Buwhahaha!!!
Oddly it just occured to me, it took my wife pointing it out to me a few minutes ago. I’ve become friends with the Pastor of the church across the street from my house, I’m also friends with the Pastor next door. Anyway since I watch the church for him, I have the keys and the alarm code. It never occured to me to feel odd about it till Naomi said something, actually I still don’t feel odd.
People who know my extremist atheist tendencies have been surprised to find liturgical books on my shelves before, including a missal. I’ve given up explaining.
I would be tempted to recreate that scene from Risky Business… 
sigh
Okay, as a former altar boy I give you permission to have one, and only one, naked shrieking sprint down the center aisle.
Just don’t touch the Tabernacle.
Boombox playing War by Edwin Starr is, of course, optional.
Oooh ooh, rearrange the furniture.
Face all the seats towards the door, so that anyone who tries to sneak into the church late gets the shock of their life when they see an audience watching them.
Then stand at the altar and make declarations like “And the Lord said, Thou shalt not wasteth the food which hath only been fallen for 5 seconds!”
I’ve so wanted to do this, except the Pastor and I have had many talks, about religion, politics and whatnot. I’ve even promised nebulously to one day attend a service at some future date without commitment. Something tells me, he’d be tipped off as to the culprit.
Know the ways of thine enemies?
Add a few, discreet touches in odd positions, fresh from a charity shop/garage sale:
[ul]
[li]A statue of Buddha[/li][li]A statue of Kali[/li][li]A poster of the Beatles[/li][/ul]
Now that is an idea. I just need a church… 
May I suggest you open the First Church of Og. Change the locks and the alarm code, buy some cushions, maybe a few beanbags. Have two giant tablets made to hold the 10 Ogmandments, like:
Thou shalt preview before ye post.
Og smash!
Og! Og Smite! Og! Og! Og! Og bring pie! Og burning your dog! All your base are belong to Og! Og! Og! Og!
You think this pastor is stupid? Stuffy may well have the keys to the church, but you can sure bet the pastor has kept the keys to the little cabinet that contains the moveable type for the billboard outside!
I fail to see the big deal. I have two churchkeys. I keep them in a drawer and use them to open beer.
whisper-whisper
Oh, an actual key to an actual church. Cool.
As well as the keys to the cabinet which holds the good liquor.
So why should we assume that since you are an athiest, you are automatically antisocial? Apparently the pastor figures you’re a pretty nice guy. Why does everyone automatically figure an athiest would want to go desecrate a church? I’m Christian, but you don’t see me peeing on a…athiest house of…ok, so you guys don’t have lodges or anything, but you get the picture.
Oy, I’ve probably got four or five bibles around. Of course, I don’t get bent out of shape when one of them gets stored on the floor in front of my bookcase for three years (so far).
–Cliffy
That’s just it, the Pastor and I get on great, we talk on the phone 2-3 times a week, he even lets me keep my Mercedes in the church parking lot. He knows I’m a good guy, I’ve known the church secetary for more than 20 years. If I were still a believer I’d surely attend their church, they do great things for the neighborhood, including giving every kids in the area free school supplies. Early this past summer, when we first moved back after the fire damage was fixed, they gave us all the makings for our first dinner back. It’s my wife that thinks it’s odd. What prompted the OP was my wife asking “don’t you feel weird going over there” until then I hadn’t even given it serious thought. Probably it’s because I spent so much of my early life in church, it doesn’t have any mystical significance to me.
Oh the ‘turning around of pews’ thing was hilarious. Genius too!
And not that I’d condone this of course, but didn’t Footloose have some sort of suggestion about Playboy centerfolds and distribution among hymnals? I seem to recall it does. 
There was something else that I don’t remember that was also pretty good (it came from Chris Penn though). Anyone else know?