So I go to my local IGA because I have a hankering to make me a big ol’ Dagwood sandwich. I pick up my loaf of french bread, my various (fake) luncheon meats, my cheese, my other various and sundry sammich items and a jar of IGA store brand sweet sandwich stacker pickles. I come home and start assembling the sandwich and I get to the pickles and, despite clearly being labeled as sweet, I discover they’re dill! Now, I like dill all right but dill isn’t what I wanted. The whole sandwich concept just plummets and I’m really pissed off. This is the second time in the last couple of months I’ve bought a jar of sweets only to get dills instead.
Damn dill pickle-laden sammich. It’s just not the same.
That happened to me once. I bought a jar of Vlasic sweet gherkins and discovered they were dill - after I had chopped some up and mixed them with my chicken salad.
I hate dill.
On a wholly unrelated note - but not really - I once bought a bag of Luvs diapers, opened them up, and discovered the package was a mix of half Luvs, half Pampers. That was weird.
You can always do with the pickles what I did with the dill pickles I brought home yesterday. Put sugar on them!
It should be noted that I bought dill pickles intending to make sweet dill pickles. I must also admit that I had to call my mother to find out how much sugar I needed to put on them. “Hey Mom! How much sugar goes on the dill pickles? I REALLY wanted a peanut butter pickle sandwich”
Recipe for Sweet Dill Pickles
2 quarts whole dill pickles
2 cups sugar
no more than 3 tablespoons water.
Drain pickles, cut in chunks or slices, put in jar. Add sugar and water. Put in fridge. Wait until sugar is completely dissolved. Eat.
Ah, yes. The pickles. I want a dill pickle. With just dill. No other spices. I look at my carefully-prepared sammitch and take a nice bite. And my deli, who’s been taking my orders since I was seven years old, has put garlicky pickles in. I spit out my mouthful and quickly rinse my mouth, cursing the new owners. Anything but plain dill ruins my sandwich.
They serve pizza now. In a deli. What is wrong with them?
Sweet pickles, synthetic luncheon meat, adding sugar to dill pickles, pickles on peanut butter sandwiches–now I know what they serve for lunch in Hell.
I could deal with the fake lunch meat, but the rest…I don’t like pickles on sandwiches, but I do love a good dill on the side. Sweet pickles are an abomination unto God, no matter where they exist.
