Listen up you assholes with the Shock the Monkey banners, cause I’m talkin’ to you.
I don’t want to touch, poke, shoot, shock, or interact with your fucking monkey! I don’t want your fucking money either, ass cheese.
I’ve been seeing those things ever since they were ‘touch the monkey’ or ‘shoot the monkey’ or ‘fuck the monkey’ or ‘buy the monkey a fucking Mercedes-Benz’. Oh, sorry, it’s Daimler-Chrysler now. As if butt-felching Chrysler deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as those fucking Germans. I’ll say this for them Germans, they gave us Claudia fucking Schiffer…
Wait a goat-blowing fuck-a-roni minute, this was supposed to be about those fuckers and their shockable simian fuck toys, wasn’t it?
Yes?
Good. Here goes:
If I see one more banner with the monkey cruising back and forth like Bill Clinton looking for a quickie, I’ll fucking track you dyslexic goat’s asses down, tie you to a rabid Cape Buffalo and cut off his tail with a dull spork from the fucking cafeteria of my old high school!! Ya got that! Fuck you, you limp-dicked, pig-faced, pus-eyed, mammoth-eared, weasel-brained, uni-balled, pygmy-smegma-sniffing, retarded spoon-benders? And fuck that motherfucking monkey! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!
And have a nice day, because I won’t let you have any more after this one.
And here I thought this was going to be a “Planet of the Apes” thread.
I can’t remember who it was, but some site had a parody banner in which the monkey gets crushed under a big fist, followed by the tagline “We punch the frickin’ monkey.” I haven’t seen it for a while, so perhaps they’ve run into legal difficulties…
WebWasher (freeware) will get the Monkey™ off your back!
And companies actually wonder why these ad banners aren’t generating any revenue. I always thought the first rule of advertising was to associate the AD with your PRODUCT. Now they’ve got us punching these stupid monkeys . . .
Damn it, I know exactly the banner you mean, but I forget what site it was on too. I keep thinking SpinnWebe, but it doesn’t seem to be on their banners list. If you figure it out let me know.
