I got an e-mail from Dr. Paul Wada today. He’s in Sudan. He’s offering me a healthy cut of the action for helping him retrieve $12.6 million in cash paid for diamonds that never made it out of Sudan. I know, I know, you guys are all, “That’s a scam, dude!” but I know it’s not, and here’s why.
He’s a doctor, okay? Doctors don’t scam people, 'cause they got their hypocritical oats or something that says they’ll never hurt people.
It’s Sudan, dudes, not Nigeria. Yeah, I ain’t falling for that old “I need to move $15 million out of Nigeria” scam again. But Sudan – well, that’s not Nigeria, OK?
He actually provided a “tag number” for the consignment (whatever that is) which proves that the money actually does exist, so it’s not a scam.
The money isn’t in Sudan, it’s in London, and that’s in England, and the English are watchin’ out for us, so it must be OK.
So anyway, I answered the guy and told him, “I’m in, dude!” and now I’m sittin’ here waiting to find out what I do next. I’m not sure if I should quit my job yet – whattaya think?
I don’t care about diamond necklaces or jewlery or crap like that. But just once in my life I would like to hold a handful of diamonds, let them slide through my fingers, glittering so pretty. So go for it!
12.6 millon, heh?
I wonder how that’ll work…
your half will be 6.3 miillon, right? Maybe he’ll send you a check for 6.5 million, and all he asks from you right now is the 0.2 million refund, right?
Well, I get to talk on the radio, make fart jokes and generally screw off – that’s between six and ten in the morning – and then I get to use my really ballsy voice to help local merchants sell cars and sofas and stuff, and sometimes I drive 18 miles out into the country and change a light bulb at the transmitter site (I always take my yellow Labrador retriever along and we hunt rabbits and coyotes for a couple of hours). Oh, yeah, and sometimes I get to give away fast food, t-shirts, tickets to concerts, stuff like that. When rock bands come to town, I get to hang with them (you would not believe how much sex those guys have!) and introduce them and stuff. I mean, it’s not really hard work, and the pay’s pretty good, and I have lots of time to mess around on The Dope. But, I dunno, there must be something else in life, isn’t there?
Well, see, now this is how people like you always get hurt in this stuff. It’s in the details.
It’s not the DIAMONDS that are in London. If he’d said that, I’d be really suspicious because, like, it’d be impossible to get diamonds out of Sudan, and if you did, you couldn’t sell them very easily – I mean, you’d have to go to e-bay or something to do that.
No, what’s in London is the CASH that was supposed to pay for the diamonds. See, you gotta’ be smart to take advantage of a deal like this, and that means paying attention to the details.
That’s so cool! Yeah, the light bulb I change is on top of our tower. I’m trying to train the Lab to climb the tower and change the light for me, but she’s not havin’ any part of that. How’d you train a crane to change a light bulb? Must be one really smart bird.
You’re just jealous, that’s all. Happens all the time – somebody in the group calls into a sweet deal, and somebody else has to be an old Grumpy Gus about it. Can’t you just be happy for me?
And no, tdn, the rock bands don’t have sex with each other! Although sometimes I wish they would – I get really tired of … uh, never mind.
