I'm sick to death of my sister's wedding

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Two long months to go before the BIG DAY and I’m sick to death of it. I got defaulted into being the matron of honour. She calls me daily to ask me about something or try to get me to go somewhere with her and sit and watch her make decisions about HER BIG DAY (apparently she lost the ability to make a decision on her own the day she got engaged). I don’t want to talk to my husband on the phone every day, and I really like him. All we ever talk about is her wedding plans. Every time I come home or go into the living room, the message light is on on my answering machine with another message from her (I can’t answer the phone because every conversation with her takes an hour out of my life of “listening” to her blather on about what type of centrepieces she should have on the tables).

She is planning this monstrous, incredibly complicated, ridiculously involved BIG FREAKIN’ DAY, and keeps telling us how she just wants a simple wedding. Too freakin’ late for THAT, my friend. She’s the worst kind of Bridezilla - the kind who thinks she isn’t a Bridezilla. She keeps on saying really charming things like how I, as her Matron of Honour, will be working my ass off for her on HER BIG DAY, how I will be doing EVERYTHING for her on HER BIG DAY. I posted a little while ago about my dress debacle (I haven’t been as mad as I was over the dress issue in a long, long time); she’s sending me links for shoes now, like I’m going to buy a pair of shoes over the internet (also like I’m going to wear the shoes she chooses, instead of the shoes that I will be comfortable in - that’s one fight I’m willing to take to the wall). I should mention that I’m 40 - she’s 35 - we’re not dewey-eyed young things of 20.

She has this whole freakin’ girly day planned for us, on HER BIG DAY - starting off nice and early with all of us girls getting our hair and make up done together, then getting dressed together (and of course, as default matron of honour, I get to look after all her shit and all the wedding shit the day before and on HER BIG DAY), then driving around in limos to a couple of different sites to get the pictures taken for hours, then we get to go to the church and stand around in uncomfortable shoes for an hour or so while we get to listen to some freakin’ church sermon which I have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN LISTENING TO, because they have to have a church wedding in spite of her and her fiance not being church-going types because his parents would be crushed if they didn’t have a freakin’ church wedding, then after that hour of torture, we get to go to the reception across town, and at that time, I might possibly be able to start having a good time. Oh, unless I have to fulfill some more freakin’ matron of honour duties and keep babysitting my stupid sister on HER BIG DAY. Actually, once we make it to the reception, matron of honour is officially OFF DUTY. Screw it.

(I’m really happy for her - I love my sister and my soon-to-be brother-in-law. I’m just currently extremely frustrated with all this shit that I am being forced to deal with that I couldn’t possibly physically care less about, and you lucky people get to read all about it, because I can’t take it out on her and give her a proper sisterly beating. :slight_smile: )

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Are you sure you can’t?

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Seconded. If she can’t treat her own sister with respect and uses HER BIG DAY as an excuse, a beating should ensue. Of the sisterly sort.

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When they were getting married was the first time that we actually got to see SiL. Oh, we’d seen her before, but mostly it had been chance encounters on the street… now, because they were going to be living in our town, she kept dropping by. We went with her to see houses and heard about all her decorating woes.

She got all her ideas from the most expensive decorating magazines. She didn’t buy the 1€ magazines, oh no: the 15€, thick as a phonebook, 95% ads ones. Those mags didn’t have a single IKEA lamp, lemme tell you!

She wanted Gaston y Daniela hand-printed silk curtains: axed because a single one of those curtains would have cost more than their whole furniture budget.

She wanted to buy her sofa cheap (her uncle worked in a furniture store) but refurbish it at KA before even getting it to the house. Axed, see above.

She wanted a custom-made, forged iron bed, and she wanted it done to fit her ideas, which she was unable to explain (graphics are not her strong point) but she was absolutely sure of what she wanted, only she couldn’t explain it or point to an example, and by the way by the time she got around to looking for a blackmsith it was 3 months to the wedding and the smith broke out laughing when she said for when she wanted this… oh, did I mention it would have cost more than their whole furniture budget?

But she kept saying “oh, I have very simple tastes!” Mom and me, being merely the future in-laws, tried to do our best plastered-wall impersonation; SiL’s best friend on the other hand (and God I love that woman) would :rolleyes: and say “uhn-hn.” One day after leaving them on the train home, Mom turned at me and said “simple tastes?” Me: “Mom, it’s actually. Very. Simple: she wants the best!”

“Simple tastes” is a codeword now, for Mom, SBF and myself :smiley: She wan’ Prince Charmin’, she wan’ horse-drawn carriage, she wan’ the moon in a basket, she wan’ the world to stop fo’ 'er: very simple!

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Thank you for that. I think you’ve summed up the whole situation. I know that bridesmaids are supposed to just do whatever the bride tells them and say, “Thank you. May I have another?” but I think I’m going to have to have a talk with my sister. It’s just for one day, but I’m still a human being, not her plaything. Her wedding shouldn’t be the source of this much stress in my life.

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Just out of curiosity, was your sister in your wedding? If so, how demanding were you? Paybacks are a bitch. And so are brides… :smiley:

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Think the Big Day is bad? Wait until she gets pregnant with The World’s First Baby.

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HA! too funny, I had a horse-drawn carriage at my wedding, and we were divorced 4 years later. I now tell people it’s bad luck.

Featherlou, just tell your sister that you plan to be blotto on HER BIG DAY, due to all the stress, from 6am onwards. describe in detail how it starts with bloody marys, moves into shooters and winds up with champagne. That’ll shut her up.

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Leave the country A.S.A.P.

Or kill her.

Praise be to the FSM and IPU that my lot had fairly simple weddings, in one case beautifully simple, just a nice registry office and a walk through the park to pub dinner and drinks afterwards. Bride, groom and the two required two witnesses. Perfect.!

How much stress and hassle does she really think she has a right to give people - her sister, no less? Perhaps it’s time to have a word, or just look forward to getting blotto at the reception and keeping far away from the blushing bride.

Best of luck. :slight_smile:

Celyn, cynical spinster of this parish.

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Hmmm. Featherlou, Do you know 3 Dr.s who owe you favors enough to sign for her commitment?

pictures sister in straight jacket bouncing off padded walls screaming as the staff ignores her

“Bbbbut its Mah Wedding Day! You Let me Outta Here! Its Mah Big DAY!!!”

Thorzine kicks in

“But, I have very simple tastes…”

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Reason #643 why I’ve never married. As a guy with a short fuse when it comes to ceremonial nonsense, there’s no way I could put up with being a participant in this kind of thing.

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Sure you can - just time it so the marks don’t show on HER BIG DAY! :dubious:

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If you really want to be mean, just start second guessing the decisions she’s already made. “You know, I’m not so sure about the color of those centerpieces you picked out 4 weeks ago.” Make sure to NOT second guess any decision fresher than about 2 weeks. And make sure you do it in a helping tone, not an argumentative one. JYou’re just trying to ensure EVERYTHIIIIING is as PERRRRFECT!!! as possible on the SPEEECIALLLLL DAAAAAAY!!!1!

The goal is NOT to get in a tug of war with her, but rather to trigger her own obsessive control-freak indecision. Once she get started tearing the existing plans apart, pretty soon it’ll be impossible to plan a real wedding by the magic date, and she’ll end up getting married at the JP & you’ll all have triscuits & budweiser at your Mom’s house afterwards. She’ll be a frustrated nervous wreck, and you’ll have a story to gloat over for years to come.

You may have to work a little to get this ball rolling, but once it’s under way you’ll be on easy street for the next 2 months. Even if it stays work, just thnk of all the fun you’ll have at the “improved” wedding you created.
If all that sounds like too much work, just start acting like a drunk now, always useless when she calls, and tell her you intend to be utterly blasted by sunrise on the special day, cuz that’s what weddings are for, right? (you might want to clue your Mom or other siblings in on the alcoholic act, assuming they can keep a secret.)

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LSLGuy, I think you should be Feather’s date! And **Feather, ** I’m going to need your sister’s email addy to send her this anonymously on your behalf. :smiley:

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::Bats eyelashes innocently at Mach Tuck:: But really, I have very simple tastes. [/eyelash batting]

featherlou, I hate to tell you this, but you’re getting off easily. When my best friend’s sister got married, she distributed a 4-page schedule to the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner. Yes, you read that right. It took four pages to recount where every individual needed to be during the entire day of the wedding. BF really enjoyed that. (I attended the wedding as the designated defuser.)

And I’d like to second the call for LSLGuy to be your date - perhaps the wedding party is short an usher? I think the two of you could have a very interesting effect on the celebration.

GT

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Hah! For my sister’s wedding, she made individual cards for each member of the wedding party telling that person where s/he had to be at all times. We then had a long, serious discussion about whether said cards should be laminated before distribution. (I voted that they should, because then they would endure longer and be better evidence of her insanity to show her [then-unborn] children.)

Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth: remember that you’ve loved her for 35 years. Acknowledge that this year, you can’t love her. But that you’ll pick back up again next year. If she hasn’t always been loony, you stand a good chance of her becoming normal again once she’s passed this happy and joyous occasion.

And I will say, my sister’s insanity rapidly dissipated after the wedding. May yours so dissipate as well. Good luck.

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Oh, my. I think I need to tell Best Friend about this one, Campion. Please don’t keep us in suspense! Did they wind up laminated?

GT

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Why do people allow bridezillas to treat them this way? Why humor this level of self-absorption and entitlement? If she’s your sister, why not give her a wake up call? TELL her you’re not fascinated with every picayune detail of her table settings. If you don’t really want to do something, TELL her you don’t want to do it to do it. Tell her if she’s getting too carried away with herself. Tell her how insignificant the wedding ceremony actually is to a marriage.

Bridezillas get away with this kind of tyrannical attention whoring because the people closest to them are unwilling to call them on it and just keep validating it by passively going along with everything or pretending to care about their color patterns.

I sometimes think that after the wedding and the honeymoon is over that some of these women must go through some kind of a let down or depression when they realize that their big ME day is over, and now they’re not special anymore and nobody cares and they have to go back to their lives. Hopefully they at least chose a good mate. Unfortunately there are some women who seem to see the groom as little more than an accessory, the figure on the cake. They can’t look past the wedding day and see what a marriage really is.

Sorry for the rant. Bridezillas and that whole pompous wedding culture in general is a pet peeve for me.

Anyway, back to my original point. Try a little brutal honesty with your sister. She might even listen. Sometimes we all need someone close to us to take us aside and take a little air out of our balloons.

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That’s lovely. Really sums up the emotion. :smiley:

gardentraveler and Campion, you’re scaring me. I figure I always have an ace in the hole - I can show up any time, in any condition I want. Hair uncombed, bed creases on my face, in my stained pajamas. “I’m here and ready to be in your pictures now!”

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Because it’s THEIR DAY, and the custom is that the bride gets what she wants on HER DAY. I don’t want to let her get away with everything, but I’m having a damned hard time figuring out where the lines are for this. It’s not like a typical party, where you wrangle back and forth on things and tell other people to get stuffed and stuff.

I agree with you; brides shouldn’t use their wedding as an excuse to play puppetmaster and lose their minds and force everyone to jump to their whim. I’m starting to get some insight into this; as far as my sister is concerned, I think this is all fun and games for her. I truly don’t think she realizes the size of the impositions she’s putting on other people, and it is the custom to not TELL the bride how much of an imposition her requests/demands are. Maybe that custom should change.