Here’s a happy story I wrote to cheer up my girlfriend once… hope it works for you, too.
Once, or maybe twice, a very long time ago (sometime last week, I think), a really handsome guy (as in, he attracted the most flies of anyone around...) was feeling lonely. However, he didn't realize that he felt lonely because he had tied his neck-weasel too tight and was having trouble breathing, so he just went about his daily routine. Well, kinda - he did put on mismatched socks, but that was OK.
Well, guy (he has a name, but we have not disclosed it for the sake of privacy - how would you like to be called R. Quaggy Nixon?) did alright - he liked his cows and they liked him, all except for one. He always dreaded that cow. The cow always dreaded him. It went on like that for weeks; both of them stood there and dreaded each other. There was lots of dread all around (hey - I gotta establish tension somehow, ya know. I mean, a cow isn't exactly the most menacing thing on earth, now is it?). Finally guy (again, not his real name) just gave up on the cow and walked back to his house. He was halfway there (about 10 yards) when a shocking realization hit him with a two by four: the cow was following him. Yep, there it was, right behind him looking very menacing (it was chewing its cud and guy was very afraid). The cow had never done this before. Guy decided to ignore it.
When guy got to his house, he kept on ignoring the cow. Of course, the cow was ignoring guy, too. Both of them were ignorant. Both of them walked into the kitchen. That was when it happened; the cow stepped on guy's foot. It hurt. 2000 pounds of burger with legs isn't good for the feet.
"Ouch! That hurt!" said guy in the voice of someone who wishes his left foot were someplace else.
"I'm sorry." said the cow, "I didn't mean to." (Guy didn't realize at the time that cows aren't supposed to talk, but then who would with their neck-weasel tied too tight?)
"That's OK. Would you like some chocolate milk?"
"No thanks, I'll just have a coke."
So guy (AKA R. Quaggy Nixon) wasn't afraid of the cow anymore. In fact, they became good friends and drank many a coke together. THE END.
[sub][sub]I apologise for any permanent damage done by this story, and will happily give backrubs to make up for it.[/sub][/sub]
