I'm retiring! Um... yay?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m only 29, but I’m tired. My disability has progressed to the point where I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning, and I come home every night aching and exhausted. And my co-workers are beginning to feel the strain of picking up my slack. I know the ADA says my work has to make “reasonable accommodations” for me, but it’s gotten to the point where the most reasonable accommodation they can make is to get someone else to do the job for me. (Now if only I could still collect the paycheck ;)).

My family doctor and my neuromuscular doctor both agree that it’s time. So I’ve told my boss that it’s my intention to retire within the year.

But I’m not sure what to do next.

I need to apply for social security disability and PERS (that’s my retirement plan through work) disability, but I’m afraid that, if I’m still working when I do, I’ll be turned down. But I’m afraid to just up and quit because I can’t afford to go without a paycheck while I’m waiting for benefits. Does anyone else have any experience with this? How did you/would you handle it?

And I’ll need a home caretaker while my husband is at work. I can’t take care of myself. The idea of hiring a stranger to babysit me scares and embarrasses me. I’m not looking forward to it.

And I’ll miss my co-workers. Some of them, anyway. I’ve worked with them for several years and we’re close. At least, while we’re at work, we’re close. Yes, now we go to movies and stuff, but I’m afraid that, once I’m gone, they’ll forget about me. I thought I was close with others in the past, but when they left we lost touch. Unfortunately, I don’t have many friends outside work. I’ll miss being surrounded by people to talk to and laugh with all day. I’m afraid of being lonely.

Finally, I hate the idea that I’m no longer pulling my own weight, either in my family or in society. I’ve become deadweight. I take without giving back. I’m useless.

But I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m looking forward to sleeping in every day. I can’t wait to be able to use the internet whenever I want without violating some stupid company policy or another. It’ll be nice. Until I get bored, anway.

I’m afraid. I’m elated. I’m grief-stricken. I’m all torn up over this.

So… what do I do now?

2

I’d talk to your HR rep. That’s what they’re there for. I’m sure they’re aware of your medical difficulties and they can help you with the paperwork/timing.

StG

3

Well, the first thing is to check around with co-workers (if you don’t already know) to see whether your company’s personnel department will help or hinder you. There are certain legal obligations they may be required to provide, but it always depends on the company as to whether they will do the most they can to help or the least they are obligated with the most aggravation.

If they have a decent reputation for helping employees, go to them with your questions. (If they are simply paper shufflers or willing goons for corporate, you may need to be more circumspect to prevent them finding ways to shaft you.) Your various state or county social services people should be able to explain what options are open to you and what you can demand from your employer.

Those, of course, are the technical questions. I do hope that there is a support group in your area and that you are already in touch with them for the personal issues.

Good luck.

4

Check out this site for information on Social Security Disability. Essentially you are considered disabled effective with the last day you are able to work. Benefits are payable after a five month waiting period (if your last work day is, say, Jan 27 your first month of entitlement to benefits is July). Processing takes 3-6 months, although there are provisions for expedited processing for terminal or “presumptive disability” cases. Apply as soon as you have decided to stop work; if your employer pays sick benefits do not wait until those run out.

Don’t go down that path. No one is useless. Without knowing what your medical situation is, I can’t comment on your capabilities, but as tomndeb suggested, check for support groups in your area. There may be local programs to help with home care issues and other assistance you may need. You have internet access at home; while not a perfect substitute for actual people contact, it’s a good start.

You may find that not having to get up and go to an office every day gives you more energy to do things around the house. Do you have any other interests or hobbies that you haven’t had the time or energy to pursue? This may be the opportunity to expand your horizons in other ways.

Good luck, and don’t let things get you down.

5

What LurkMeister said, plus a few other thoughts:

Would it be feasible for you to invite people to visit you at home?

You say you go to movies occasionally; once you don’t have the daily grind of a full-time job, might it be possible for you to get out of the house to meet friends a few days a week? Or do part-time (once a week or once a month) volunteer work? Take a class (or teach one)? Join a book club (or other group that interests you) – or start one?

Gr8Kat, you’re smart and sensible and you have a great sense of humor. I’ve always enjoyed your posts. You have a lot to offer your family, your friends, the world. “Not having a job” does not have to equal “being deadweight.” I have read about many people in both fact and fiction who had physical disabilities, some very serious, but still “ran the show” in their lives and did things to make the world a better place. Feel sorry for yourself a little bit, if you must, to get it out of your system – but then start thinking about what you CAN do.

Good luck and keep us posted!

6

{{Gr8Kat}}

Having several able-bodied friends who are out of work right now - and having been in the workforce for nearly 20 years now and seen how much work that is being done does nothing more move money around, I encourage you to realize that working at a job has nothing to do with how much you add to the world, and even very little to do with what you bring to your family. Love, laughter, wisdom - these are things which truly make the world better, and I’ve seen enough of your posts to know that you bring these things to those around you in abundance.

If you really want to add to society, call your volunteer center to see what you can help with that can be worked around your disability.

BTW, needing a home caretaker sucks.

7

Sorry it has taken me time to get back to this thread.

I talked to my human resources person earlier this week, and she’s trying to help me. She says PERS actually has a program where they pay your regular wages while waitinig for your SSD to come through (no wonder it’s going broke).

It’s so discouraging, though, to be in this situation. I’ve had this job almost 8 years now. When I started, I didn’t need a wheelchair, I didn’t use leg braces or a cane, I could drive, I could cook my own meals, and so on. I knew this day would come someday, but I thought it would be decades from now. I thought I’d be pushing 50, not 30. It’s just happened so fast. Everything is slipping away so fast. It’s overwhelming.

I don’t know what else to say. I thank you for your kind words. I know disabled people aren’t worthless. I know I can still do stuff, but it’s frustrating having to depend on other people so much for help. My husband has to dress me, has to help me stand up, has to do all the cooking and housework, and all I do is watch. This makes me feel terribly, terribly guilty, ashamed, and inadequate. Getting a home healthcare worker will be as much of a benefit for my husband as it will be for me. As distasteful as I find it, I know it is necessary. I assume Senior and Disabled Services helps with that sort of thing.

But not having to work anymore will be such a relief. It’s my hope that I will have more time to do what I’d rather be doing, and more energy to do it. I would like to be more active in my community. I’ve lived here 5 years now and I don’t even know my neighbors’ names. On weekends, I don’t even leave the house. I hope this will change.