I'm 50 and drinking more than ever. Is there a potential problem?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I just turned 50 this month. Over a year ago I (and a number of co-worker peers) left the company we were with, and joined a different company which offers much better sales tools and opportunities. The corporate culture of this new company is more male centric, and tends to involve considerably more bar centric get togethers after hours.

There is no overt pressure to drink to excess, and I normally only drink socially (I have no alcohol in the house) but like any group of guys it gets to be “let me buy you one” then you buy him one etc. etc. and before you know it you’ve quaffed 5+ beers over 2 -3 hours and have a major buzz. Plus the bartender is very gregarious, and a borderline friend (at this point) and tends to refill your glass without you even asking.

I have no ''need" to drink at all, but to go to bar and socialize without the give and take described above sans buzz seems kind of pointless, and to be honest it’s kind of enjoyable. Also once you’ve had 2 beers your judgement about more beers tends to be somewhat compromised. I tend to drink quickly and if I left after 2 beers I would miss a lot of the socializing I’ve grown to enjoy.

Anyway, like I said I’m 50 and I find myself in these (to me) over consumption scenarios about once a week. I’ve never been a big drinker and only drink socially, but I’m worried that it’s not a good idea to keep hammering my liver (even intermittently) at my age. would it be best just to go cold turkey, or figure out some beer nursing strategy that would extend the drinking time without over consuming?

2

Some Smart People will be along shortly. If you are worried about it even a little, that is probably a sign you ought to worry about it.

Why not swear off the sauce for a week or month to see how it goes? If you have no problem, quitting ought to be no problem.

3

[QUOTE=Paul in Saudi]
Some Smart People will be along shortly. If you are worried about it even a little, that is probably a sign you ought to worry about it.

Why not swear off the sauce for a week or month to see how it goes? If you have no problem, quitting ought to be no problem.
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It’s not so much the beer (as such) I enjoy but the socializing. I’m not currently in a relationship, my 17 and 21 year olds who live with their mom across town are not typically going to want to spend Friday night out with Dad (I’ve tried believe me) , and there’s no one waiting for me at home. I could go exercising and volunteer at X,Y or organizations, but it’s the end of the week, I’m tired, the bar is across the street (literally) and my friends are in the bar. My (real world) alternative is to go home, nuke a Lean Cuisine, and post on the dope.

There’s a bunch of stuff surrounding the “sauce” I’d have to jettison also.

4

Hey, if you don’t have a need to drink and you’re just socializing, there’s no problem with alternating one beer, one glass of water. It keeps you hydrated, gives you something to hold while talking, and won’t hurt your liver as much.

5

[QUOTE=astro]
It’s not so much the beer (as such) I enjoy but the socializing. I’m not currently in a relationship, my 17 and 21 year olds who live with their mom across town are not typically going to want to spend Friday night out with Dad (I’ve tried believe me) , and there’s no one waiting for me at home. I could go exercising and volunteer at X,Y or organizations, but it’s the end of the week, I’m tired, the bar is across the street (literally) and my friends are in the bar. My (real world) alternative is to go home, nuke a Lean Cuisine, and post on the dope.

There’s a bunch of stuff surrounding the “sauce” I’d have to jettison also.
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I’ve been in this same situation before, worrying about my drinking. A common adage is, “If you’re worried about it, you probably have a problem.”

I don’t buy into that, and I think that is a saying heavily influenced by a lot of the scare-tactics used by people who treat substance abuse.

There’s two general guidelines I’ve always thought “made sense” to me. One, I heard from Father Martin, a priest who overcame alcoholism and gave many talks on the subject. Father Martin said during one of his speeches that, “If alcohol is causing you problems, and you continue to drink, you have an alcohol problem.”

I think that’s definitely true, to continue to do something that is causing trouble for yourself doesn’t make sense–so if you do that, I can only conclude you have an alcohol problem. There are many more “problem drinkers” than there are people who are “alcoholics” and being a problem drinker can lead to just about as many problems as alcoholism.

The other guideline I’ve gone by is, if you find yourself unable to control how much you drink, when you do start drinking, you may be an alcoholic (this comes from the A.A. Big Book.) It differentiates from “how often” “how much” because those aren’t the questions you need to answer. Many people who drink very often and in great amounts are not alcoholics. Many people who only drink occasionally are alcoholics.

Alcoholism will manifest in different ways for every person. It isn’t uncommon that you have an alcoholic who will go days or weeks without a drink, and then go on a frightening binge where he loses all control over his drinking–during these binges the alcoholic can destroy their lives (DUIs, destroyed relationships and et cetera.)

So it isn’t how much you drink or how often, it is “can you stop once you start?” If you find you can’t easily stop drinking once you’ve started drinking–the A.A. Big Book at least says that is a sign that you may be an alcoholic.

6

[QUOTE=Bill Door]
Hey, if you don’t have a need to drink and you’re just socializing, there’s no problem with alternating one beer, one glass of water. It keeps you hydrated, gives you something to hold while talking, and won’t hurt your liver as much.
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I find myself doing this when I go to a bar just to hang out or watch a game. Order a pint of something dark, then the next drink is a bottle of water.

I’ve found in those situations it isn’t “more alcohol” I need, alcohol is just people’s first thoughts when they order something at a bar.

7

Order some food as well,it gives you something to do while taking the edge off of that third or forth beer.

I’m pushing 50 myself and in a similar situation with co-workers and family. I find myself more worried about weight gain than alcoholism. If I have more than four I worry about picking up a DUI on my way out, which in my case would be a career killer. So I tend to bow out early and let my friends and co-workers buy me one more “next time around”.

8

[QUOTE=Si Amigo]
Order some food as well,it gives you something to do while taking the edge off of that third or forth beer.

I’m pushing 50 myself and in a similar situation with co-workers and family. I find myself more worried about weight gain than alcoholism. If I have more than four I worry about picking up a DUI on my way out, which in my case would be a career killer. So I tend to bow out early and let my friends and co-workers buy me one more “next time around”.
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And.. this is another concern. My house is about 10 minutes from the bar. If I drive home on the back roads after imbibing 5 Otter Creek beers over 2.5 hours that’s probably cause for concern. I’m a big guy, but nobody’s metabolism burns alcohol that fast, and I’m pretty sure that my blood alcohol would be over .08 at that point. I don’t think a DUI would be a “career killer” for me, but it would be an incredible pain in the ass, and my insurance costs would skyrocket. Plus, most importantly it’s not safe or responsible to drive with a mid level buzz.

9

How about telling the bartender you want to alternate alcohol-free beer with ordinary beer? That would leave the socializing-with-a-beer-in-hand image intact.

Also, I doubt you are the only one of your co-workers with this problem. Ask around; how do the others cope who still have to drive home after such an evening of wet socializing?

10

I think this is better suited for IMHO than GQ.

Colibri
General Questions Moderator

11

[QUOTE=Martin Hyde]
I find myself doing this when I go to a bar just to hang out or watch a game. Order a pint of something dark, then the next drink is a bottle of water.

I’ve found in those situations it isn’t “more alcohol” I need, alcohol is just people’s first thoughts when they order something at a bar.
[/QUOTE]

Alternatively try a (nearly) non-alcoholic drink. If you don’t like regular soft drinks, try asking the bartender to combine these ingredients with ice in a lowball glass:

Dash of Angostura* (Angostura is about 80 proof, but the amount’s very small)
Liberal squeezes of lime juice
Tonic water (the diet version is actually better if you don’t care for sweet drinks)
*Jagermeister could be used instead of Angostura, it’s very similar. But remember, the amount has to be negligible. It’s the bitter flavor you want, not the ethanol.

And voila! you have an almost entirely non-alcoholic drink, but one that has some “bite” to the taste. I love these, and it reminds me I need to go out and buy more tonic water today. And if you think anyone cares, it looks like you’re drinking some variant of a gin-and-tonic. I

Astro, you say you are 10 minutes by car from this bar. Could you walk, or take public transit? Or perhaps walk one way (going) and take a taxi home? I have to admit, I almost never do it anymore, but walking to a pub, about a mile away, is my favorite form of exercise, bar none.

12

astro, as a follow-up to my last statement, please consider this as the first and most urgent step:

Stop driving home from this place. I have been in your situation, when I used to drink more than I do now. The conviviality of a friendly evening at the pub, and the euphoria of the alcohol combine to make “another one” always seem like a good idea. Then it’s time to go home, and you wonder if you can manage to drive home. Is it better to take a main drag with fewer stops and the opportunity to get home more quickly, or should you take the side streets where you are less likely to be noticed?

Before you look into this any further, if I were you I would find a way to stop driving on these nights.

13

I’m bewildered by the fact that the concept of drinking something non-alcoholic didn’t already cross your mind, seeing as how it’s about the socializing and not the drinking anyway. If your buddies wonder why you switched after 1 or 2 beers, just say, “I’m driving” and leave it at that. I seriously doubt anyone would question or rib you about a decision like that. Just switch to tonic with lime and keep having fun socializing. It’s not rocket science.

14

Just a few thoughts…

  1. Definitely do not drive. Assume that you are over the limit if you think you might be, and just play it safe. A DUI might be just a PITA for you, but you aren’t just risking yourself. It is considerably more than a PITA for whoever else you might affect! A 10 minute drive is what, a 30 minute walk at most? Walk home. It will kill the buzz, and burn off a few calories from those beer, which is better for you in the long run. Walk back the next day for your car - even healthier for you.

  2. If you are worried about “drinking too much” then I think that’s a good thing… it’s the people for whom it never crosses their minds that they might be overindulging that I worry about! Give yourself a limit (no more than 3 beers, say), and stick to it, and watch the clock. If it’s been less than X time (30? 45 minutes) since you ordered your last one, just wait a bit. Tell the bartender that you appreciate the generosity, but not to randomly give you refills. If you find you can’t do these things… then yes, I’d say you have a problem and probably shouldn’t be drinking at all!

  3. Be the designated driver. Free non-alcoholic drinks (if it’s not the bar’s policy, then your friends will likely be nice enough to get you something!), you get to feel good for doing a good deed, and you give you liver a break. People appreciate that you’re looking out for them, and you get to stay to the end of the night and not miss anything, and you have your car with you when you get home. And you get to make sure that no one else is dumb enough to drive home when over the limit. If you find you can’t do that… then yes, you have a drinking problem!

Getting a buzz once a week isn’t necessarily a sign that you’re an alcoholic. There are a lot of other factors at play, and you need to consider those too.

15

[QUOTE=Shayna]
I’m bewildered by the fact that the concept of drinking something non-alcoholic didn’t already cross your mind, seeing as how it’s about the socializing and not the drinking anyway. If your buddies wonder why you switched after 1 or 2 beers, just say, “I’m driving” and leave it at that. I seriously doubt anyone would question or rib you about a decision like that. Just switch to tonic with lime and keep having fun socializing. It’s not rocket science.
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I’m sorry, I should be more clear. I do enjoy a relaxing 2 beer buzz, the problem (after 2 beers) is stopping at that point. I need to either avoid the bar entirely which I would miss socially, but not physically, or figure out some nursing or substitution strategy (as some have suggested) to keep the blood alcohol levels within a prudent range.

16

I’ve been in the situation of worrying that I was drinking too much. What I did was simply not drink alcohol for a couple weeks. I went to the same places, hung with the same friends but simply didn’t drink. When I realized that I could control what went in my body I relaxed and let myself have what I wanted.

I would try that out. If you really have a problem it will become more clear when you just decide to stop drinking for a while and you can go from there.

17

At age 50, excessive alcohol contributes more significantly to high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes. They feed on one another, as well. It may be time to slow down.

18

My father “quaffed” a sixpack/coldpak every weekend. He had no overt medical problems. But when he had heart trouble and gall bladder problems in his late sixties, his liver began to fail. After that…1932 to 2004.

19

[QUOTE=astro]

I’m sorry, I should be more clear. I do enjoy a relaxing 2 beer buzz, the problem (after 2 beers) is stopping at that point. I need to either avoid the bar entirely which I would miss socially, but not physically, or figure out some nursing or substitution strategy (as some have suggested) to keep the blood alcohol levels within a prudent range.
[/QUOTE]
I think you sell yourself short. Just knowing what I do of you from your tenure on this board, I think now that you’ve realized you don’t enjoy drinking to that degree in that situation, you’ll be more than able to dial it back. Stop worrying, do what you now know you need to do and have fun!

One thing you might consider doing if you really don’t trust yourself to switch to non-alcoholic drinks after 2 beers, is to call your new buddy the bartender before the next time you show up there in the company of your buddies, and tell him you’d like his help in switching you to whatever your non-alcoholic drink of choice is after the 2nd beer. I’m confident he’ll respect your choice and support your decision from behind the bar.

20

[QUOTE=astro]
I’m sorry, I should be more clear. I do enjoy a relaxing 2 beer buzz, the problem (after 2 beers) is stopping at that point. I need to either avoid the bar entirely which I would miss socially, but not physically, or figure out some nursing or substitution strategy (as some have suggested) to keep the blood alcohol levels within a prudent range.
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If one is setting limits on one’s alcohol consumption, then failing to adhere to those limits on a regular basis, that indicates a much higher likelihood for problem drinking in one’s future (and possibly in one’s present.) Normal drinkers do not do this. At least not for very long at all. Yellow caution lights appear.

If one then moves on from that stage to trying to get someone else to enforce one’s set limits for one’s alcohol consumption, risk of problem drinking is higher still. Red alert lights appear. Hopefully not in one’s rearview mirror, but that is where they are commonly seen.

I fear I have no advice on how one may turn oneself back into a normal drinker if one has consistently strayed from a normal drinking pattern.

Good luck, astro.