"I'm bored, we're in a rut" need advice for my boss

In My Humble Opinion
1

Yesterday my 28-year old female boss spent 30 minutes on the phone with her fiance, and then shared with us that he had declared that their relationship was getting boring, they were acting like an old married couple already, they were in a rut and he said it was up to her to fix things. He gave her no clues as to what he would prefer to be doing. He somehow phrased it that since it wasn’t him, but a relationship problem, he was going to (generously) allow her to be in total control of fixing the problem.

We (both divorced, 32 and 48 year old women) told her that was a load of crap and that he was just trying to place the responsibility and blame elsewhere so that he could excuse future misbehavior on his part. (Yes, both of us have been cheated on by our husbands…how did you guess?) This couple lives together, just got engaged, haven’t even bought the ring yet, just got a joint credit card, have very energetic sex every night (we get to hear about it…lucky us) work full-time jobs, have “date night” at least once a week, and he regularly leaves her squishy voicemails and sends mushy cards and notes.

We advised that they have a long talk and that he ante up some suggestions about what he feels is missing that would make him less bored…not place the responsibility on her to guess. We suggested taking a class or doing volunteer work together, or that he develop a hobby that will keep his mind and hands occupied when she’s not within grabbing distance…woodworking, gardening, painting, reading, something! But we both suspect he’s getting cold feet and a wandering eye, and we are worried…he’s been encouraging her to dress a little sluttier for him, and she’s already pushing the limits of spandex in the workplace.

So do you think this is codespeak for “I want to date other people”? What could we suggest to her? Is this the beginning of many years of him placing the blame on her for everything? Should she get out now? Can a “bored” man be cured?

2

I think you are correct he is looking for a way out. She should “liven things up” by just doing whatever she feels like. She should go out and do things that she wants to do and invite him along…if he doesn’t want to go, she should just go by herself.

3

Spandex in the workplace? :eek: Unless you work in a gym or on cycling team, spandex has no place in the office. How the hell does one push limits of spandex anyway? Wear it two sized too small?

How old is the guy?

Yeah, he’s bored. He may or may not already be “dating” other people. If she assumes the blame/responsibility for his boredom then this will become the pattern for the rest of their relationship. A bored man can be cured but she may not be the cure. Time apart would be good but it’s tough to achieve when you’re living together. Still, they both need to examine their options and really be honest about whether they are right for one another of if they rushed into things because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

4

Let’s just say that she has a collection of tops that are her “boobie shirts” and they barely contain her assets, plus she favors very tight pants (spandex is in everything these days). I didn’t realize that a few years ago she got written up for her provocative clothing, and her former boss was in visiting one day and we were joking about increasing sales by having her wear one of her boobie shirts. I was quickly informed that she’d better not be wearing those things again since they got her in trouble before. Sigh. I see more cleavage and back tattoos than I really care to experience. I want to work for grown-ups!

5

Tell her to just yell at him and beat him up a bit. He’s just complaining–but indeed you can’t let that continue for too long or he’ll start believing it.

6

Sounds to me like she likes the drama. Just smile polite like and change the subject. As you rightly suspect, she needs to grow up.

7

Sounds like he’s getting ready to hit the road but wants it to be “her fault” so he won’t have to have a guilty conscience about doing what he was going to do anyway. She’s a little old to fall for those games. And much too old to be dressing like a tramp at work - she needs to save the “slutty” look for him. And discussing her sex life at work isn’t very professional either.

8

Sounds like they’ve got into a routine, and there’s a lack of spontaneity. Why don’t you suggest she ‘kidnap’ him for a long weekend somewhere interesting?

9

Wanna bet he’s waiting for her to suggest a threesome?

10

Am I the only one who thinks you should run screaming (silently, at least till you’re out the door) from any situation in which you’re encouraged to give relationship advice to your boss?

11

Nope.

12

Say “Honey I have a very sexy idea, but you’re going to have to trust me.”

“We’re going to take a short flight to a magical destination, but to keep the destination a mystery, I am going to blindfold you and have you wear these headphones playing sexy music to add to the mystery and romance of the experience.”

“You can sip champaign and listen to music while we travel.”

Once you are on the plane, whisper to him:“The first part of your surprise is that this is a love charter, the flight is rigged with special harnesses so that we can make love like we are in outer space, so stand up and get into this harness like a good boy.”

One you have his parachute on, move him to the door of the plane, fasten his auto-open cord handle to the release cord on the place then give him a big kiss.

Then say, “Before we start, I want to put on your helmet Mr. Spaceman.”

Once he is ready to go, open the door, pull off his headset and blindfold and say,
“Here’s that excitement you were looking for! Meet you on the ground with some more champaign!” then kick him out the door.

That get his level of excitement up for a good long time…

You may even want to meet him on the ground, could be exciting!

Of course this is just a joke.
No one would ever really do that. Would they?
It would be so wrong.
But you could print this message and have her leave it around the house with a few skydiving club brochures… Grin
Peter, The Peter Files Blog
<href=“http://thepeterfiles.blogspot.com”>A Blog of Comedy and Satire</a>

During the chartered flight, we are going to make love in a special love harness to simulate weighlessness, so don’t resist when I put it on you.

13

Say “Honey I have a very sexy idea, but you’re going to have to trust me.”

“We’re going to take a short flight to a magical destination, but to keep the destination a mystery, I am going to blindfold you and have you wear these headphones playing sexy music to add to the mystery and romance of the experience.”

“You can sip champaign and listen to music while we travel.”

Once you are on the plane, whisper to him:“The first part of your surprise is that this is a love charter, the flight is rigged with special harnesses so that we can make love like we are in outer space, so stand up and get into this harness like a good boy.”

One you have his parachute on, move him to the door of the plane, fasten his auto-open cord handle to the release cord on the place then give him a big kiss.

Then say, “Before we start, I want to put on your helmet Mr. Spaceman.”

Once he is ready to go, open the door, pull off his headset and blindfold and say,
“Here’s that excitement you were looking for! Meet you on the ground with some more champaign!” then kick him out the door.

That get his level of excitement up for a good long time…

You may even want to meet him on the ground, could be exciting!

Of course this is just a joke.
No one would ever really do that. Would they?
It would be so wrong.
But you could print this message and have her leave it around the house with a few skydiving club brochures… Grin
Peter, The Peter Files Blog
A Blog of Comedy and Satire

14

Allow me to translate:

“…their relationship was getting boring”
I am bored with having the same sex with the same woman all the time

“they were acting like an old married couple already”
We are not having sex (or it’s bad boring sex which is the same thing)

“they were in a rut”
Basically their relationship has fallen into a routine. Dinner, movie, same old sex.

" and he said it was up to her to fix things. He gave her no clues as to what he would prefer to be doing. "
Could be he wants her to lose weight or get a boob job. Could be he just wants blowjobs or some other act she normall doesn’t perform.
See here’s the problem with relationships. After awhile, we guys start wondering what sex would be like with all the other good looking girls we see out there. That’s pretty much why guys cheat.

15

Allow me to third (fourth?) that your boss is so inappropriate for work, in so many ways. And if he’s bored, tell her to dump him - that oughta shake things up a bit.