Hey Burger King-Just SAY IT already, will ya? Sheesh...

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, I’ve done my best to just shine the ads on and not get pissy over it, but after the 7 kajillionth repetition I can’t stand it any more and just have to say:

“THE WORD YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IS “FUCKING.” BIG, FUCKING CHICKEN, OKAY?”

So, the first ad was a bunch of cowboy looking dudes watching another cowboy looking dude get up on the back of a guy in a chicken suit. The chicken suit runs around the ring trying to get rid of the cowboy, and the background music dibbles on with the vocal–“Big… buckin’… chicken…” Ha ha, you almost said the effword, ha ha, very clever–let’s go on, shall we?

But no. Couple weeks later, it’s the stupid chicken suit guy on a motorcycle going over jumps, and the lyrics have changed a bit. Now it’s “Big…huckin’…chicken…” which makes no sense to me, because where I come from “to huck” means “to throw.” The chicken is neither throwing nor being thrown, so again, it’s just a sniggering “almost said the effword AGAIN, huh huh huh” idiocy and my scalp crawls at the seventh grade level moronity of it once again…

So what’s next here? Do we have to go through the entire fucking alphabet making up increasingly lame lyrics to go with ever more stupid activities with the guy in the chicken suit?

“Big…MUCKIN’…chicken” as the chicken pitchforks shit out of a stable?

“Big…CLUCKIN’…chicken” or is this too quotidian for you?

“Big…DUCKIN’…chicken” as the chicken gets rocks thrown at its stupid head?

“Big…LUCKIN’…chicken” as the rocks miss?

“Big…PUCKIN’…chicken” playing hockey?

“Big…SUCKIN’…chicken” or is this redundant?

Get over it, you adolescent minded, retarded, Beavis/Butthead clones–we all know the effword, okay? We’ve all heard it, okay? We don’t think the ads are cute, or shocking, or edgy, or anything else you might be thinking you’re doing. The ads are annoying, stupid, mindless and don’t say anything about the goddamned sandwich, so can we please just MOVE ON and dump this campaign once and for all?

Or get a pair of testes grafted on and just say it. “BIG FUCKIN’ CHICKEN!!” There, you said it on network TV! Yay for you! You’re a big old iconoclastic stick it to the man kinda company, hooray! Now pay your FCC fines and get the cluck outta here, okay?

Not enough of these: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: in the world… :rolleyes:

2

Excellent rant. I join in the opinion without reservation. Well done.

3

Agreed. Little bit late out of the gate, though.

4

Eh, I missed that thread–and my rant is MUCH better! :stuck_out_tongue:

I’d be willing to watch the pluckin’ chicken one, though, where a horde of little people sandbag the chicken, strip it naked, cut its nasty head off, dismember it and grill it in teriyaki sauce*, then sit around eating it like outtakes from the basement scenes of “Night of the Living Dead.” That would be kinda cool…

*But not necessarily in that order…

5

I think I’ve seen this when TiVoing past it with “mute” on. :slight_smile:

6

Good rant. Nice rythm, easy to dance to. I give it an 8.

7

I’ll confess, I don’t actually mind this ad, and it made me the smile the first time but I’m easily amused by almost-naughty words.

But may I add to the BK pitting and say I bucking hate that “I AM MAN” commercial?

8

Yeah, that one gets a hearty WTF from me as well. The suffering that would be inflicted on any of my male friends for singing/dancing to bastardized Helen Reddy would be terrible to behold…but richly deserved.

9

Basically, BK needs to be taken out and shot for its advertising decisions in recent years. With the creepy ass plastic King showing up in people’s beds, the goddamnedmotherfucking chicken ads, and that “gimme your guy card **NOW!” ** I AM MAN ad running more or less concurrently I’m just scratching my head wondering what the bloody fuck these guys are smoking that they’re paying good money to the advertising company responsible?

If I needed any other reason to avoid the place like home grown genital plague, these ads fit the bill to a veritable “T.”

:smack:

10

I thought it was big HONKIN’ chicken?

Which makes even less sense because it’s geese that honk, not chickens.

11

Nope, it’s definitely “huckin”

12

Why stop there?

Big…TUCKIN’…chicken" as it goes to bed.

Big…TRUCKIN’…chicken" as it drives a semi.

Big…CHUCKIN’…chicken" as it throws something (this would be too close to “huckin’”, though.)

Big…STUCKIN’…chicken" hmmm, well, it has possibilities.

13

Burger King: Eat Our Cock!
To the BC Corp.: The email addy is good for communication about royalties for the above slogan.

14

How about “Big…UpCHUCKIN’…chicken,” or do the patrons take care of that part for them?

Annie: snicker

And “Big STUCK IN chicken” sounds like a headline–when Chris Noth goes to the emergency room for an embarrassing bestiality related issue… :eek:

15

Maybe they should tell their advertising manager to Burger off?

16

Yup, because he can’t cut the mustard, needs to ketchup to the rest of the advertising world, yes we will surely be putting the big mac on these whoppers of puns, probably with great relish…

Just thought I’d get it out of the way, y’know? :wally

17

Great rant.

Now we just need to get that fucking plastic stalker involved. Oh, ouch. My brain just overloaded thinking of the first 500 ways we could make the Chicken and the King pay for this. At the same time.

I see acid and salt and jumper cables involved. Then we get the painful stuff to use on them.

We can make a weekend of it!

18

Lettuce kick his ass for stupid puns.
:slight_smile:

19

Excellent rant, I’d like to join the concurring opinion.

For the record, and to ease a tiny portion of your confusion, “hucking” is actually a term used in mountain biking and motocross which refers to making big jumps or going off big drops.

This does not, however, excuse the fucking commercials.

:stuck_out_tongue:

20

Let’s get the BIGFUCKINGCHICKEN to quarter pound the King’s puckered plastic brownie! Take it all the way to the quills, ya creepy plastic fucker–when you showed up in my bed I betcha didn’t know I keep a BIG COCK around just to take care of guys like you… stalker! :eek:

It has a certain je ne sais quois, n’est ce pas? :wink:

Oh, and carnivorousplant? Kindly place yourself prone onion ottoman, so that I may better patty your ass for the bad puns!

HA! And where is your PUKING SMILEY now? It will not save you, BWAHAHAH!

:wink: