To clarify: it’s CRISPY bacon. God fucking forbid you serve an old person any bacon that’s less than burnt. I’ve cooked enough breakfasts to know that.
I don’t understand why this isn’t common knowledge yet but how to properly feltch a goat is. When I ride alone I always stand off to the left and when I ride with others I stand to the left, one friend stands to the right and the third stands in the middle. Leaving plenty of room behind us for other people.
I must now offer an apology, in a Pit thread even. I had no idea that such hell holes existed.
I will now go outside and look at the millions of trees I am surrounded by, view my neighbors through binoculars, and thank my lucky stars that I do not have to compete for apparently empty escalator space wherever you are.
Mm-hmm, Chefguy. I told them. I told them they were gonna get us all in trouble. Up in here, pittin’ old folks. Can you believe that shit? Where is the fucking respect??
Did you see some of the stuff Anaamika said? And MsWhatsit? I told them the old grumpy grampas would be here soon. You want me to go get your belt? Or cut you a switch?
Don’t coddle him. If you do that, he might follow you home and then where will you be?
Well, this kind of bums me out. I’m getting to the age where I have to put up with mysterious aches and pains all the goddamned time. I’m pretty sure that in another decade or two, things are going to have gone pretty far downhill. You telling me I don’t even get to compensate by being cantankerous and irritatingly eccentric? Because if so, I’ve wasted a lot of time practicing.
I have no problems with people writing checks. It’s when the entire process involves transcribing War and Peace onto the check that I start to get a little murdery. No one fucking cares how neat it looks or how much is written on it. Write the name of the store, the amount, the date and sign the fucking thing. This should take no longer than about 15 seconds at the very most.
And if there’s a line, well you know what store you’re in and what your name is. Checks can be written before the moment the cashier reveals the total.
Okay, so I wrote this thread at 4 am mainly to make myself laugh. I say a lot of assholish things to crack myself up. My dad’s 91 (longevity in my genes, woot!), but I was just saying how I’m kind of annoyed with myself for not generally shutting all their bullshit down the way I would anyone else.
And now I’m going to quote a lot of people. Prepare for the wall of text!
Well it was only a few blocks, but I dunno. I was afraid of seeming mean? I know, I know, I’m mean to people all the time, but he was little and old, so I just sat there like an idiot and got harassed. Gah!
Ah, I’ve been had again! :smack:
Get out of my brain! I was just saying last night that whenever I see someone driving too damn slow it is, unfailingly, someone on a cell phone, in which case I throw rocks at them because I hate them, or an old person, so I let it go.
ONE OF US!
Right, right, fair enough. Age happens to the best of us, but stop trying to whine your way into free shit a the dollar store. If some 19 year old kid did it, you know everyone would be like “This punk…”
Whaaaaah? I thought the only old black lady who was mean was my mama. Whenever I pass old black ladies on the street, they smile at me and say “How you doin?” Old black ladies can say “How you doin” to me or ask me to smile, and it’s all right. When anyone else does it, I want them to die.
Hip hip hooray! But you’re wrong about the escalators. Move or be killed!
Listen, I like you, so don’t make me come over there and smack you. Everybody knows that all kids everywhere should shut the hell up. And I will be dead and buried before I put up with some kid’s crap. Which is, of course, why I put up with old people’s crap. Because when I’m old, if some kid tried to give me any of their lip, I would put that little shit in the ground. Just sayin, come on, guys. Do a sista a solid. Stop whining about not having enough change in your fucking COIN PURSE because you know you can get away with it.
I’m sorry. 
What’s wrong with coin purses?
You’re a drip.
Well, I’m an old fart. Can’t be helped. I’ll get my Medicare Card within the next month. I’m not about to volunteer to have my life reviewed by a death panel.
I pay cash for anything less than about a $100. I want to shoot the idiots in front of me who pay for a $2 coffee with a credit card. And it’s not a bling, they’ve to sign for the damned charge.
I drive at or just over the speed limit. If you youngsters in your SUV yuppymobiles would drive at about the same speed there would be fewer pedestrians and animals hit and killed. If you run yourself off the road and hit a tree, I feel sorry for the tree, not you. I do feel sorry for me every time someone runs off the road and hits a power pole knocking out my electricity. (Happens three or four times a year) Oh, and by the way, turn off your damned brights when approaching oncoming cars at night - it’s the law.
I do walk up escalators. I also walk up the 80 stairs at the 34th street exit to Penn Station passing latte drinking yupsters standing on the escalators all the way.
I hold doors open for others, even when I’m in a hurry.
And, unlike so many oh so very important people, I clean up my dogs’ poop wherever they leave it.
Fuck that sideways. You’ll have to pry the keys to my LeSabre out of my cold, dead, but nowhere near old hands. I happen to *like *the ultrasmooth ride on my still-young ass, the automatic leveling system, the quality stereo sound, the heated seats, the adequate room for my long legs, and the pretty good mileage and acceleration. In fact, my father bought one based on *my *recommendation.
So should I suffer leg cramps, hemorrhoids, and crappy sound just because of what *you *think of my sense of style? To repeat, fuck that sideways.
Aww, Bucks, you and most folks seem like a good apples to me. This OP really isn’t a “Why I Hate Old People” declaration. I pretty much just wanted to make myself laugh, and was just whining about annoyances I have endured silently SOLELY because the person was old, whereas anyone else would have gotten karate chopped. But I do pay for low cost items with a debit card often. Who carries cash anymore? Get with the times, old man!
Yeah, and she’s mean too.
(Ha! That’ll teach her to invite us to insult her.)
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You sound old.
The Long Mall Walk by Richard Bachman
Why do you hate China?
You ain’t lyin’ about those old black ladies. Not that all old black ladies are mean, but that of all the people I encounter at the library who are nasty evil bitches, old black ladies make up a suspicious percentage. (Followed by old white ladies.) And you’re right about the meanest ones being the churchiest.
You could try wearing earbuds when you go shopping or use public transportation. It lightens my heart to block out the obnoxious music/advertisements in big-box stores. Once (when I was in a particularly foul don’t-fuck-with-me mood) I even popped them in when I didn’t have an mp3 player. Just put the pluggy end in my pocket. With earbuds on, nobody will bug you. You’ll also look super hip.