I'm 50 and drinking more than ever. Is there a potential problem?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Interesting thread and not that much different than some earlier stages in my own life. FWIW I now average less than one drink a day and don’t miss it at all. From some of the information gathering I went through in the past, here’s what stands out.

First, you’re much too old to worry about becoming an alcoholic. Most alcoholics are well on their way at a much younger age. Can’t remember exactly but I think if you aren’t drinking too much by the time you’re about 25 it’s too late. The one exception I remember is if you sufffer from a major trauma, something along the lines of 9/11 up close. Apparently a lot of survivors turned to substance abuse as a means of coping.

Second, if you’re worried about becoming an alcoholic try to go 30 days with 2 drinks or less per day. If you can do it, you probably don’t have much of a problem.

Finally if you want to minimize negative health effects make sure that the rest of your diet is healthy.

And I’ll join the list of those saying that the suggestions so far seem like they’d be helpful, especially the ideas about how to cut back w/o giving up your social activities.

42

Just an FYI - One can become an alcoholic/problem drinker at any age. 30 or 80, doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, I’ve heard stories of a man who drank way too much in his twenties, completely stopped [said he’d drink after he retired], had a long prosperous business career, retired at 55 and drank himself to death by 56.

43

Sorry, must disagree with each point. Lots of folks develop alcoholism later in life without significant trauma.

Also, short periods of control do not rule out alcoholism in many cases.

Again, these are general principles, and not meant to be applied to the OP’s case specifically here.

44

There are these things called “no alcohol beers” - O’Doul’s, Sharps, Kaliber are just three examples - that have a minuscule amount of alcohol but look and smell just like real beer. According to my husband, the taste is quite similar (though of course there isn’t the alcoholic kick). Most bars stock some sort, and if the bar you frequent does not ask that they do. Consumption of these in lieu of some of the real beer will enable you to socialize freely without “hammering” your liver or posing a risk on the road.

45

It also sounds like you may want to fina some other outlets for some of your social time. I don’t know where you live, but I suspect you’ve got a ton of other alternatives that “go home, nuke a Lean Cuisine, and post on the Dope.” What interests you? What have you never done but would like to try? I’m not being snarky, but people get into ruts of behavior through sheer laziness more than anything else - you may want to expand your opportunities for social interaction a little and see where that leads you. Instead of hitting the bar on a Friday, give it some thought and come up with an alternative activity.

Life’s short and the world’s big.

46

In this I have to agree based on my own experience. I frequently mention how I needed to reduce my consumption beginning late last year, for medical reasons, and I know now that it was sneaking up on me. My consumption of alcohol was definitely rising. If I hadn’t caught it I’d be in trouble.

When I look back on the early weeks after that point, I remember feeling really restricted, and I would have to pull out “moderation” tricks like the practice of skipping the drink before dinner. Because that way, I could have my one drink after dinner, the time when I usually had a second or third one, and feel I wasn’t missing out on that second drink. It’s almost as if it wasn’t the first drink I missed, but the ones after.

Now though, I can have my glass of wine in the afternoon, or at “cocktail hour”, or after dinner, or whenever. If I have it early, I no longer feel deprived by not being able to have one later.

I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet, and this bullet does run in my family.

47

Have a club soda between beers. Drink something non-alcoholic. Just tell your co-workers that you feel like you’ve been drinking more than you feel like. That you want to hang out, but you feel like you’ve gotta watch your weight or something. I doubt anyone will think it’s a big deal.

48

I’m going to vote this suggestion down. Hinting that you have an alcohol problem isn’t necessary and could lead to views that work is or will be a problem in the future. I tell people that I’m allergic to corn and have problems with sulfites and other distilling ingredients, (which is true). If asked if I want another one I say nah, I’d like to but I’d end up paying for it with a headache (sigh). You don’t need an excuse not to drink but it helps to bow out gracefully.

49

I agree. Another line might be to say you’ve put on a couple of pounds and are concerned about the calories.

IMO it is rarely a good idea and there are few good situations in which to suggest/admit you drink too much.

50

I’m trying to decide if this is real or not. Given th SDMB, you did know what the answers would be, right?
I think you are OK. Count me in as the “me, too”. Life is not about quality along the way, it’s about the day by dy. Come on, dude, let’s party…
ETA: I need help right now.

51

Real? What part of my fairly pedestrian description of a single, middle aged man’s attempt to get feedback about controlling his after hours social drinking on Friday night did you think was over the top? Was it the unicorns?

Beyond this, the relative anonymity of the message board is precisely why I would ask the question here. This is a fairly personal issue and not something I would want to broach with my work peers.

52

2 drinks or less per day? That’s not a regime of moderation.

53

You may disagree with them, but Moderation Managementsays:

Like a lot of things, their method isn’t for everyone (I personally quit altogether, for health/weight reasons). However, there is a lot of good information on their website, as well as links to other things such as an evaluation of one’s drinking habits.

54

astro you probably don’t know me at all, but right now I’m really hyper-sensitive on the subject of alcoholism. I watch how much I drink, how much other people drink, have changed my alcohol preference to make it more difficult for me to drink in quantity, make (silent) judgments about the drinking behavior of others, etc.

But I also think that social connections are incredibly important. If the choice was hanging out with a bunch of guys who are becoming friends or staying at home alone with a lean cuisine and alcohol was not in the picture, it would be blazingly clear what choice to make.

I’d like to tell a little story here, about my cousin Jerry. He’s actually my Mom’s cousin, but that doesn’t really matter. Jerry is a really good guy, and smart. He’s a journalist, and has taught journalism at a very respectable University. He’s now a Professor Emeritus. He’s also an Alcoholic. We have a number of alcoholics in my family (though that’s not the reason for my current sensitivity). Jerry has had times where has has been a very, very heavy drinker. It’s been embarrassing. Once, at my Grandparent’s anniversary party, their housekeeper, who was also an alcoholic but had stopped drinking a long time before, took him aside and read him the riot act. Right there in the kitchen.

Jerry has stopped drinking and then started, and then stopped again. When he retired, he started again. We worried a lot. He got quite ill, and his doctor really got through to him about the drinking, and he really has stopped. Some of the medications he takes (I don’t know what for) give him a tremor, so he walks with a walker now. He talked with his doctor and he is allowed one glass of red wine a day ‘for his heart’.

He has a place he goes, every day. It’s the place he has always gone, when he drank heavily and when he drank not so heavily. I guess he didn’t go when he didn’t drink, but that’s been quite a while. They know about the one glass of wine. He jokes that he’s the only person that goes in to a bar shakier than he comes out of it. I think that’s hilarious.

The people there know him and care about him. They have been his friends for years. They have the phone number of his apartment. They have emergency contact numbers for him. If something happens to him, they will probably be the first ones to know. These people at a bar. And it’s not really sad, because they are his friends.
Now, I don’t want to draw a direct correlation between his situation and yours. He never married, he doesn’t have kids, etc. But he has a very important social network.

So the question from my point of view is whether or not it’s possible for you to be at the bar, develop a kind of informal social network, and not let a worrisome alcohol situation turn in to a problem.

Can you get a pint of water when you get a pint of beer? That’s been a trick of mine in the past. If you drink as much water as beer, you can’t drink as much beer and you will be less hungover since you are hydrating yourself as you go. I also had a theory about your BAC not going up as much because you have expanded your overall blood volume with as much water as alcohol, but that could be bosh.

Anyway, I guess my point is that having a social outlet is important. But you need to decide on a strategy for the binging. If you decide that you can’t control it then you won’t be able to. If you try and you really can’t control it, find another Friday activity.

Best wishes, and sorry to go on so much.

55

My recollection was that MM recommended something like not drinking more than 2 days in a row.

But I agree, someone who has 2 drinks a day does not necessarily have a drinking problem.

Put it this way - 2 glasses of wine with dinner.

I think red flags would be raised, however, if the individual were unable to or would be very upset at the prospect of going a day without their 2 drinks.

Whether it would be habit or dependence is another question.

56

Absolutely. I remember a relative of mine telling me a story about when they went on a trip overseas - the whole thing was ruined by a desire to have their fix all planned out, for each and every day. “Where am I going to get my drink tonight ?!”.

Some people can manage it, some people can’t. It’s better for me (and my waistline!) to just tell myself that ‘we don’t drink beer anymore’. My self shrugs her shoulders and goes on about her business; I don’t have to worry about counting drinks.

“How many drinks is too many?” depends upon so many things - your gender, age, weight, metabolism - everyone has to figure out what works for them. Yanno?

57

Sorry if I didn’t explain that very well. The point is that it’s a test, not a regime. Also, a quick and easy test which gives some info, but no definite answers.

58

I’m not looking to turn this into GD as the tone has been extremely supportive. But I looked all over the web for info on average age of onset and kept coming up with numbers in the early 20s. Doesn’t leave much room for later life onset. Even post # 42 cites “a man who drank way too much in his twenties.” If you have any cites about frequency of onset after age 50 I’d be interested - and won’t argue with whatever you cite.

Second point…I agree… as I said, it’s just a test. I’m sure there are many other types of info that can add to it. This one stuck in my mind because it can be done w/o professional involvement. Also, IIRC, the point is not so much whether or not you can do it. It’s more about how much you resist the idea. Apparently the non-alcoholic , when offered the challenge, says no problem and doesn’t even notice when the 30 days are over. The alcoholic starts arguing from the beginning.

Third point: I agree 100%. I thought that was clear in my choice of words, but if not, my apologies.

59

Knowing the SDMB, probably lame.
I enjoy drinking a healthy amount as much as the next guy. A big part of socializing in NYC often involves going to bars and getting drunk.

I know where the OP is coming from. My last company was practically run like a frat house. The only “management tool” they seemed to have was “happy hour”. And of course there was always the round of shots, bottle service at some club or whatever all purchased on some directors tab. There was plenty of wednesday and thursday mornings where half the group showed up late, or hungover or “worked from home”. Shit, vendors would invite a couple of managers out for an open bar happy hour and we’d show up with like 40 people and ring up a $2000 dollar tab or more as if we were crashing some high school party.

Now it was fun and all too a point. But eventually I felt like a) I’m too damn old for this bullshit b) getting drunk in front of the boss can lead to trouble and c) no good can come from working for a company where everyone drinks so much.

Now as for what makes an “alchoholic” I don’t think you can simply say it’s dependent on your willingness to not drink for x days. It’s about lifestyle. It’s hard to not drink when your primary form of socialization is meeting some friends out for a beer at the local pub. You become the weird guy not drinking and not having a good time. On the other hand, someone with a drinking problem is probably more likely to seek out friends and activities that involve drinking.

I think the best answer if you like drinking but want to take it easy during work functions:

a) drink slow
b) drink rum and cokes or clear mixed drinks and alternate with actual Coke or water.
c) make sure you eat first
d) avoid shots (I’ll sometimes just spit a shot back into my beer like I’m drinking a chaser and then toss the beer)
e) show up late
I drove into the city for a happy hour and because I drove, I didn’t drink. It was pretty funny watching one of my moron coworkers nearly take out a plasma screen TV with a footbal he got from who knows where. It worked out for me since I got stopped at a DUI checkpoint going into the Lincoln Tunnel.

60

Right. And astro- if you think you have a drinking problem, just have “no booze weeks” once a month. Can you go without booze for a week and have no cravings?