I’m curious to know what other people’s take on IM etiquette is. I tend to treat incoming IMs like phonecalls - sometimes I pick up, sometimes I don’t, depending on what I’m doing at the moment. I try to make use of my away message, but sometimes I forget. If I IM someone else and they don’t answer, it’s no big deal. If it’s important I’ll email them. But I’ve got some friends who will message me repeatedly if I don’t respond (right away or at all) and seem offended if I don’t devote a great deal of attention to the conversation. This strikes me as a bit rude. It got me to wondering, though, if maybe my sense of ‘IM etiquette’ is off.
I tend to leave my messenger client up most of the day, but I don’t feel that it’s necessarily an invitation to mindless chit-chat. I don’t always sign on just because I’m bored and have nothing to do - sometimes I’m trying to catch up with a particular person, and in the case of AIM I log on when I’m at a different computer so that I can see in real time when I get mail (through AOL webmail). When I’m logged on to AIM and I get mail my desktray icon flashes with a mailbox. Since I don’t actually run AOL on some computers I use the only other way to know would be to check the website and continually refresh my mailbox.
Anyways, am I out of line with my non-chalant IMing? I’m used to chatting mainly with friends who are online all day long also - the conversation goes in bits and pieces throughout the day, sometimes it will be minutes, or hours between responses. It’s a way to pass time while working, and doesn’t always follow a structured course of conversation like talking on the phone would. If someone logs off in the middle of a conversation (assuming it’s not incredibly serious) I just assume they had something else to attend to and am not offended.
How do you deal with IMs? Do you treat them more formally? Do you get upset when someone doesn’t respond?
The only thing I would change would be to make sure you put up your “away” or “idle” message.
I know what you mean though. I used to have this one friend that would get huffy if it took me longer than a nanosecond to respond.
I could see if we were having a private conversation about something important, but the situation was while we were all in a chatroom with several other (about 25) people, it’s really common to have as many as four very casual IMs going at once.
If I’m logged on to AIM and have my away message off, I put out the assumption that I’m available to chat. I equate it to sitting in the living room and someone knocking on the door and they can see you watching TV but you don’t answer. Yes, sometimes if you just want to chat with one person and that’s it, AIM/AOL is definitely limiting. Yahoo! messenger is much better for that type of situation with its invisible mode. Allowing you to be logged in, send and receive messages, and see who’s available but not showing up as available for everyone. I wish AIM/AOL would institute something like that.
If I’m not available for chat I don’t log in or I stick my away message on. If I’m just wanting to chat with one friend and get other people IMing me (on AOL/AIM) I’ll explain that I can’t chat right now but would like to later.
I do try and respond as quickly as possible especially since the medium is so limiting and it can be frustrating from time to time due to unrelated computer issues.
I understand that if IM a friend and they don’t respond that I’ll try one more time later because 1)they may not have received the IM, 2)are too busy 3)just didn’t see it. Asking over and over “Are you there?” or “Hello…? Hello…?” can be frustrating.
If I know someone is using their cellphone to IM (uff da to that) that extra patience needs to be given. Cellphones are hard to respond with and IMing while they’re typing (or I’m typing) may erase all of their message up to that point.
I always try to say goodbye, ttyl, ttfn et al before ending a conversation. Yeah, real life does take precedence but that shouldn’t mean that a modicum of politeness can’t be forwarded so a person knows that you’re no longer able(/willing) to chat.
I think one of the most important rules of IMing for me is to NEVER EVER EVER have a serious conversation via IM. Words can get misconstrued, feelings and signals misinterpreted, etc etc.
To be honest, I’ve never actually used either of these:
Dead AIM, I’ve heard good things about this.
Trillian, mixed reviews.
They are both AOL Instant Messenger clone type things. I think that you can talk on more networks than just that though (like icq and yahoo possibly).
Again, I’ve never used them.
I tend to leave my messenger open (I use Trillian, incidentally) whenever my computer is on, ie all the time. I used to have a perma-away message on just so I wouldn’t have to deal with stuff like this.
I have, however, made a peace. Pretty much everyone on my friends list knows that I may or may not be there if I’m signed on. If I don’t respond, I’m not there. No biggie. I have another friend who does this as well, and I am not inconvenienced by her habits.
If your messenger is on it means you’re up for mindless chit chat. As someone else noted it seems very rude and annoying when someone logs in then won’t talk to you.
Real life is indeed more important but if you’re going to take more then 5 mins to respond to a simple post then BRB should be used. I tend to focus on one to two people at a time when I’m IMing so if one is letting me hang it gets annoying.
Always always always say goodbye before you leave. Nothing will make me more annoyed when someone just logs off that I was talking to. You don’t hang up without saying goodbye do you?
This is different if your away message is up. That’s more like a phone call if someone IMs you.
I mostly use Yahoo IM I get “dinged” by total strangers all the time, I usually answer, but if they turn out to be a prat who’s got a “thing” for tall women I block them, I’ve made many online friends along the way … It drives me mental when people seem to think you’ve nothing else to do my respond instantly to them, haven’t they heard of multi-tasking??
I’m pretty easy going with IMs if I am reading I may take a bit to answer. Sometimes I have 2 or 3 conversations going… but not often. Introducing yourself off the bat is welcomed. "a/s/l will either get you a smart ass answer or a complete block depending on my mood.
Oh yeah and have a topic or topics to talk about. YOU IMd me I don’t feel the need to make or keep the conversation alive. Ask me about my kid… twickster can tell you that and “what are ya reading?” will keep me babbling for ages:D