors/both, and comes and kicks down your door, leaving your kid to maybe escape with the critter” subplot. Since obviously finding a baby dragon is a sign that you’re a character in a kid-oriented film, and you might as well get your kid started on his misadventure to save the dragon from the Evil Government Scientists/Military with the least amount of property damage to your house. I figure the kid can find a way to break into the ultra-secure government facility on his own, no problem.
Hmm… I’d be tempted to keep it, simply because it would be very cool to have a related family name, and actually have a dragon!
Beyond that, I don’t know. I know one or two people who probably have the land and resources to help house it, so I’d go to them (and a lawyer!) and start researching it (without hurting it, of course!) Probably make money off of showing it off to the public or something. It would depend on it’s behaviour and size, mostly.
I would offer the dragon to Disney’s Animal Kingdom, as:
A. they reportedly run a reasonably decent zoo, and:
B. unlike most other zoos, they are affiliated with an entertainment empire worth many, many billions of dollars; so they’d probably be pretty cool with an arrangement whereby they get exclusive ownership of a unique and amazingly merchandisable animal, and I get ownership of 275 million dollars after taxes.
I will go as low as 270 million if they throw in one of the subs from the old 20,000 Leagues ride. They must still have a couple lying around in storage somewhere.
As** Skald the Rhymer**: Get the goddamn thing out of my goddamn house before its goddamn mother sets the goddamn neighborhood on fire and eats us, goddamn it.
As Fabulous Creature: Take it to the menagerie and assign my top minion to its care. Immediately send someone out to look for more. Determine the sex and prepare for either a breeding or cloning program.
Oh, and kill everyone in the neighborhood who might know about. 'Cept Kimmy & the kid, of course.
What color is the dragon? If it’s metallic, then I know it’s of good alignment, and we’ll be keeping it. If it is Red, White, Black, Green, or Blue, it’s evil, so I’m gonna shoot it. Probably not much experience points for a baby dragon though.
First, do a happy dance.
Second, send the kid back to see if he can find any more.
I am the menagerie queen in my school/neighborhood/family. If it breathes, I’ll bring it home and make it a pet.
Now, I’d have to wonder where the hell the kid came from, so I could send it back home with the damn not-house-trained critter.
Back when I expected kids to be wandering through my house, I’d have probably yelled at the kid to get a stall cleaned out, made a trip to the feed store looking for Purina Dragon Chow, and secretly hoped the baby dragon would eat the evil emu, the stinky goat, all of the damn rabbits, the blind rooster (actually, I kind of liked him, but the uphill neighbor really did not), the wild skunk family under the shed, the uphill neighbor, the llama, all of the uphill neighbor’s wandering feral geese, that fucking peacock, the downhill neighbors’ wandering semi-feral pigs, the mean cow, and all the spotted knapweed in the pasture.
While that was happening, I’d have the peace, quiet and time to formulate a plan.
Nope, the partridges are only occasionally in my pine tree --they’re usually on the road where I smash into them with my car.
We had a houseful of soft-hearted kids, their father and I are soft-hearted suckers, and we live out in the country. I mentioned only the critters I didn’t like as potential dragon fodder.
The cats, dogs, horses, tortoise, snake, nice cows, burro, potbelly pig, lizards, alpaca, gerbils (maybe hamster – whichever type has a wee short stubby tail), and all not-under-my-shed skunky wildlife weren’t listed because I hope I could formulate a plan before the dragon got around to eating them.
For the record, the kids are grown, so we have only two pets (cats) now. The moose, pheasants, partridges, deer, foxes, raccoons, coyotes, skunks, rabbits and hares don’t count until they burrow under the shed.
Now I have made extensive studies of Dragons in my life. Most are bad news but some are extremely good news. I would feed quickly and try to make friends. I would then do as much research as I could quickly to determine what type of Dragon it was and if it was likely to be a friendly Dragon, a horrendous evil or just grow into a huge ravening monster that I could not afford to feed. If it is the second or third, I will look to sell the critter. I would start with the Bronx Zoo and American Museum of Natural History.
Just need to say **Eleanor of Aquitaine **already brought up Pern.
