I just ruined one of my favorite shirts. And burned myself (not badly) And it’s Jello’s fault (it couldn’t possibly be mine :rolleyes:.)
Apparently I am one of those people that those stupid product warnings (“Toothpick is not intended for insertion through eyesocket into frontal lobe!”) are made for. And since I managed to slightly scald myself and ruin a favorite (once white) shirt, and since Jello Inc. didn’t warn me that this could happen, I have a moral obligation to sue. Right?
I decided to have Jello for desert. I dumped some Black Cherry Jello into a small tupperware container (I can sue tupperware too!!). I dutifully boiled the water. I dumped a cup of the boiling water into the tupperware container. I looked for a spoon. None within reach. The magic moment when the JellO powder will dissolve was slipping away! “But wait!” I thought. “If this was instant Pudding, I’d just slap the lid onto the container and shake! I’ll shake my Jello!”
So, I slap the lid onto the tupperware container, turn to my cat, who was watching with interest and say in my best Foghorn Leghorn voice “Well, lookee what Ah’m a-makin’ heah, cat. Looks like sody pop. Heh heh heh. Watch it fizz!” The cat gave me an odd look. This happens often.
As can be predicted by anyone with an IQ higher than plankton’s (clearly not mine), the boiling liquid, upon being shaken in a sealed container exploded. All over me. The cat happily lapped up some of the splattered Jello. I looked like the end of the prom scene from “Carrie”. And I blame Jello. No where on it’s package did it say “Warning! Don’t shake boiling liquid with Jello in a sealed container”.
So whatdaya think? Do I have a case?
Fenris (for whom this was the final act to a truly terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. From falling the driveway to tripping on a phone cord and bashing my head, to knocking over a monitor at work. I’d go hide under the covers, but I’m afraid I might suffocate in the waterbed. Sigh. )
Objectively speaking, sounds like you just experienced a Scylla Day. Take comfort that you didn’t have a grossly inflamed testicle, pink-eye and a gynecologist removing a coin from your nose.
Maybe you should just stay home tomorrow, watch the cat lick the jello off the floor and generally recover. Honestly. It’s for your own good. And we don’t want you driving.
Sweet holy ghost of the trinity, Fenris. Do you have a case? C’mon man. How long you been on these boards? A full year, that’s what. You haven’t learned by now that you can’t ask these legal questions here! Because, without fail, every lawyer on this board will delurk and shout in unison “Hey! I didn’t study three years of gelatin patents, Kraft copyrights, and desert torts so you could come along and usurp my knowledge for free!” Then, of course, you get your ass kicked from here to the ATMB and back again.
And what if your shirt looks like you just got finished with ol’ Bessy out back? So what if your skin looks worse than a leper colony after a cheese grating accident? Be a fucking man and beat that tupperware at its own game. Make another pot of water. Fucking stir it with your dick just to show that piece of plastic you mean business! You give up on me here and I’m calling you out as the biggest pansy on the SDMB.
Go climb under the covers, Wolfman. I’ve slept in a busted waterbed, and the only trauma was the grim feeling that either it was very muggy in the room or my bladder had regressed. Either way, a minor irritant. You’ll feel better in the morning. Try telling your friends that you liked your shirt so much, you wanted to tie-dye it.
Veb - this would only be a Scylla day if Fenris tried to crap on the cat as it ate the Jell-O.
There, there, there. I’ve always thought Jello was of the devil. (“It’s made from hooves, you know!”) Go avail yourself of some Shout and/or bleach and you may be able to save the shirt. And stick to Jello pudding from now on - it’s much tastier anyway.
Oh, My God. I desparately needed a laugh today, and I sure got one. I could just HEAR Foghorn saying exactly what you wrote, and the idea that you speak this way to your cat “often” just kills me. Also, the Carrie prom scene was a great description.
Sorry your day sucked, and sorry you have the IQ of toast
Well, technically- he wore the Jello. He did not eat the Jello. Had the Jello exploded as he attempted consumption, it would be different. He was punished by the geletain Gods without it even touching his lips!
Fenris, honey, in a world where vegetarians claim Wendy’s is defrauding them because Wendy’s Fresh Stuffed Veggie Pita “Ranch Sauce” has gelatin made from animal products in it, nothing would surprise me. Go for it! http://www.waste.org/~lanshark/vegan/fastfood.html
However, I will point out that Kraft will probably just say you dint follow the instructions. Says right here on the box, in big red BOLD print:
STIR…
STIR…
REFRIGERATE…
As any cat will tell you, “Shaken is not the same as stirred.”
And you wanna watch out for those Kraft folks, they’re devious. They’ve hidden their Jello website very cleverly, yes, very cleverly indeed, but no match for–Duuuck Duuuck Gooooooooose! With her faithful sidekick, Google…
If you put in “Jello”, all you get is a band (?) named Jello Biafra. Very sneaky, Kraft, but I’m onto your tricks now. It’s “Jay Ee Ell Ell HYPHEN Oh.” Ah ha.
You know what’s REALLY evil? Black jello. It’s some kind of wildberry flavour and is just scary looking. My boyfriend actually likes it, so sometimes I’m just afraid to open his fridge.
Fenris,
I would love it if you wrote an e-mail to Kraft foods (copy and paste the OP) and let us know what they say. I mean, they have to respond somehow!
(Leave out the lawsuit part, though. Leave in the talking to the cat)
Hey! It has…er…[sub]had <sob>[/sub] a nifty blue and green collar/sleeve cuff thingies. You know. The elastic bits. I loved that shirt. <sniff>
Anyway, this give me a chance to give everyone an update:
#1) The Shirt is…dead. A moment of silence please. It was not the Jell-O that killed it, though it administered the first wound. I took the Jackson Pollock looking Shirt down to the laundry room and sprayed it with Spray-n-Wash as instructed. I waited the requisite 10 minutes for stubborn stains. I washed it in the warmest water the shirt could take.
Instead of having a spatter pattern of crimson dots scattered like gleaming pomegranate seeds across the once-white expanse of shirt, when I withdrew The Shirt from the machine, I had faded pink splotches with red centers. The Shirt looked like it had a the measles. “Hmmm,” I thought. “It’s a white shirt. Bleach turns things white.” I poured straight bleach on the stained area and let soak for 20 minutes. I rewashed. Now The Shirt was mostly pink, with odd white patches and areas where the thread looked…fuzzy…as though the threads had started to dissolve.
I decided to Spray-N-Wash again. I turned the water to hot to fill the machine about half-way. I then turned it to warm. The theory was to get hotter-than-warm water, but still avoid shrinking The Shirt.
Alas. [sub]it shrunk[/sub]. The Shirt is officially dead.
#2) The cat still gives me looks but seemed to have suffered no ill-effects from the Jell-O. However, I shan’t be providing Jell-O to the cat on a regular basis, regardless. It seems…wrong somehow.
#3) The surviving Jell-O was chucked into the fridge as I tried to clean up the mess. Subsequent tasting proved the Jell-O was indeed gritty from lack of stirring. An attempt to reheat the now solid, gritty Jell-O is better left undiscussed. Leave us simply say that just as an egg cannot be unscrambled, gritty Jell-O can never regain the nirvana of silky perfection that smooth Jell-O can. Note that Despite EnderW24’s challenge, I did not stir the remelted Jell-O with <macho posturing: on> the magnificent tool that is my penis. I would no more do that than to try to use a jackhammer to readjust eyeglass screws. <macho posturing: off>
The lawsuit, for the moment will have to be put on the back burner. This whole incident is just too painful.
(PS: Zette! You trying to get me locked up? Do you know how many Crank lists I’m already on? )
that was one of the funniest stories i’ve heard in a while :). While all logic would tell me to be in fear of your lack of sense…i find myself strangely attracted to you and your style.
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