My boss tends to speak before he thinks. There’s no maliciousness in it most of the time, but every now and then he’ll out with something that’s so completely inappropriate that it’s amazing. I don’t offend easily, and in fact wasn’t particularly offended by what he said yesterday, but all the same… it’s been bothering me.
I (a female) was leading a meeting to brainstorm what to brand a particular project as it rolls out. It’s a big deal. The only two people with me in the meeting were my boss and another man who is the head of the project. We were joking around about how, no matter what we name the thing, it will be reduced to its initials anyway.
And my boss says, “We should call it Project Management System, because then we could call it PMS! Ha ha! Of course, if we did that, it would only work three weeks out of the month.”
Ha. Ha. The other guy in the meeting turned red and didn’t say anything for several minutes. I carried on after rolling my eyes.
Again, I don’t think he meant anything malicious, but it was embarrassing to me, clearly embarrassing to the other guy, and this is far from the first time that my boss has said something inappropriate in a meeting. It reflects badly on him and on our team, and I am getting tired of it.
HR might be a good secondary step, but if it were me, I’d start by engaging your boss’s boss. Explain to him/her the observations you’ve made, and let this person give your boss the gentle reminder.
Also, ask that your conversation regarding your boss be kept confidential. The last thing you want is for boss’s boss to drop your name into the corrective conversation.
If all else fails, you can consider HR, but I wouldn’t make it my first stop, if you genuinely like your boss.
I disagree. Go directly to your boss and tell him that you feel that comments such as that are demeaning and unprofessional; that while you respect him as a professional, such comments are not appropriate in a business setting.
If you’re not willing to do that, then you’re going to have to live with it until it DOES become a problem. Your failure to respond to the comments when they occur implies a tacit approval.
Going to his boss is a poor solution, IMO. His boss is going to ask you if you’ve spoken to the guy. He’s going to probably (and correctly) presume that this may develop into an EEO or harassment case, and will react by coming down hard on your boss. Result: difficult work environment for you both.
Okay, first the disclaimer–I haven’t been in HR for about five years so I’m a little rusty here. If you feel truly uncomfortable working with him, then you really do need to report it. It sounds to me like you’re really bothered, or at least enough so that you felt compelled to post about it. If you have a good enough relationship, you might even want to talk to your boss directly. It doesn’t have to turn into a huge overblown issue but it’s in his best interest to refrain from those kinds of comments. If you can’t talk to your boss directly for whatever reason, you certainly have the option of addressing your HR department. I can’t speak for every HR department in the world, but the few times I had to deal with issues like that, I kept the name of the person who brought the grievance confidential. Hope this helps. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
A lot depends on the relationship between you and the offending boss, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend going to HR, unless your company is very, very different from any company I’ve ever had anything to do with.
HR is not your friend. They’re not there to help you. They’re there to protect the company (and its management) from lawsuits. Which has nothing whatsoever to do with the rights and wrongs of the situation.
You’ll be marked as a malcontent, as someone who “can’t take a joke.” Your conversation with HR will not be kept confidential (oh, it will on paper – there will never be anything that might be subject to discover in a lawsuit, but otherwise, no).
HR, again, is not your pal, and they’re not there to help you. Always bear that in mind.
Holy crap. Talk about conflicting advice. Having never been in either position, (reporting or being reported on) I can’t offer much but I will say this: document, document, document. Make sure you have a written record. That way no matter what you decide it will have more weight.
My take on this is not that the OP is all that offended, but that she thinks it reflects poorly on her boss, and therefore by extention, her. Like, someone else might be offended, and think “that project team over there is a bunch of insensitive assholes”.
I wouldn’t start with HR. It will probably be hard, but I think the right thing to do is to confront him. Make it clear that you personally aren’t feeling harrassed (unless you are) but that it just doesn’t seem like the professional kind of thing to say.
Now that I’ve said this, I should add that I am never one to confront. In fact, I’m the kind to rant about it in LJ or here. So I certainly wouldn’t want to take my own advice. However, I wouldn’t bother with HR, either. I’d save that up for an instance where I was EXTREMELY personally offended.
" Hey there Bob, don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes I feel your humour crosses a line, and I get embarassed. I think I would find it easier to do my job if there were less of those kind of jokes."
Keep it polite, professional, make it about you, not him, and it’s likely to go over much better.
Ditto. Come on. If he asked to see you tits or handed out Chick Tracts or exposed himself, yeah. But a dumb joke? You’re gonna have to deal with a lot worse than that in your worklife. Pick and choose your battles, this ain’t one of them.
Different work environments, different solutions. I am personally very comfortable with my boss’s boss, because she has a very well-established open-door policy. Your mileage may vary.
One man’s “poor solution” is another man’s good solution. I based my answer on my current situation, which perhaps wasn’t the right answer, but it’s certainly not wrong simply because you say so.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Next time I have a moment alone with my boss (difficult here in Cube Land, and I don’t wat to schedule a conference room just to scold him!), I will approach it much as irishgirl has suggested. He and I have an OK relationship, so although it won’t be fun, it sounds like the best course to go. And man oh man, do I NOT want to be labeled a malcontent by HR. The layoffs around here have been staggering.
And just to reiterate, I was not offended by the joke, but I am bothered at how incredibly unprofessional my boss often is, especially when we’re working with people I consider my clients. I believe that someone needs to talk to him about toning it down, and I wasn’t sure if it was more appropriate for that person to be me, or a quasi-neutral party like HR.
Just curious, did you take this as a jab at all women or just a slam at women who (he thinks) use PMS as an excuse to get out of work? Or is it that it makes light of those who actually suffer physically-debilitating PMS?
… but I see by your more recent post it’s an issue of professionalism - and you’re right, PMS jokes generally aren’t professional (though ironically, PMS jokes make up a disproportionate percentage of professional comedy).
Sometimes “brainstorming sessions” are a little too unstructured for the goofballs.
I think it is poor taste but I wouldn’t get that worked up about it. If you feel the need to do something, then just mention it to him casually. For me personally, I get pissed off when people overdo the “professional” persona and deal with every issue in a formal meeting with an agenda and speak like robots. It makes everyone uncomfortable and doesn’t address the issue nearly as well as a quick impromptu chat whenever the opportunity arises. When I was manager, I just had those working under me just tell me anything that they thought about the stuff we were working on or me personally. They did and it worked out great for everyone. I probably said some things that might be considered offensive but if one of them had ever gone to HR, it would have created a very difficult working environment for all involved.
Again, it depends on your relationship with your boss. Here’s how I handled a somewhat similar situation with a former co-worker.
Steve, the other day you said <insert inappropriate comment here>. I know you just meant it as a joke, but it would probably be a good idea to watch that sort of thing. Someone else might be embarrassed or offended, and I’d hate for all your good work to be tarnished by someone thinking ill of you.
So I certainly wouldn’t want to take my own advice. However, I wouldn’t bother with HR, either. I’d save that up for an instance where I was EXTREMELY personally offended.