I'm sick to death of my sister's wedding

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

[QUOTE=pulykamell]
Well, on the bright side, its only a $90 dress.<snip>
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Just for the record, I’ve actually paid $159 CAD for the dress, with the exchange rate and shipping and customs costs. And I’m not finished altering it so it fits properly yet. Not complaining or anything (my other sister paid $300 for her bridesmaid dress), just sayin’.

I have to say, this thread has been so therapeutic for me. I’m not stressing nearly as much now; I simply plan to tell her I’m not doing stuff I really don’t want to do, and that’s the end of that.

62

How’s your Mom (& Dad) handling all this? I assume your sister has them roped in too.

63

[QUOTE=featherlou]
Oh, I forgot to tell you what my sister said that made me realize that she and reality aren’t speaking at the moment. We were discussing my dress, which is a lovely, full-length, lilac crepe sleeveless gown with layers on the skirt, beading all over the bodice, and a large-ish beaded jacket. It actually is a lovely dress for a wedding, but my sister mentioned something about how I’ll be able to wear it again. Yes, I’ll just toss it on for Friday evenings when we go out to Boston Pizza for dinner. Look, I don’t mind buying and wearing a full-length, beaded lilac dress, just don’t kid yourself about how useful it’s going to be in my wardrobe. It’s a bridesmaid dress, and as such, will hang in my closet until I use it for a halloween costume in five years. Unless I just start showing up a random weddings around town for free dinners and cake.
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Perhaps I’m Los Angelified, but that dress doesn’t look too formal to ever wear again. Around here, I see women dressed like that to go out to dinner. Heck, I’ve seen women wearing that kind of thing to the office. I’m not kidding. I wouldn’t wear it to Boston Pizza, certainly, but you could wear it at any kind of semi-formal occasion. You said yourself it was lovely, so what’s wrong with it?

64

It’s good to hear your stress is down, and you decided to tell her somethings are too much for you to do. I hope you enjoy the high falutin shindig, which sound possible now.

65

Wow, this all sounds so utterly foreign to my wife and me. We just got a funny old Fijian gentleman (licensed, of course) to wed us in a civil ceremony, had a great meal with friends afterwards, and disappeared to Mexico the next day.

And we used the money we saved on the wedding to move to Ireland!

66

[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
Perhaps I’m Los Angelified, but that dress doesn’t look too formal to ever wear again. Around here, I see women dressed like that to go out to dinner. Heck, I’ve seen women wearing that kind of thing to the office. I’m not kidding. I wouldn’t wear it to Boston Pizza, certainly, but you could wear it at any kind of semi-formal occasion. You said yourself it was lovely, so what’s wrong with it?
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I think that’s part of her divorce from reality. I wear dresses approximately zero times a year; skirts maybe once a year. As my sister, I’d hope that she might know this. And yes, you might be a bit Los Angelified; someone wearing a dress that fancy to the office here would stop conversation dead. The only occasion I go to where I could wear something that fancy would be my husband’s staff Christmas party, and I always laugh at the women at that party who look like they’re wearing recycled prom and bridesmaid dresses. In other words, I’m just not that fancy a person. But like I said, the dress itself is quite nice; what bugged me is her unrealistic assumption that it’s going to be a valuable addition to my wardrobe. It’s a bridesmaid dress; if she was serious about getting us to buy useful clothing items, she’d have us all in jeans and nice t-shirts.

67

[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
It’s good to hear your stress is down, and you decided to tell her somethings are too much for you to do. I hope you enjoy the high falutin shindig, which sound possible now.
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I think it is.

dawvee, I think it’s too late to get her to get a JOP and move to Ireland. I can run it past her, though. :smiley:

68

Just tell her you have time blocked out for two hours every Saturday or whatever to talk about the wedding. Tell her to write down her thoughts and ideas and shoot 'em to you then.

Or invest in duct tape. It really is the miracle product! :wink:

69

[QUOTE=featherlou]
I think that’s part of her divorce from reality. I wear dresses approximately zero times a year; skirts maybe once a year.
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Consignment store. Try not to spill anything on it at the reception.

I remember when my sis got married, it was January. I got the dress in early December, and I was making good and damn sure I’d be wearing that thing twice. So I wore it to the work Xmas party. And I didn’t spill anything on it! Christmas miracles really do happen!

70

[QUOTE=featherlou]
And yes, you might be a bit Los Angelified; someone wearing a dress that fancy to the office here would stop conversation dead.
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Oops…you’re in Calgary. You’d die of hypothermia. Or in the summer, heatstroke. I couldn’t have worn that in Pittsburgh either; dressing for the environment has to trump dressing for style.

It is a lovely ensemble, though. Do they have it in mauve?

71

Just popped in to say that I absolutely love that dress. I think it’d be good to have around in case you have to attend another formal event (another wedding, Christmas party, etc.). I’m strongly considering saving up and buying it myself, because I think it’s pretty and I, working in the media, have events I have to attend that require formal attire like that.

I’m still not understanding the whole “ultimate wedding” thing. Like I said earlier, my wedding took a week to throw together and cost less than $150 total, including the license; if you look at the pictures of us, we look happier than we ever have in our lives. Isn’t THAT what matters?

~Tasha

72

[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
Oops…you’re in Calgary. You’d die of hypothermia. Or in the summer, heatstroke. I couldn’t have worn that in Pittsburgh either; dressing for the environment has to trump dressing for style.

It is a lovely ensemble, though. Do they have it in mauve?
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Heh - I can see myself striding in the door at work in that dress, long johns, Sorel boots, parka, mitts, earmuffs and a sweater instead of the jacket. Holding the skirt up so it doesn’t trail in the mud. Heck, her wedding is at the end of April - I might be wearing it in snow at that time of year anyway.

According to the site, the dress is available in burgundy, gold, lilac, dusty-rose, ivory, silver, and black. Sorry, no mauve. :slight_smile:

tasha, I’m not sure if she’s focusing much on the marriage or just the princess wedding at this point. I have a feeling she’s going to be a bitch on wheels her whole wedding day, since she’s planning way too much to do and setting her expectations through the roof.

73

[QUOTE=featherlou]
According to the site, the dress is available in burgundy, gold, lilac, dusty-rose, ivory, silver, and black. Sorry, no mauve. :slight_smile:
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Burgundy will do!

It’s too late now, but one thing that might avert a lot of Bridezilla meltdowns would be if someone told them, like right when they announce the engagement, the difference between have to and want to.

There are few things that a person truly has to do. Most come under the heading of what they want to do. You have to eat, feed your kids, pay rent, go to work on time, do your job to specifications, pay taxes, and like that. Almost everything in a wedding is a “want to”, not a “have to.” You have to get the license signed, you have to follow the religious rituals if any, and you have to make sure everyone gets fed equally at the reception.

However, no one “has to” make sure the centerpieces match the tablecloths, or whatever jazz Bridezillas get so hung up on. That’s a “want,” and as we all know, the bride is the only person who “wants” those things to happen. (Well, sometimes her mom.) Once, just once, Mr. Rilch and I were channel-surfing, and encountered one of those wedding shows. (Is there one that’s actually called “Bridezilla”?) We stayed on it until the end of the episode, during which the bride, and her mom and sister, were spazzing out because the table umbrellas at some sub-ceremony (engagement party? Bridal shower?) were the wrong color. He and I were both screeching, “It does not matter! Who’s gonna notice or care?” And sure enough, after the party or whatever, one of them said to the camera, “And nobody noticed the umbrellas.” As in, “Heh, we sure made a fuss over nothing, didn’t we.”

Unfortunately, the ship has sailed on your sister. Although you might want to run have to vs. want to past her anyway. But I hate the idea of being responsible for her giving you a black eye, so use your judgment.

(Oh, and you have to make sure everyone in the wedding party gets transpo to the ceremony, and the reception if it’s separate. There are not a few Bridezilla stories that include the detail of the bride being so hysterical about the length of the bridesmaids’ fingernails, she forgot petty details like arranging for them to be driven from the church to the reception hall.)

74

I’m planning to drive myself around that day - I’m not übersociable at the best of times, and I will need down time between the hair and make-up fest and the four hours of picture taking and the hour-long ceremony and the rest of the festivities so I can be Happy Fun Matron of Honour, instead of I’m Gonna Bite Your Damned Head Off If You Talk To Me Matron of Honour. Preferably down-time with my husband, so we can laugh at all the stresses and regain perspective.

75

Update (I have a feeling there will be many of these in the next two months - I should probably get a blog):
Well, we had a nice talk. I mentioned a few things that I’m not too keen on; she pretty much ignored them. I am to have my hair up, preferably done by her hairdresser. She will have the photographer there to take pictures of all of us having our hair done together. I will have my make-up done, and if I don’t, I will at least wear foundation, powder, eye makeup and lipstick (I don’t even own foundation - I don’t wear makeup, and I especially don’t wear that pore-clogging shit). I have to watch my mom to make sure she doesn’t dye her hair too dark like she did for my wedding (according to my sister - I never noticed, except that my mom was beautiful for my wedding like she always is). I have a lot of grey hair that I usually dye - I haven’t dyed it for a while, and I don’t think I will until her wedding just to make her sweat about it - I have fantastic grey re-growth going on right now. Eat that, bridezilla!

She plans to have about a day’s hours worth of pictures taken in 3.5 hours (her photographer gets part of the blame for this - he’s a professional - if even I can tell that we won’t be able to squeeze this in, he definitely should be able to. My husband who has taken wedding pictures in the past concurs- her ambitious plans are virtually impossible.) She thinks spoiled seven and 12 year olds will have no problems with taking pictures and running around for 3.5 hours (before they are expected to perform at the ceremony and reception). She thinks that all the logistics of having all these pictures taken in two different locations with about 30 people will be solved by having everyone pile into a limo and a mini-van (but she does plan to have a cooler with some snacks with us, so that will fix everything). While the photographer sets up at two different locations.

Lord, I did not expect to want out of my sister’s wedding party this badly. I think I expected it to be like MY wedding planning was - easy, no stress, and fun. I think I expected to hear from her every couple of weeks to check in and see how things are progressing, not getting calls from her every damned day. I expected to buy a dress and some shoes, wash my hair and do my makeup the day of, show up, stand up, get pictures taken, eat a dinner, and dance the night away. I did not expect this fucking three ring circus.

76

[QUOTE=featherlou]
I did not expect this fucking three ring circus.
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Is that what people mean by “clown pr0n”?