The Piper Cub has been keeping me up late recently, not wanting to go to bed. I’m chronically short of sleep.
Yesterday at church, and today at a funeral, I had nice little naps during the sermons. I remember waking up a few times yesterday, thinking to myself that the priest was going in for a while today, and slipping back into a nice doze.
Same thing today at the funeral. Kept surfacing, thinking that the pastor was really going on, and back to sleep.
Mentioned it afterwards to Mrs Piper. She said “I thought you were asleep! But you were sitting up and not snoring! How did you do that?!?”
Don’t know how I’m doing it - you do what you have to do to get a nap, I guess.
Man, do I love UCC churches like mine. The services at the church I attend are but an hour long. Easy to wake up, stay up during the sermon, then go back home and sleep some more.
Way back in the carefree days of my youth and ROTC, our detachment sergeant was convinced that the entire secret to success in the military was getting enough sleep. So he taught all us future “gentlemen” how to sleep eyes open, in any position, and wake up instantly on a key word. Its one of the few skills I learned there that I still use - not having the need really for spotting artillery or air strikes. Last summer we were at an amusement park with friends and I decided to take a doze sitting on the one rock. People were posing with me for pictures and I didn’t find out until the next day.
I have been a lector (that’s the layperson who reads the Bible passages during the service, if you aren’t familiar) many times over the years. It’s always a shock to look out at the congregation and see at least 25% of them sitting upright with their eyes closed.
And that’s before the minister ehas even started the sermon.
I read about some Anglican prelate who was so boring that once, during a sermon, he admonished the congregation to rouse themselves. “You snore so loudly you will awaken the King.”
The time is displayed for EST, for those of us in the East. Northern Piper is on central time, and hour behind us, and therefor it was still Saturday when he posted.
You kids think you had problems? There I was at an old fashioned revival and I had food poisoning and every time I had to jump up and sing a hymn I was trying to keep it in when I jumped and while I was supposed to see the glory of the Lord I was looking for the commode door and there are certain ways you’re supposed to worship but going at both ends ain’t one of them. You kids, you had problems?
I suppose it wouldn’t have been the famous Dr. W.A. Spooner (“The Lord is a shoving leopard”, etc.) – with, for once, something he said coming out right? I do gather that Spooner was a notoriously boring speaker and preacher, and was self-conscious about it: suspecting, maybe rightly, that people listened to him only in the hope that he’d “say one of those things”.
Half my family are Anglican, and half Presbyterian, and both denominations keep things to exactly an hour. I think people would walk out if the minister/priest went on too long.
I haven’t been to church in over a decade, but I think that hasn’t changed.
Hm, didn’t know that about Anglican and Presbyterian churches. Like I said, mine’s part of the United Church of Christ.
We have a “casual” service at 9 AM, Sunday School at 10 AM (while, simultaneously, many people just choose to mingle), and the “formal” service at 11. Both services are just an hour. I go to the “casual” one, though I do like to hang around for another hour afterward–after all, a large part of church is community–it’s not meant to be like a movie theater where you go to see and listen, then leave.
However, there is the OPTION to leave after an hour without being embarrassed, for Sundays when I stayed up too long the previous night playing Rise of Nations or SimCity 4.
I dreamed early last Sunday, I was on a bed & almost sleepin’
And by some chance, a TV still was on,
And there I slept,
(I was just this close to Heaven)
But Pastor screamed in my face that I was wrong
(So very wrong…!)
And that Pastor yelled wake up! Wake up you’re blockin’ their notes!
For the choir is all-singing… and… your nose is buzzing like a goat’s!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up! You’re blockin’ their notes…!
Better Sleep Deprivation drag you under some old Mack Truck that’s outta Terre Haute!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up! You’re blockin’ their notes…!
*** so the rest of the Congregation can sing along***
And On The Left:
I got the psalm right here
You just start singin’ Dear,
Just don’t cough or spit phlegm til your throat is clear!
Its Paul 2, its Paul 2, this Sunday is all Paul 2.
Just read along and it will do,
Its Paul 2. Its Paul 2…
And On The Right;
For Paul 2 I’ll bite,
But Matthew’s alright!
And the Babes in the back will sing til morning light.
Its a letter sent! Its a letter sent!
(and if they tell you that yer your wrong, you tell 'em go get bent!)
Its a Matthew’s letter sent!
And Its sent…
And Its sent…
And In The Middle:
I know that Luke sounds fine, he’s never outta line!
(A lotta others sound like they have been a-hittin’ th3 wine)
Its got pace!
Its got pace!
Its Gospel that can win that race!
Its got pace!
Its got pace…
In The Balcony:
Mark needs no writing Staff!
Don’t treat you like your Daft!
Its Gospel that doesn’t read like a Telegraph!
You Bet!
You Bet!
It won’t fly between your ears like some jet!
You Bet!
You Bet!
I can’t speak to the Anglicans, but I sang in the choir of a Presbyterian church for years. Exactly an hour is right. Then came the coffee hour, which I think most of the congregation looked forward to more than the service.
