I dated a cutter for a bit. She had some problems for sure, but I tried to be supportive and helpful. Unfortunately, the time wasn’t right for her to deal with her issues, and eventually we went our separate ways.
One of my best freinds used to be a cutter. It was really bad… She wouldn’t let anyone touch her, and she’d cringe if you accidentily brished up against her.
Then, one day, something happened(Won’t go into details) and she went over the edge. She ended up cutting deep enough that you could see a vein. This had happened around 11, and she came to school at 11 30. I was the one that found her, crying, and I hapened to see that there was a trail of blood going down her hand. I tricked her into going to the hospital with me, and they patched her up and put her in the psych ward. She was there for almost 2 weeks… she had to stay there for Christmas. It was really bad. BUt, since she got out, she hasn’t cut herself since, and she lets people touch her and everything… even going as far as to reach out to us, too.
I think that the best thing to do is to get her to a counsellor… against her will if you have to. I know that makes me out as a bitch, but what happens if she goes overboard? Or do you have any freinds that are counsellers? Invite them over for supper, let them get to know your GF, and then talk her into seeing them proffesionally.
Former cutter here. Cutting is a sign of many things, though in my case it was major depression. I would recommend a therapist, and some antidepressants.
A lot of teenagers cut. A hell of a lot do. Probably about a quarter of the ones I know have tried it at one time or another. One mistake people make is that only girls do it. Nope. I’m living proof.
Best of luck to you.
Catalyst, an suicide attempt can be for attention. Think about it; if you die, you get lots and lots of attention. Unfortunately, you’re dead, so it’s not like you can enjoy it, but a lot of people don’t think that far ahead.
I cut. Once. I was going through a rough patch, and one of my friends who cuts suggested it. She said that it released the tension, made the depression go away…that it was a way to make pain real, tangible. . .and, therefore, manageable.
It didn’t work for me. First of all, I was too much of a wuss to make anything deeper than a mild-moderate cat scratch. Second of all, it didn’t help. Not one whit. Not only was I still down, but now my leg hurt AND I felt really, really stupid. Finally, since I scar easily, I still have the scars on my legs, even though they were barely deep enough to bleed and I didn’t pick them (at least, not enough to remember). Fortunately, since we have three cats, I’ve got enough other scars that I don’t really ever have to explain those, but a few people (my cool roommate, my fiance) know where they’re from.
I don’t think that cutting is always an inherently desctructive trait–there are some people who use that as a form of coping, who don’t or won’t get treatment, and, for them, taking away that outlet can be dangerous. By and large, though, it isn’t a good sign. Try to get her to seek counseling if you can. Otherwise, be there for her. Just be careful to look out for yourself, though.
Just out of curiosity, Catalyst, you sound like you don’t entirely trust your girlfriend. Has she ever done or said anything that might cause this? Is there any reason why she might not trust you, for that matter?
I want to second the recommendation for http://crystal.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
I also want to caution you against trying to stop her doing this yourself. When cutting goes underground it becomes more dangerous. If you cannot handle it it is better that you leave her than force or shame her into stopping. She won’t stop, she will find other ways to release the pain and that increases the problem. Encourage her to get help but understand that it is not your job to control this, only she can do that and it needs to be her choice once she has the skills and tools in place to deal with her life differently.
This happens for reasons as varied as individuals, drawing attention to it rarely helps although I know how hard ignoring it can be. Please, I have seen damage far greater than cutting done by people who felt unable to do that. Scars are just marks, there are far worse things that can happen in a life.
Thank you. This is the most compassionate way to deal with the situation. SI (self injury) does not make you a freak, and it is not contagious. It has been my experience that the person doing the cutting will reach out for help when he/she is ready and able to do so. Be supportive of the good things, ok?
That’s all well and good, but what if they never reach out for help?
If they are adults, then you really can’t force it on them and expect guaranteed good results. You can send them to the hospital and lock them up with other cutters, where they will compare stories and perhaps get new ideas on how to SI. Do you really consider that helpful? I don’t.
Support. Understanding. Educating yourself. Compassion. No judgement. Love. These are the things that helped me the most.
Well - the reason I put “grow out of it” in quotes was refering to the really long time the growing would take - you just don’t meet a lot of 55 year olds that cut themselves. 
Secondly, lots of folks with BPD attempt suicide. Tonnes. Odles. Overt gestures coming out the wazoo - however, they tend to be the overdose of asprin, as opposed to self-immolation type of attempts - crys for attention? Sure - but certainly suicide attempts.
Ringo - if you’ve ever seen Girl Interupted with Winona Ryder, her character is supposed to have BPD. You will get a much clearer picture if you read the book by the same name. It’s autobiographical, and particularly well done. It provides some valuable insight into the psyche of someone with the disorder. Also, the author is a “banger” (as opposed to a cutter) - more insight there.
You can’t stop her by being more loving, or more helpful, or more anything. If you get angry at her, she’ll only start hiding what she’s doing and become less willing to share how she’s feeling. But if you don’t do anything, she may think you don’t CARE, and that’s not good either.
You CAN do a couple things to keep her more safe, though. Insist that anything she uses be clean and sterile. Make sure that she gets medical attention for any cuts that look really bad, and any infections. But don’t let her forget that, though you won’t force it on her, you really do want her to STOP. If you’re lucky, she’ll open up to you about when and why she cuts, and you may be able to provide a little of the emotional support she needs cutting for at this point, and you’ll have some idea about what kind of help she’ll need to stop.
This isn’t going to be something that you can force her into - all you’ll be able to do, at best, will be to nudge her in the right direction and try to keep her from being too hurt while she’s getting there.
Actually Ringo Sad to say I was once a cutter myself and though many times the cuts aren’t intended to be life-threatening they can be. Just like any drug used over and over you become immune to the effects and need more, you begin to cut deeper when your original cuts don’t make you feel better it continues on unoticed even by the cutter themself manytimes until it gets to dangerous depthes…I realized this when mine got too dangerous and I almost accidentally commited suicide. I know this doesn’t make you feel bettercatalyst and I am sorry but being aware can help…my friends would yell at me about it, that didn’t help but my problem wasn’t self-esteem either. It was my way of taking my anger out on someone without hurting some innocent person. It’s like hitting a punching bag for me…only punching bags didn’t feel as good. It was my release…
I’m afraid you’re suspicion is probably correct. There most likely isn’t anything you can do. Cutting is about as deeply personal as you can get, and most cutters won’t let you even get close to that deep inside their heads, IME. My sister went through a cutting phase, when she was about 17 (?..it was a looooong time ago). Luckily, she wasn’t a real cutter, and stopped after a year or two.
I think the real issue, here, is whether you can deal with it, and whether you’re willing to. You’ve already gotten a ton of advice on cutters, most of it right from the source. But, what you really need is to decide how important this girl is to you, and how much anguish you’re willing to go through to be with her. Because, the odds are, she’s not going to stop any time soon, no matter what you do.
If you love her enough to be able to accept her, as she is, and you can handle the emotional turmoil, stick it out and try to get her some help. But, realize it doesn’t make you a bad person if you can’t handle it. No offence intended to any of the wonderful posters who are/were cutters, themselves, but cutting is one of the most bizarre, aberrant forms of behavior people can have.
Most people who aren’t cutters can’t even come close to understanding it. Hell, most therapists don’t really understand it, even after all their training. I lived through it, talked to my sister about it, read about it, and I don’t understand it. You just have to accept that it isn’t about you. It isn’t even about her actual circumstances. It’s about her perceptions of her circumstances, and there’s probably not a thing you can do to change her perceptions. It sounds harsh, but if she’s a real cutter, she’s going to cut, whether you’re there for her, or not. So, don’t let yourself feel trapped into staying, out of guilt. You have your own life, and that’s the only one you can really take responsibility for.
Davebear, thank you. That post probably made more sense to me than anything else in this thread.
Midiro: No, no real reason for mistrust; that was just a fear-based (I’ll be honest, this scares the Hell out of me) reaction, I think. Oh, and welcome to the board!
You’re welcome.
It’s probably because most of the posts were from people trying to explain it from the inside. (Which, by the way, is doing you an incredible favor, since most cutters don’t like to talk about it, at all. I guess the semi-anonymous nature of the board helps, but I still admire the courage it took to share their experiences. ) But, I thought an outside perspective might be useful, too. And, fear is the natural response to someone you care about being driven to do such horrible things to themselves. So, don’t beat yourself up about that, either.
Oh, and you get bonus points for remembering to welcome a new member in the midst of all this.