I agree with the Op.
I used to have a boss that would start sentences with “To be perfectly honest…” followed by a big fat lie. I mean the client didn’t have any way to know it was a lie but everyone here did. His credibility within the office was not enhanced.
(My bolding) Just to pick a nit, when I was in the roaring alcoholic phase of my life, almost everything that came out of my mouth was a lie. Hell, as one person put it, I’d lie even when I didn’t have to. But I knew it.
I know what you mean, though.
The weird thing is that the reverse would work better. If somebody said, “I’m usually a pathological liar but I’m telling the truth when I say I didn’t sleep with your sister” it would actually sound more credible.
Let me be perfectly frank with you. I’m a very honest person. Other people lie like a rug when they think they can get away with it, or sugar-coat things and tell you what you want to hear. I’m not like that. I never was like that.
So you can trust me when I tell you, straight from the heart, that yes, people who brag about their honesty are in fact honest. This is a fact. I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.
Do you fell reassured?
What kind of stupid question is that in the first place ? That’s as bad as asking the waiter if today’s special is any good.
“Yup. Cheated on all of 'em actually. Broke their little hearts in a million pieces, I did. Ha ! What a laugh ! So, wanna catch a movie ?”
“No sir. As a matter of fact, it’s bloody atrocious. The meat’s three weeks old. The cabbage is chock full of listeria. Also, the chef spits in the soup, and he’s got pneumonia. May I take your order ?”
This is the same type of thing as people who start sentences with “I don’t mean to be X, but…” Almost always this is followed by X.
Right, but for some reason, I don’t really think that people who are liars (or people who know that they lie a lot) think of themselves as dishonest people. ‘Liar’ implies a short-term, perhaps superficial characteristic confined to certain events, while ‘dishonest’ would suggest a deep-rooted, almost irredeemable corruption. I really doubt anyone thinks of themselves as being deeply corrupt. If my extensive readings in psychology are to be believed, it is exceedingly rare for anyone to believe the worst things about themselves are not somehow justified by external events.
Kind of like the cartoon villains who laugh maniacally because they’re evil for its own sake and revel in it? That’s an interesting concept that might be worth its own thread. When I was in the the alcoholic stage I mentioned, it was vitally important to me that people not know what I was really like, hence the lying, which in turn made me feel like a “bad” person, which in turn “made” me drink, ad infinitum. A truly viciously pathological circle of my own devising.
I can’t remember the exact quote, or where it’s from, or apparently anything about it except that I like it, “The more he spoke of his honesty, the faster we counted the silver.”
Seconded. Strongly seconded. One day at work, listening to a conversation between co-workers (It was about what you would do if you found a wallet with money in it), I suddenly discovered that and also that people widely differed in their perceptions to the point of practically living in different worlds. That was a major revelation for me.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t have disclosed that information. It would have helped us figuring out which posters are honest and which ones aren’t 
.
It’s from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “The louder he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.”
Apropos.
Thank you, my people. Her boyfriend IS an alcoholic, imo.
I think that put it very well.“The more he spoke pf his honesty, the faster we counted the silver”. Excellent quote.
It’s similar to, “If you have to tell someone that you’re cool, you aren’t.”
I think I got this from Miss Manners, but it’s something I’ve mentally cross-stitched into my brain:
“People who tell you they’re brutally honest are usually more interested in being brutal than honest.”
It’s paraphrased, but it’s so true.
Robin
If you’re interested in that topic, you might want to check out this book called “Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me).” Truly fascinating and highly recommended.
There’s a note in your employee file somewhere “Do not trust with briefcases containing $10M”.
@ the OP: The guilty conscious always speaks. Whatever a person’s true virtues are will shine through without them having to tell people what they are.
Interesting sidenote: one thing that body language experts will say is that when someone is lying or is otherwise uncomfortable with what they are saying, they will touch their face. If they believe what they are saying, one hand may instinctively touch their chest.
Another one that touches on the issue of the perception gap between the perpetrators of bad things (who, indeed, often feel that their deeds and behaviors were justified) and the victims of bad things is Evil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty by Roy Baumeister.
I discovered the same rule when I was a young teenager. People who often claim they have [vitrue x] really don’t seem to have [virtue x]. What I put it down to was, that some time(s) in their life they have been accused of lacking [virtue x], which was a bit of a slap in the face to them, and they have since mentally convinced themselves that they were falsely accused. They reinforce the belief in their own minds by repitittion and by telling everyone about it.
This is awesome.
Like this, I agree with everyone else that “brutal honesty” has indeed more to do with brutality than honesty. And from my personal experience, the one person I know that trumpets their Truthfulness (note the capital T) more than anything else, is my mother. By far, her truthfulness for herself is apt to a subjectiveness only she permits (yet refuses to acknowledge whenever somoene else points it out) and extended to others in a much more stringent form than she enjoys.
So it’s okay for her to intone, “I NEVER lie!” with her own internal wink and nudge, all the while lamenting that “Anyone who lies is capable of anything!!@1” Yup. I lied and said I really couldn’t come see you right now so instead, I’m going to go commit murder. Maybe next week then? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: