I’d beg her to go back to the shrink, holding the threat of telling Dad over her if need be. Mum having an affair would be pretty clear evidence that she was going woo-woo again and needed help.
Nope. Unless one or the other were to consult me.
Back before my dad really understood computers and I was maybe 12 or so, I would occasionally read through his logs from mIRC or ICQ. There were women - lots of them, 17 - 40 somethings. He would send pictures, so would they, etc. I wrote it off as mostly harmless, because it was the internet. There was nothing beyond fantasy there.
My dad started becoming more forceful about wanting to use the computer, kicking me off even if I had a project that needed doing or yelling at me through my bedroom door if I tied up the phone line with frivolous talking…you know, as opposed to the meaningful discussion that must have gone on in IRC.
I checked his ICQ logs again and discovered a new woman and references to meet ups, phone calls, pictures, lunches, love poems. I was probably not even 13 at the time, but I knew what I saw. I couldn’t even process it, so I closed the window and just tried to block it out.
I’ve always had suspicions my mom had or is having an affair. There are phone calls she makes where she moves to another room, speaking in a hushed tone but with extreme familiarity to the other person. They seem to know me by name (she’ll say “VoluntaryPlan’s in the room, have to call you back” as if that were subtle) despite me never meeting them.
To be honest, even if I were directly confronted with physical evidence of an affair, I am not sure I would ever say anything. The dysfunctional relationship my parents have is their own problem and they tend to have a habit of putting their kids in the middle of these things.
That’s interesting. If my wife were cheating on me and one of my kids knew about it, I’d hope that they’d tell me instead of “minding their own business”. I’d feel quite hurt if I were to find out later on that they had known and not done anything. I’d also be doubly angry at my wife for having put them in that position.
Huh. Turn it around. If you were having an affair and a parent found out, would you be cool with your parent cluing in your spouse?
Personally, I don’t wanna know about my parents’ sex lives whether it is with one another or third parties.
I think that’s different. My parents are my parents. I would expect a certain degree of loyalty from them that I don’t think my wife would be entitled to. If my mother-in-law found out, I’d fully expect her to rat me out. Since our kids are our kids, I would expect loyalty towards both of us. Since, IMHO, it’s not really possible to remain equally loyal with the OP, I’d favor the one that wasn’t breaking their marital vows.
Agreed. But in the OP’s scenario, the knowledge of the affair was forced upon us.
I’d hope they would. It’s the right thing to do, and I don’t expect their loyalty when I’m being an asshole.
I’d tell Mom to tell Dad, and if she didn’t, I would.
If God didn’t want people to cheat, he’d have made it a commandment.
Well, I wouldn’t enjoy it at the time, but, in theory: yes. Affairs include substantial risk to the health of the unknowing spouse. I can’t find a cite at the moment, but I read a study that showed most people havign affairs were not using condoms, at least at the beginning.
I think anyone who thinks they are ina monogamous relationship has a right to know they are being cheated on. There are physical, emotional and even mental repercussions to the continuation of the sick relationship. The longer the affair goes on the greater the damage and the less liekly the relationship can be salvaged.
Thank you for your exercise of doublethink.
Umm, no they’re not.
Would you have the detective give you an extra copy of the film, for your own -ahem - use, cause, well, you never know?
As for your response to panache45, I suspect that it betrays some assumptions you may be making about his parents’ relationship, that may not happen to be so…
HELL NO.
I just find it contradictory that she doesn’t mind her mom having an affair but she does mind her dad having an affair.
That’s clear. But the fact that you call it “doublethink” (a corruption of “double standard”?) suggests that you are presuming that panache45’s parents’ relationship was symmetrical in terms of fidelity and respect.
Yes, everyone’s parents’ relationship, and everyone’s relationship with their parents is obviously different, which could result in them being afforded different levels of loyalty. Which would be a double standard, but it might not be an undeserved one.
If there were a corresponding OP asking what we’d do if our father had asked us to keep the secret, my answer would be different than it is for this thread.
I would immediately dime her out. I don’t condone cheating (by which I mean one person going outside a relationship without the other person’s consent).
I’ve never had to tattle on a parent, but I’ve done so with friends before.
I would start punching my mother and would not stop until they dragged me off of her in handcuffs. I would also hurt the other guy as well and do damage to his sexual organs
First of all, I’m a “he.” Secondly . . . it’s not contradictory at all, if you know the dynamics of my parents’ marriage . . . which you don’t.
I would ask if dad knew or not. If so, all good, though i learned something I didn’t really care to know about my folks. If not… As much as I would want to ignore the whole drama on the grounds that they are adults and can think for themselves, I’ve seen what cheating can do to a man(and woman, i presume, though have never witnessed), and would have to tell dad if she didn’t. In a situation like that, sooner is better than later.
Something like this happened to me when I was around 16.
My father (who had been cheating on my mother regularly for many years, but I did not know that at the time) developed a crush on a woman he met on a vacation trip. She was also married, but apparently fell in love with him.
They had an affair and she sent regular letters. My father coerced me to make sure to be the first to check the mailbox every day and hide the letters from Mom. I should have told him to f* off, but I did not have it in me, so I complied. of course one day my mother was first at the mailbox, so she found out. She asked me “did you know your father had an affair with X?” I said “Ask him yourself, I do not want to be part of this”.
Since then, my father is pissed off at me because he thinks I told on him. My mother is pissed off because I didn’t. A child in a situation like this cannot win.
Looking back, I should have refused to go along with my father’s demands. However, I later found out that he had basically been sleeping with everything that wasn’t up a tree at the count of 3 and my mother had been ignoring it even though she knew. There was nothing I could have done to save their marriage, so I do not feel guilty about it, I just think it was unfair to involve me …