I have been desperately in love with my boss for over a year and this morning I told him that I have Very Strong feelings for him. :smack:
I now feel a prize pilchard as he looked at me quizzically said thanks, asked if I was okay, when I assented that I was, checked again and then mock casually said he’d see me at 10.00 for the team meeting.
In my defence for this lunacy, he had just been confiding in me his struggle to break up with his live in girlfriend. This, plus lots of rather cryptic comments to me led me to rashly believe he might actually return my feelings. Guess not
I have now pitched myself headlong into a vortex of embarressment. Anyone have any kind words of advice?
Well, one thing you can do is pat yourself on the back for having the moxie to actually SAY something to him about it. And he was your boss which made it THAT much harder no doubt.
Hang around on these boards long enough and you’ll see thread after thread about: “I like so-n-so but I don’t know if so-n-so likes me. What should I do?” It’s like “DUH!” Unless you’re a mind reader you’re going to have to actually ASK the person in question.
It’s refreshing to see the flip side of this.
As far as the embarassment part goes? Eh, just laugh it off. That’s all you can do really. It’s certainly nothing worth kicking yourself in the ass over.
Lastly, if it’s any consolation, guys/gals just getting out of a previous relationship are almost never worth getting into an other relationship with. In other words, stay away from people on the rebound. (romanticaly that is)
You’ve done your bit just forget about it for a while. Don’t be surprised in a while if it turns out that you did interpret his actions correctly and he is just slow to take action.
If you hang around here you will find that many males are clueless dolts who basically need a script because they fail to act on even the most obvious come-ons.
If I were your boss, even if I had no interest in you I would look fondly on your revelation so don’t feel embarassed.
Beware of Cryptic Comments–they are the path to Hell and Sleepless, Tortured Nights of Immense Oog.
So, two bits of advice:
Usually cryptic comments are “cryptic” because you’re assuming more was meant by it than was. If he says, “I like dogs, and girls with dogs” and you have a dog and his girlfriend doesn’t–most likely he’s thinking about dogs and girls with dogs; not you.
Coming out of the bag on your boss–for as non-recommended as it may be–still doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. Frowned upon, certainly, but still potentially a path to a perfectly nice future. So having said things that he might later go “Oh wait… :eek: !” and realise what you were saying–it might be best to just get the whole, "Yes I have a crush, and yes I can force that back into my tummy and disolve it in gastric acids. But if you ever kick out your GF and are lookin, don’t forget " out of the way, so you can get the gastric acids flowing. This will cure Cryptic Comments-itis fairly fast–as you’ve put the ball in his court.
P.S. Sorry QuickSilver, reading that back, my reply looks more sarcastic than I meant it to be. I realise you weren’t saying I was silly for getting my hopes up, but making a more general point. One I agree with.
To be fair, women can be clueless dolts too. Friends will often poke me to say “He just checked you out!” and I’ll have no idea who they’re talking about. Unless there’s a whistle or a shameless direct boob-ogle, I’m probably going to miss it.
But maybe that’s because I’m smitten already and don’t notice any man except mine.
My ex and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months. I had absolutely no clue how crazy she was about me until I came home from work one day to find she’d moved her stuff in.
Promethea, even if he’s not clueless and realised exactly what you were saying, it’s possible that he took the easy way out of responding like he didn’t get it so that he (and you) could avoid any possible complications of the situation.
Sexual Harrasment (and the accompanying lawsuits) could have him spooked at the thought of being involved with someone at work. Rather than opening up a potential can of worms, he turned a blind eye to your admission. He also could have done the same thing if he’s just not interested in you ‘that way’.
I know someone (female) who had a gay male boss (he was out about it) .After working together for several years, she thought he was interested in her and she was very interested in him. (she thought perhaps he was bi) She finally approached him about it, only to learn that he was just friends with her and not interested beyond that. It made some akward momements in the office after that, but he was cool about it and they continued working together for several years after that, still as good friends.
For some reason I keep thinking of what the Cowboy once said, ‘Why is was as surprised as you were.’ I think he handled it well.
He most probably is consulting with a Sexual Harassment manual, or he may be checking the old Heart Housing Group to see if he has feeling for you in there.
This just makes it all the more dificult for (heterosexual) men. It’s bad enough that we are expected to “make the first move.”
OTOH, I’ve experienced the opposite. Maybe OP’s experience was a fear of possible sexual harrassment. I don’t think I would become intimate with someone I worked with/for, for fear of sexual harrassment charges. But outside of the work environment, I’ve been oblivious of another’s affection, despite seemingly clear indications. It’s the sad song of two people with lack of self-esteem who nevertheless like each other.
Bolding mine. Yes, a Band Name!TM, but also, I must ask:
Should men more shamelessly and directly boob-ogle in order to let women know they’re intrested? I pretty shamelessly boob-ogle my wife, but I think that’s part of the deal, right?
Awww, try not to feel bad about it. I think it’s better to know for sure where you stand than to always have that “what if?”.
If you don’t mind my asking (feel free to disregard if you dont want to rehash it!) what are some of the other comments he made that led you to conclude he was interested?
Even if this isn’t the right time for him to act on it, that doesn’t rule out the possibility that he is interested on some level.
Good for you. I mean, about the fessing up part - I firmly believe that you never regret telling someone how you feel about them. Even if you get shot down. And I’m really sorry that you might have. But brava, anyway - you gots guts, kid. Good on ya. Outstanding being so brave - you did it! Sorry it didn’t turn out so good, but I’m still proud of you.
Now. Copious amounts of whatever foods you like best, a good book, a warm blanket on your favorite, and some movies are definitely in order. Dose yourself with these and forget about the embarassment.
" out of the way, so you can get the gastric acids flowing. This will cure Cryptic Comments-itis fairly fast–as you’ve put the ball in his court.