It’s a long story, so I didn’t want to unnecessarily clutter this forum:
https://www.reddit.com/r/needadvice/comments/44m7vy/im_16_is_my_35_yo_therapist_into_me_or_am_i/
Reported. That’s not how it works here. Also, I didn’t read your link but she’s not in to you.
Give him a break. It’s his very first post, after all.
EDIT: Just looked at the rules, it doesn’t look like I’m breaking any. I’m not here to try and start arguments, but to solicit unbiased opinions on my situation. Sorry if I offended you, sir.
I’d just ask her out, see what happens.
Can you give us a two- or three-paragraph summation of the story?
Otherwise, our answers are going to show about as much effort as your question. At a guess, I’d say that posts 2 and 5 cover the spectrum of possible answers given the information in the OP.
Didn’t you see the link in the original post?
Tell her you have dreams of having sex with her and ask her what they mean. You’ll know by her reaction.
No one is going to click on the link. You need to give us a (short) summation.
And the answer is, no, she is not into you.
I saw it. I chose not to click on it because I’m at work and don’t want to go to Reddit on my work computer, if that’s even possible given the prudery censors in place here.
Given the respective ages, and assuming the therapist is a professional, the chance of her actually being “into” you is so close to zero as to not matter.
Yes, you’re reading into things, which at your age is pretty normal.
Your therapist is not into you. But it is a natural part of the therapeutic process for you to have feelings and even to feel like you’ve fallen in love. It’s called Transference. I’m not making this up. These are real feelings of love and attraction, but feelings that you cannot act upon. The idea is that you experience these feelings within the safety of a professional relationship where your train can’t derail. You can certainly tell her how you feel, and if she is a competent professional, she will understand, she will not laugh at you or ridicule you, but she will also not act on anything that you tell her.
If you don’t like the link I gave you just google “transference psychology” or something like that and you’ll get a lot of information.
Transference, i.e., having loving, even passionate feelings for your therapist is a perfectly normal part of a good therapy relationship. **And **the therapist is not into him personally.
Why is everyone so quick to jump to a consensus when they haven’t even read the story? I can’t edit the original post because the time frame has run out. It’s a long story because of contextual reasons, but I’ll just break down the main points for those asking for a summary:
-We always have tight hugs after sessions 3-7 seconds. One time she pressed her cheek against mine, but could’ve been an accident. Last session she was walking a lot closer to me than usual and bumped into me a couple times, and stroked my back when she said bye. I say bye to the female receptionist, and she twists up her face. Wants to know what I think about her. One appointment day I was sick and she found my house number to schedule an extra appointment. She wanted to know if I recognized if it was her calling that day. Also seeks validation, e.g. asking if the way I act with her is how I act when I feel close to someone. Once made a joke about “having coffee” with my dad (she knows his code word for sleeping with someone is “grabbing coffee”). She’s quick to tell me a girl is attracted when they haven’t done anything in particular to show interest, e.g. just friendliness. Was telling her how a girl cussed me out because I got her number and didn’t call back, therapist tells me “She sounds like a bitch, I think you deserve much better than that”.
-Telling me about dream she had where she was crying because she thought I died, later saw me dressed in football jersey. (This dream would have been after just 2 sessions) Also self disclosing irrelevantly: e.g. how she went to a party in her naughty “adult pajama party” costume, dreams where she’s beating/trying to kill her father. And how a boy at her old job choked her out and tried to intimidate her, then falsely accused her of sexual misconduct (Also said I’m the only one who knows, not even her current boss). Mentioned how she duct-taped, tied up her brother and locked him in the closet when she was 9.I told her how I was going to send drugs in the mail, she tells me to wear gloves so I won’t leave fingerprints. Because she’d “die” if I went to jail. I asked if I was to plan a murder, would she help me; she responds “Yeah, if they had it coming”. I tell her I might be moving away, and her eyes fill up with tears. We discuss how it’s a good opportunity for me since we’re in a rough area/school, and she halfheartedly agrees. Despite this, she later on tries convincing me not to move, gives BS reason that I don’t want to mess up my school year.
-Almost secretly got me a 25-50$ gift card as reward for good grades, got paranoid and decided to bake me a cake instead. Called me on her personal cell number when she contacts other clients on her work number. Once almost invited me to hang out with her outside of therapy (with her friends around), said she’d hang out with me if it wasn’t against the rules. Supposedly her boss heard about the gift card and a few other things and found it suspicious. She tells him reason she’s acting this way is because I remind her of her little brother. She told me because of this “brother dynamic”, she just wants to take care of me, feed me, and be in my life. Once joked about adopting me.
This board can be a tough crowd. Trust me. I’ve experienced it.
You should have posted that stuff right off the bat. Having said that, some of those things seem inappropriate to me. Is this a school counselor, or someone that you go to her office and your parents are paying the bill?
If you were my kid, and I knew these details, I’d find another therapist for you. SHE should be keeping firm boundaries–it’s not your job to do it, it’s hers.
She’s in training to be a marriage therapist and almost has her license, she’s been doing therapy for 3 years. She actually told me the reason she wanted to become a LMFT was to break couples apart instead of helping them. My high school has a free program where students can talk to therapists once a week. If we can’t meet at the school, we’ll go to her office. Which reminds me, I’m her only client at the high school that she invites back to the office. She even referred to me being her favorite client once.
The only way to know for sure is to just rip her shirt off and start humping like a bunny. If she is cool with it you know she is into you… if she screams she is not.
We look forward to hearing about how it went in 5-20 years.
Hi applesauce,
Yes, she is into you or wants to hook you up with someone.
She is unprofessional though. Probably will lead to an arrest or make your life more complicated.
Ignore the anal retentive rule nerds on here. They wish they had a therapist like you do.
Can’t anyone give this kid a helpful, serious answer, for Pete’s sake. This trainee’s behavior sounds unprofessional and inappropriate.
Yeah, if what you’ve said is true, she is all kinds of inappropriate. Almost everything she has said and done is just completely off-base and unethical, and manipulative and taking advantage of your situation. I feel creepy just reading that.
I’ll give him a serious answer, it may not be helpful.
It doesn’t make any difference if she is into you or not. If she is, and she follows through, it would ruin her professionally. She’d be done as a therapist. She might be prosecuted - even if statutory rape doesn’t cover it, some states have laws that discourage the relationship between a mental health professional and a patient.
So drop it. Discourage her from inappropriate behavior for her own good. Find another therapist. It sounds like you need to be the grown up, which isn’t fair.
True love between a sixteen year old and a thirty year old is rare - what isn’t rare is attraction. And if there weren’t the professional relationship, she would still probably have an issue with ages until you are eighteen. People go to jail for this. Unless you want to ruin this woman, drop it.