I'm glad that gay/lesbian spouses are becoming husband/wife

Same here. I’ve been using it for years even with couples who never quite settled on a description for themselves. It just always seemed to have the right fit and intent.

I’ve always liked ‘‘partner’’ myself, as it works for people who seriously committed but not married regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

In a known situation of married persons I will say ‘‘husband/wife.’’ But if you’re asking a generic question of couples who may or may not share marital status or sexual orientation, ‘‘partner’’ works really well.

Unless you have a business partner. I’m never sure when people use partner.

I’m with you on this one. A year or two ago, my mother and I were talking about a mutual (gay) acquaintance, and she something about “he and his partner”, and I thought “wait a minute, isn’t he a teacher? Since when do they have partners?”. We have ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’, terms that not only cover unmarried people, but are orientation-neutral. I posit that we would benefit from a term to cover those with whom we’re in a long-term relationship but aren’t married to (that is, between ‘girl/boyfriend’ and ‘husband/wife’), but we have the terms, let’s use 'em. “Partner”, even when it’s not confusing, seems so generic to me. Kinda sterile and lifeless.

I thought the term most used was “significant other”.

Naw, I think “I now pronounce you husband and husband” just sounds weird.

And can you imagine a gay man walking up to group of married women talking about their husbands and saying “yea my husband is also like that”.

Yes, I can.

You’ll get over it.


Oh, was that supposed to be some off-the-wall hypothetical?

You need to get out more.

I’ve always used “lover.” I never heard straight people use this; I guess, they don’t think about it that way?

Of course, “lover” doesn’t work in cases like the classic example in Spanish:

Ella es mi esposa, pero ella es mi amante.

“She is my wife, but she is my lover.”

But why would gays and lesbians want to use terms associated with straights?

Wouldnt you want something… I dont know… maybe with a more queerish twist to it? A guy calling another man his husband just sounds boring to me.

Yeah, probably more a hypothetical. I guess there might be gay men so “in” with the straight married women his relationship would be looked at as the same.

Although from my experience when one gender gets together into a group and talks, the second someone opposite joins the conversation always changes.

Sorry, you really do need to meet a wider variety of people.

Most gays and lesbians are just as boring as any straight people. It is hard to spot them in everyday situations.

I was just coming in to post that ;). Now that equality is finally creeping up on us Americans it can finally be said - rumors of gay fabulousness have been vastly overstated. Many are as boring as dirt :D.

I’ve heard it. So?

No need to imagine it. I have a number of gay friends and one of them has a husband that is very like mine. We’re always saying stuff like that to each other.

Well, I’m sure that everyone should strive to keep you entertained at all times.

(Anyone find it as hilarious as I do that now it’s just so BORING to be gay and married?)

Sure we do. We have two actually…

“Girlfriend/Boyfriend” or “Significant Other”

No “SO” (dumb, very dumb) and no “partners” for sure. I knew a woman who was in a long-term relationship with another woman, but they were also business partners. So when she first told me about how her partner did something amusing, I (and many others) chalked it up to something funny happening at work. About a year later, she became rather annoyed that she had to come out again to a group of people that she thought had known her orientation for a long time.

Perhaps your problem is your screen name.