I just recieved this e-mail.
It couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I’m sick and tired of pidgeon-holed into only earning about $2,000,000 during the course of my life.
Things need to change.
The only thing is, I’m not sure what Doctorate to apply for. Any ideas?
As long as we’re at it, which degree do you think your life experiences have earned you??
I’ve got a real one I’m not using – you’re welcome to borrow it.
twicks, PhD, Sociology of Religion
Was Mr. Epps your Prof.?
BTW, which Universities are both Prestigious and Non-accredited?
Astrophysics (no, I’m not biased 
). It even has social uses:
[ul]
[li]In a bar and someone sketchy tries picking you up, tell them “I’m a physicist/astrophysicist”. Watch them run.[/li][li]In a bar and someone nice tries picking you up – “I’m an astronomer.” Watch them be impressed.[/li][/ul]
Disclaimer: does not work in parts of Maryland, New Mexico and Dopefests.
Ringling Brothers Clown College?
The College of Cardinals?
Interesting, but I’m not sure I have any real-life experience in astronomy or astrology short of looking up at the sky and wondering how it got up there in the first place. Not to mention, I’ll bet that the requirements for the degree are pretty tight. I’m sure they’d run a background check and find out that I’m lying about that.
Why Maryland?
Actually, among the small circle of Carnival Workers (or as they like to be called, Karnies - yes, with the comical K!) the Ringling Bros. CC is very prestigious, although not a damn bit accredited. Don’t ask how I know this.
Phrenology.
I was wondering why New Mexico, though I had some guesses.
Yeah, I know – it was a semi-serious answer.
Really? I thought you were joking! I never heard of the place.
Isn’t area 51 in New Mexico, or is that Nevada?
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
Interesting, but I’m not sure I have any real-life experience in astronomy or astrology short of looking up at the sky and wondering how it got up there in the first place.
[QUOTE]
What do you think we do then? And please don’t confuse us with astrologers, I’ll be forced to hurt you.
Sorry, I’m a radio astronomer, and Maryland and New Mexico are the two main bases of the National Radio Astronomy Observatory, and hence where I’ve bumped into the most people (outside of Dopefests) who didn’t run a mile when I told them I’m an astronomer
I could probably get away with a Masters of Library Science, with a couple of weeks to study up.
Hmmm…
I just am curious about their census data. Many folk with doctorates end up working at Universities for most of their working careers – not traditionally high paying institutions unless you’re a football or basketball coach. So I’m not sure where the 2,000,000 premium over a working career comes from. Considering that most people with doctorates spend five or more years working at starvling wages, a doctorage would have to give you something like a $50K+ benefit/year over a 40 year career. Seems kind of dubious to me.
I’ve always heard that from a standpoint of cost effectiveness, the Masters degree was the best degree.
Funny, my Uncle has two Doctorates, they call him Dr. Dr. as a joke. He’s as down to earth as anyone, not rich by any means but well-off no less. He does a lot of research for the University and runs the Gross Anatomy class for the Med students.
He spent 14 years in college!
He’s going to be pissed when he finds out he could have recieved those Doctorates in a couple of days.
The History of Mixology – that way you can write your dissertation on the age-old debate over the semiotics of the perfect martini. Your work would address such key issues as: colonialism and the exportation of the martini throughout the British Empire (esp. in the literary works of mid-century intrigue and espionage novelists); the Cold War and the enduring suspicion of vodka; the idealization of the olive and its juice as “The Other,” “dirty” component in an otherwise clean drink; the adoption of technology for precise application of the vermouth (i.e., via misting atomizers); and the ambivalent role of martini-making from the perspective of postwar sexual liberation (eg., mixing martinis for your single-earner husband, vs. martinis as symbolic of women’s liberation, socio-economic equality, and sexual aggressiveness as in, say, Sex & The City).
Of course, your subject will require you to engage in extensive field research. 
Well, the dispensing part is way over my head, not being one to host elaborate parties that would include the mixing of any drinks other than Ice and Jack Daniels. Or beer and hard liquor, if you know what I mean. I have seen a dry Martini (extra, extra dry) made by the bar-keep passing a beam of light through the vermouth bottle and into the glass of Vodka, so maybe I could expound on that…
The field research (on the recieving end) has been thoroughly completed, however. Little documentation, I fear, may limit my proof of course completion.
Considering the unnecessary capitalization and the careless misspelling, I certainly hope no degrees in English are among these universities’ offerings!