I’m coming in to third this suggestion, and provide a video for any doubters. This is the way the OP wants to do it, in my opinion.
This is the way I sure want to do it now, and there’s not even a bottle of wine here at work.
A couple of weeks ago, I downloaded The Boy Mechanic from Project Gutenberg, and stumbled across the same bang-on-the-wall technique while browsing through it. The .pdf version (a 17Mb download, but worth it) includes a picture on page 275.
According to the title page the book has 700 projects, many interesting and some potentially lethal. McGuyver probably read it. 
You guys are all focusing on the wrong thing–focusing on the symptoms. The real problem here is that groman isn’t drinking scotch!
Or beer at the least.
Tripler
Scotchy scotchy scotch. I love scotch.
Being in Tokyo, “For Relaxing Times, Make It Suntory Time”?
Speaking of which, I am entirely scarred for life by a 14’ portrait of Tommy Lee Jones staring right into my very soul telling me to drink BOSS coffee on every damn train station.
Tokyo eh? Know the place pretty well, I do. You could always just head down to the Roppongi district and thrust the bottle high in the air. You’re a gaijin so I’m sure you will be able to place it very prominently above everyone. At that time, a hoarde of black pushers will accost you to their strip-club(s) while opening your bottle free of charge along the way.
It’s not MacGyver, but it’s equally complicated and obscure.
Nice inventory, but I notice you don’t have the thing your aunt gave you which you don’t know what it is is.
(obscure?)
But to open the bottle, the method in the video linked by **pulykamell ** seems to be a good emergency method.
TSA confiscated it at the airport because they insisted all checked luggage must be securely closed 
Duct tape.
I’m not sure how yet… But I’m sure with enough of it the cork would somehow be removed.
Ah, I see, wrap the whole thing in duct tape and whack a small rock from outside against the side until its cracked (no glass in wine).
Drain into those tissue paper wrapped cups. Enjoy.
Ok, yeah, that’s just a dumb idea… Don’t do it.
One way I’m cosidering trying is freezing (but keeping dry) to the best of my ability the end of the bottle, stripping the plastic off one of the soft coat hangers and wrapping it in one turn as tightly as possible around the neck of the bottle. While the bottle is still as cold as I can get it, apply heat as evenly as possible to the wire ring. The heat will expand the ring, increasing contact area with the bottle, and transfer to the bottle. With the rest of the bottle really cold and a ring around the neck really hot there is a chance I’d get a clean thermal crack. Possible?
This is how my dad would get the cork out of the bottle on camping trips if he forgot the corkscrew. (Forgetting the corkscrew was small; once he forgot the tent poles.) It totally works, and to a little kid, it looks like magic!
Dude, if you’re willing to go to those extremes to get at the cork, I’ve got a suggestion. Instead, how about you go to a store and spend $2.99 for a corkscrew. Faster, easier, and pretty much guaranteed to work.
I’m pretty sure that unless you have some liquid nitrogen (bad idea anyway, I’d bet that it’d shatter) that the length of time required to get it REALLY cold would cool the rest of the bottle (and your wine) to below freezing.
I ran into just this problem last Thursday night, needing a bottle of wine open sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, the cork in the bottle was made of something-that-is-not-cork and refused all attempts to force it down into the bottle, despite the efforts of my heavily-muscled friend. Two bent keys later, we admitted defeat. But we were staying in a pretty nice hotel, and they were bound to have a corkscrew, right?
So we called room service, and asked if they could help us out. They did better than that, and sent somebody up to open it for me. At last, the contents of my bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay would be liberated, only to shortly be trapped . . . in my belly. Oh, fraptious day, calloo callay!
There was only one flaw in my happiness.
The guy who came up was the hotel sommelier. And he was French.
Dammit, every time I go to a hotel and need a bottle of wine opened, some hot French guy shows up and laughs at me and my wine. Some might take this as a sign that they should drink better wine, but I think the only solution is to start carrying a corkscrew in a boot sheath. Or to do my drinking in private, but I’m not going to travel that path.
I have pushed the cork into the bottle with a butterknife handle before. There’s always a way in 
If you are really desperate, you know you can buy wine in screw-top bottles. Just sayin’…
Or box wine. It comes in bigger amounts, anyway.
I still like the McGuyver solutions, though! Just give me a pair of goggles, a straw, and an avacado!
Actually, there are some excellent wines now that come in screwtops. The owner of Bonny Doon (makers of Big House Red, one of my favorite red table wine blends) runs an organization called The Death Of Cork celebrating the use of screwtops in place of cork (which he claims to be both less expensive and technically superior). I’ve noticed that the Hitching Post wines (featured in the film Sideways, and every bit as good as claimed, though I personally prefer the Cork Dancer pinot noir over the more expensive Highliner) are moving over to screwtops. So, going to a screwtop doesn’t necessarily mean going down in quality, though I do bemoan the loss of the ritual of cork removal, which is my second favorite thing about wine. And never mind those hideous “rabbit” openers; a wine key is the preferable way to extract the cork from your vino, with a Swiss Army Knife corkscrew being acceptible in a pinch.
Stranger
Hooray!
Screw caps are the preferred closure for most winemakers. I look forward to their continued success.
I bought a bottle of Plumpjack’s Cab Sauv last Friday while visiting the winery. At Plumpjack, for most of their wines you are given the choice of screwcapped or cork finished. I chose screw cap of course, since it pretty much guarantees I won’t be buying a corked (TCA tainted) wine.
The bottle I broke the neck of, I had previously snapped off the corkscrew from my (extremely cheap) knife while screwing it into the cork. I’m really kind of surprised that I didn’t manage to seriously injure myself anywhere in the process.
Wow. I can’t believe no one has offered the correct solution.
- Grip wine bottle firmly in right hand.
- Open hotel door with left hand.
- Walk across the hall.
- Ball left hand into a fist and knock on the neighbors door.
- Smile and greet the comely lass who answers.
- Ask to borrow her wine key.
- Share wine with said comely lass.
- Retire to one of your beds together.
Sheesh. Kids these days.