…brains were dynamite, he/she couldn’t blow his/her nose…
only Edmond Dantès had been a little smarter, he could have married his sweetheart Mercédes, but he never would have become a millionaire.
Or, to be more clear:
If
small Mediterranean island 2 miles (3.2 km) outside the port of Marseille, Fr. Its castle, built by the French king Francis I in 1524, was later used as a state prison. The castle was made famous when Alexandre Dumas père, the 19th-century French writer, used it as one of the settings in his novel The Count of Monte Cristo (1844-45).
…I had a little red box, to put my Jesus in
I’d take him out and ::smooch, smooch, smooch::
And share him with a friend.
But … I had a little red box, to put the Devil in
I’d take him out and
SMASH HIS FACE
And put him right back in.
(Courtesy of CatRimbaud, Froololly, and years of Bible Camp.)
“I like toast.” 
…a frog had wings his ass wouldn’t hit the ground every time he jumped.
-alternately-
I…
Could…
Wood…
Yew…
majormd–I know some more of that Bellamy Brothers song…whould you like me to share?
Okay, here’s more:
If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas
If ifs and ands were pots and pans, the world would be a kitchen
And my dad’s favorite:
“If I have to pull over…”
…my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
…you got a problem
Yo! I’ll solve it
Check out the hook
While my DJ revolves it
Ice ice baby