Have you ever dated a person who was really nice but you just got bored with them? I’ve been with this guy for four years but I can tell the spark isn’t there anymore. At least it is for me, I still love him, and I guess he still loves me too. But he’s such a nice guy that he’d never tell me he was bored with me. If you were in my shoes what would you do?
It’s funny because you’d think that you’d feel worse if someone you loved started hating you, but it also feels pretty crappy when you can tell that being with you just isn’t exciting for them anymore.
So… should I drop him or just wait around for some pretty face to walk by?
I love him and I don’t want to loose him, but I do have a little bit of self respect left, y’know?
There’s a book for everything. Check Amazon for: “Too bad to stay, too good to leave”.
I think that’s pretty normal isn’t it? Relationships can’t be exciting forever, at some point it just comes down to ‘I’ve made a decision, I’ll stay with this one’. Maybe some people can convince themselves that they’re madly in love and their partner is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I suspect a lot of us just can’t do that and the best we can do is say ‘This one’s not too bad, and he/she seems to think the same about me’.
What I’m looking for, and I hope I’m not the only one, is someone I can share the mundane things in life with, someone who doesn’t require excitement all the time, someone who is happy to settle and make me feel as if they’re no longer looking for new and exciting but just want old and comfortable. Surely that’s the dream 
Anyway, talk to him, if you can’t talk about stuff like this, then what’s the point of being a couple anyway. Explain how you feel, see what he says, If he deals with your feelings in a good way then he’s a good person and maybe you should hang on to him.
How do you know he’s tired of you? What’s the evidence?
From what you’ve posted here. I get the impression that you are tired of him, and would like to leave, but don’t want to be the bad guy.
If you want to leave, that’s fine. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But I think it’s healthier to be honest with oneself, if that’s the case.
Leaving because you are bored of someone - that’s at least partially your fault, IMO. Have you addressed it with him? Have you tried to spice up your life at all? Four years - well, that “spark” doesn’t last. I’ve been in my relationship for fourteen years and you have to work at a relationship to make it bloom slowly and continuously. Absolutely we’ve had times where we’ve been bored, but bored is still fixable.
Speak for yourself, buddy. Every stage of my relationship with my husband has been exciting, from just getting started, to moving to a new city together, getting married, buying a house, and preparing for the birth of our first kid. In fact, I like him even better now than I did when we started dating.
I agree- it sounds to me like you are the one losing interest.
How old are you, and what is the trajectory of the relationship?
Basically, are you planning to get married/have kids/bump it up a notch? Is that what you aspire to? If so, are you on a clear track?
Personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea to invest in a long-term relationship that doesn’t have a clear idea of where it is going. Four years is a long time to drift on a hazy unclear path towards an unknown destination. At some point, you need to be able to say “this is what we want, and this is how we are getting there.” Probably, that could have happened a couple of years ago.
If you haven’t really done that by now, then probably you aren’t really on track for anything besides “slowly drift apart, eventually break up.” If that is where it is going, you might as well do it now. Relationships for the sake of relationships are fine- I’m all for it. But if they’ve lost their zing and are going nowhere, why keep pouring time and energy into it?
A relationship is an investment in so many ways. A lot of ways are those you simply don’t see- relationships tend to make your world smaller, your circles smaller, and your view of the opportunities in this world a bit narrower. You give up a lot for the comfort of having someone by your side. You give up things you can’t even imagine.
This is worth it during those initial crazy-in-love moments, and it’s worth it if you are building a family or lifetime companionship. But it’s totally not worth it if all you get is a lot of those dull middle moments dragging out until the inevitable end.
I do everything in the world that I can to make sure that SWMBO doesn’t get tired of me. She loves the attention, so I don’t it’s gonna happen any time soon.