Help! Help! My sister is turning into a bridezilla!!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My sister has always been a touch more dramatic than I am, but I never thought she’d turn into a raging monster when it comes to her wedding. When she got engaged, we even made fun of all the women with princess attitudes. She claimed not to be concerned about her dress, a big cake, or even a large reception, as long as she and BIL-to-be signs their piece of paper, she’s happy. Except, in the last few months, she’s slowly degenerating into a bridezilla.

It started with the little things, like telling BIL-to-be that his suggestion for the reception venue was too small (it holds 200 people!) and then rejecting her MIL-to-be’s offer to make the cake (it has to be picture perfect). Then, there was drama over bridesmaids. I am going to be the maid of honour, but then her best friend started some drama over me being picked (well, HELLO? I’m her sister!!!) which started more drama about how many bridesmaids she should have. First it was just me, and then when her friend made a stink about it, it turned into me as the MOH and her as a bridesmaid. And then other friends of hers caught wind that she was expanding, so they all harassed her about it until she said yes to save their hurt feelings. So now she has me and four other girls.

And that leads me to my main beef. She asked me to make the dresses. We picked out the patterns and the material, and while she has confidence in my craftsmanship, when she came over yesterday for a preliminary fitting, she kept saying she wants it poofier, POOFIER, DAMMIT!!! Any poofier and she’ll look like a god damn basketball!!! And the bridesmaid dresses are becoming a nightmare. I went from having to make one (for me, which is easy because I’ve had a lot of practice sewing for myself) to making two (doable) and now I have to make five!!! Not only that, but one of the girls is whining about how the pattern I picked wasn’t flattering to her figure and she wants something else. I said definitely no, no way in hell, I’m not wasting more time trying to figure out what looks good on everyone, so if she doesn’t like it, she can drop out. But of course, my sister took offense because these are her friends, and I can’t just speak to them like that. Besides, it’s not like I actually started on the bridesmaid dresses yet.

ARGH!

Why do women get like this when they get married? How the fuck am I supposed to put up with all this shit??? I was doing my sister a favour, not her friends, but now I don’t want to do anyone any favours!!! Well, except for my poor innocent BIL-to-be. He’s usually good at putting his foot down, but he’s turned into some sort of boneless worm about his wedding. Is this how “whipped husbands” happen?

Any bridezilla stories to put this into perspective?

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I’ll see if I can find my threads from about four years ago when I was matron-of-honour for my sister’s wedding. I think I got in the habit of calling it HER DAY! I totally sympathize.

For what it’s worth, I’d drop the idea of making all five bridesmaids dresses. That’s beyond the call of duty. You have a built-in excuse - making one is not the same as making five. Period.

3

I know she’s your sister and all, and you probably DO love her when she’s not being Bridezilla, but I’m afraid she’s terminal and you’re going to have to put her down.

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Ah, I found the thread. If it helps at all, reading all that drama from four years ago just sort of makes me cringe now - it was all such petty shit on both our sides (but so irritating at the time!). She had a lovely wedding, and it wasn’t nearly as gruelling as I made it out to be (says hindsight, anyway). I am glad for sticking to my guns on some things, though - yeah, it was HER BIG DAY!, but it’s just basically a big party, and you can’t expect everyone in your life to turn themselves inside out for you.

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How about your sister picks the color and material for the dress, and each bridesmaid selects her own pattern and is responsible for having the dress made on her own. Everyone gets what they want, everyone matches and you don’t get stuck with being an indentured seamstress.

like this

http://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/weddings/dress-attire/bridesmaid-dresses-two-ways-00000000009667/page2.html

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Yeah, there’s not way you should have to make 6 dresses when you only originally agreed to make 2. That’s insane.

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Yeah, that’s how we did it. My wife picked out a beautiful, rich red silk material, and asked her bridesmaids to have it made into a dress they’d like to wear again, for other occasions. All of the bridesmaids still wear those dresses to this day. It was perhaps the only instance I know of where the bridesmaids did not hate their dresses.

I love being married to a non-psycho.

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Thanks for the link Cat Whisperer. I’ve only read your OP and a few replies, but I think what hits the nail right on the head is the “Me me meeeeeee” attitude. Well, not just that she’s being completely self involved about it, but that she expects me to wait on her hand and foot! She knows I respond terribly to micromanaging, but she’s still doing it because… because… I don’t know… she’s just lost all rationality about the whole thing.

I’m not sure what to do about the dresses. Yes, I could just cut it off now and say I’m not doing them anymore, but that’ll create some more whiny drama. Any my mother is getting almost as insane about it. It’s her first born daughter getting married (finally!!!) and Laura has always looked out for me, so why can’t I just do something so so SO simple for her? SISTERS LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER!!! I think a large part of it is my mother feeding my sister’s ego about it too.

I really didn’t want to see her happy day as a war, but it really feels like I’m fighting battles here. Freakin’ bloody battles of tulle and taffeta!!!

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There is going to be whiny drama no matter what you do; you cannot control that. All you can control is the extent to which you let people take advantage of you. Is anyone compensating you for your time in making these dresses? How many hours does it take to make a dress?

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Not knowing how many people they plan to have or the quality of MIL’s work, I’m not willing to say the first two things are or aren’t Bridezilla behavior. They certainly could be, but if they’re planning to have 250 or more (not unheard-of) or MIL’s cakes, uh, show more enthusiasm than skill then her objections are perfectly reasonable. That part about the bridesmaids, though…she’s not the asshole in that. That’s everyone around her being an asshole, and is exactly the sort of thing people pull when you’re planning a wedding that grinds you down until you’re ready to climb a clock tower with a rifle.

The dress thing sounds a bit out of control, though. Not her dress–if she wants to look like a basketball, that’s her prerogative. Expecting you to go from making 2 dresses to 6 and suck everybody’s ass no matter how annoying they’re being is just ridiculous and unreasonable.

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Ultimately you have to make a decision and then take responsibility for making that choice whatever your reasons. I know it sounds easy and isn’t. It’s okay to draw a line and say, this is all I’m doing and stick to it. Mom and Sis will eventually understand and if you’re an adult you can refuse to be hounded or intimidated. If you choose to make the dresses as a way of removing all doubt that you’re going above and beyond that’s your decision. You can still limit input from others because it’s an enormous amount of work you’re taking on. Politely but firmly tell them what the limits are {I’ll do this much and no more} and offer the option of them going elsewhere if they aren’t satisfied. {In a no drama of snark way}
How much family drama people allow to be forced upon them always surprises me. It’s okay, and even healthy for all concerned to set firm limits and say " I love you but this is where the line is drawn, It’s not up for further discussion. I won’t be nagged or pressured into anything.etc." You’re not responsible if they upset themselves and make a huge issue out of what needn’t be.

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A wedding is a major thing to some women. After all they go into this thinking that they will only get married once and they want everything to be perfect. I find the term bridezilla very offensive and I find nothing wrong with what your sister is doing. It’s a major day in her life. Be more supportive.

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I will only ever have one day in which I graduate with my PhD. I will not act like this.

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That’s good because I’ve never heard of a Phdzilla.

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Haven’t been around academia much, I guess? It’s MADE of Phdzillas.

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Oh yes I have but I’ve never heard of the term phdzilla. What does that have to do with this thread anyways?

17

I have never cared for the word “Oligarchy”, so obviously you and I have a LOT in common.

Would you like to get a drink sometime?

18

It sounds like your sister’s friends are also feeding into the mentality. They seem to be starting a lot of the drama that directly affects you. Is bridesmaidzilla a thing, too? It sounds appropriate in this case.

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Sure but you’re paying:D

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Sorry - the cake and venue she gets a pass on. Maybe her MIL’s cakes taste like ass. Maybe her hubby to be has a massive family and there will be 250 guests. Maybe the venue holds 200 but no dance floor. There’s lots there that you don’t know about so she gets a pass on.

This part, though, is dumb:

Give the Bride’s Maids the pattern and a swatch of the fabric and tell them to find a seamstress to make their dresses. If they want to be persnickity, let them do it to someone else.