mittu? Is that you?
You could do what I did last week–just snap off the neck of the bottle. Of course, you’ll need to watch for shards of glass when you’re drinking it. And since you won’t then be able to re-cork the bottle, you’ll have to just drink the whole thing, so it doesn’t go to waste. 
How many needles are in the sewing kit? If it’s at least two, I would push them both through the cork, right at the top of the bottle, in a sort of cross shape. Then I’d go around the top, and push up on one needle-end at a time. With each push, it should move up slightly, until it’s out.
[ol]
[li]Get hand towel from bathroom.[/li][li]Fold towel so that it is only a little bigger than the base of the bottle.[/li][li]holding bottle horizontally in one hand, with other hand holding towel against bottle bottom, firmly (but not violently) pound bottle base against bathroom door frame.[/li][li]Repeat last step over and over, until the cork is out of bottle far enough to grasp and remove.[/li][li]Drink wine.[/li][/ol]
Really, I thought every wino worth the name knew this.
Disassemble the housing from your hairdryer. Gently stretch our the spring heater element, and then rewrap it several times about the neck of your bottle.
Set the dryer on ‘high’.
Within a few minutes, that glowing filament will soften the glass, letting you pull the neck off of the bottle, possible ending up with some cool looking glassblower art as a souvenier.
This happened to me a couple of years ago. I just used my longest, sharpest key and began digging chunks of cork out. I didn’t try and move the cork, just kept ubtracting from it’s mass. Eventually, when there was just a third of an inch or so left, I just pushed it through. You may have to pour a little slow and might have a tiny bit of cork to remove from a glass but it did work.
Don’t know about opening a wine bottle, but with all that stuff and a little ingenuity, you may very well be able to build a hydrogen bomb.
Many hotel rooms have coffee makers with sealed coffee packet/coffee filters. Sacrifice one packet and clip open a small hole in the coffee filter (1-2 inches max. I know, your names not max. Do it anyway). Pour out the coffee grounds into the comode.
(Flush the comode to give the sewer rats a caffiene-buzz. )
Now, take the empty coffee- filter paper/packet over to the wine bottle. Snap off the neck of the wine bottle, just like SCSimmons said. Put the filter directly over the broken neck of the bottle and pour the wine into your glass through the filter. 
:smack:
Ah… yeah…
slinks off to work on his Reading for Comprehension skills
never mind. it obviously was a brilliant idea. I might even try it at home.
But what happened to the wine, groman?
“Man found dead in hotel room; ensnared, asphyxiated and dismembered by an elaborate contraption he had apparently constructed from items in the room and from his luggage. The intended purpose of the device is a mystery, also unknown is the reason for the presence of an unopened bottle of wine in the middle of the floor.”
Well, I was bleeding.
What happened? C’mon… you can’t leave us hanging like this!
I’m glad this wasn’t carbonated. I pictured the cork with the needle flying out and killing you from a needle in the brain.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Stick a needle in my eye.
I stabbed myself with a pin I was using to extract the other pin stuck in the cork. I do not think I have ever failed at anything this badly. I can’t even push the cork through anymore because of air pressure and my attempts at making a hole failed. I specifically did not get a corkscrew today knowing this is getting personal, but I just got back from work and it’s 12:30am and I just don’t have the energy to tackle it. Maybe tomorrow. Hm, if I wake up early I could conquer this and make my work day all that much better.
You still haven’t opened the bottle?! Talk about keeping us in suspenders over this …
Having experienced this on a couple different occasions, proceed as follows:
Pressing the cork inside the bottle is much, much easier than trying to extricate the cork without the proper accouterments. (tool to press cork in: something like a wooden dowel - the handle of a straight wooden spoon, say. Chopsticks might work if doubled up.) Presumably one wants to de-cork the bottle with at least some sort of alacrity, there may be guests involved, and our theoretical host has already committed one faux-pas by neglecting to carry a proper opener, (or has been delegated to accomplish the tast at hand), so the fingernail clippers are out. Breaking the top off, though effective, has a certain “hair shirt” element to it and should be avoided in polite company.
“Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
There’s an old method, possibly an urban legand, about repeatedly banging the bottle up against a tree in a horizontal or partially inverted position to force the cork out to the point that you can pry it out. I’ve never done this so I don’t know how well it works, or whether it will work with the cork pushed further into the bottle.
Chronos, with most wines the cork is flush or slightly recessed into the mouth of the bottle, so pushing needles transverse to it isn’t generally possible. You might be able to stick them in at an oblique angle and get some leverage but I’d guess that you’d either bend the needles or tear out a small chunk of the cork before you’d pry the cork out. This itself, however, suggests a different solution (that doesn’t require forcing the cork into the bottle): use the keys or nail clippers to carve away at the cork (a screwing motion down the center is probably best) until it breaks up into chunks. Pour out the wine and use the plastic fork and/or chopsticks to remove the larger chunks of cork that fall in. Voilà, and in vino veratis.
I have to agree, though…MacGuyver would have a Swiss Army Knife with corkscrew, so no improvisation required, though he might make a few incendiary grenades out of a role of toilet paper and some bar soap just for posterity.
Stranger
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